“Your ideas may not be correct,” she said. “For example, did you know that Joel reaches for his purple elephant whenever he’s feeling insecure?”
Rafe’s face fell. “Purple elephant?”
“His name is Fred,” she said.
“Fred?”
She shrugged. “Joel likes orange juice and apple juice. When he eats too many sweets, he gets cranky. When he doesn’t get to bed in time, he gets cranky.”
“How many sweets?” Rafe asked. “What time to bed? Ten?”
“More than two cookies,” she said. “Nine o’clock bedtime is pushing it. Eight o’clock is best. And as you saw yesterday, if he has a super-active day, he needs a nap. He does best with a schedule. You have to stick to it.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
She suddenly felt a pain in her chest and struggled to take a breath. “Because you need to know these things if you’re serious about being Joel’s father. I may not always be around.”
“Why not? Is this because you might want to take off with Gerard Thomas?”
“No,” she said frustrated. “That’s the last thing on my mind. You and I don’t know how this situation is going to work out. And it hit me this afternoon that there are no guarantees. If something were to happen to me, Joel wouldn’t go to my cousin, Julia. He would be with you, and I can’t bear the thought of him feeling insecure or abandoned.”
He moved toward her and took her in his arms. “Nothing is going to happen to you. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to nag Joel for the rest of his life.”
Feeling his strong arms around her, she couldn’t stop tears from filling her eyes. She bit her lip and tried to laugh to cover her emotion. “I like to think so, but you and I both know that there are no guarantees. You still need to learn what Joel needs.”
“I know. I know,” he said. “But right now, this woman needs to go to bed.”
Allowing him to lead her up the stairs to her room, she was surprised at how much she craved his tenderness. It took her by surprise. Perhaps because her father had given her so little compassion.
Rafe escorted her into the room and urged her down on to the bed. She sat, looking up at him. “I need to brush my teeth.”
“You want me to undress you?” he asked with a wolfish expression.
She smiled and shook her head. “You need to give me a break. I can’t take you on now.”
“Damn. If I had a little less integrity, I would have my wicked way with you.”
“If I stayed awake,” she said.
“Oh, you would stay awake,” he said with a dark need in his gaze that made her feel as if she’d touched a live electrical wire. “I promise.”
Her stomach dipped at the way he looked at her. She pushed herself to send him away. “Thanks for helping me upstairs. G’night.”
He brushed a strand of her hair from her forehead and she couldn’t withhold a sigh. “G’night. Call me if you need me.”
She shook her head, unable to keep a slight smile from her face. “G’night,” she said with more finality than she would have thought possible.
Rafe couldn’t sleep. His mind weighed heavy with the responsibility of Joel and Nicole. In theory, she wasn’t his responsibility, but in his reality, she was.
Keeping the door to his suite open, he paced his room keeping an ear out for Joel just in case his son awakened in the middle of the night. His son. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it. He was caught between an indescribable joy and terror, but Rafe was determined to be the father he’d lost. Nothing would keep him from it.
He went to the bar in his room and poured himself a shot of Scotch. He tossed back the liquor and felt it burn all the way down his throat. The thought of Nicole burned him in a different way.
For convenience’s sake, he wanted to take her. It would be easier if she was on his side concerning Joel. But that wasn’t all. She made him hot and bothered. He downed another shot and paced his suite.
He heard a sound, a loud moan, and stopped his pacing. A few seconds later, he heard, “No! No!”
Recognizing Nicole’s voice, he headed for her bedroom. She gave a loud shriek. Another. His gut twisted at the sound of fear and desperation and he entered her bedroom.
She tossed and turned, screaming. He immediately climbed into bed and took her into his arms.
“Help,” she called in a voice that stabbed at his heart, her arms splaying around him.
“I’m here,” he said, holding her against him. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
“I can’t breathe. I can’t-” she said, clearly disoriented as she clung to him.
“You’re okay. I’ll keep you safe.” He held her tight.
She took several deep breaths then opened her eyes and met his gaze. “Rafe?”
“Yes. You had a nightmare.”
“I dreamed I was in the hospital. I couldn’t breathe. Joel was crying.” She let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He felt her strain to get close to him and something inside him seemed to shift.
Moments passed before her breath turned to normal. “I should tell you to go,” she whispered.
His heart hammered against his chest.
“But I can’t.”
Later, surrounded by darkness, Nicole awakened to the sensation of Rafe’s arms still wrapped protectively around her. Disconcerted, she tried to recall why he was in her bed, but reality smudged together with frightening dreams.
Rafe’s hard chest meshed with her br**sts. Her legs twined through his.
She supposed she could have pulled away from him, but she wasn’t at all inclined. Instead, she buried her face in his throat and lifted her hands to his shoulders. She’d always been afraid of his kind of strength before, but at this moment, she wasn’t. At this moment, she craved it.
Groaning, he lowered his hands to her hips.
Nicole sucked in a sharp breath and went still.
He squeezed her h*ps and drew her into his crotch.
Oh.
Help.
“You feel so good,” he muttered, rubbing his mouth over her hair.
Her pulse skittered inside her. More than anything, she wanted him closer. He could protect her, make her feel safe.
He thrust against her and she felt his hardness. “I want you,” he muttered against her throat.
She wondered if he was fully awake, but part of her didn’t care. He felt so powerful, strong and good.
He touched one of her br**sts and hesitated. He swore. “I want to be inside you,” he said. “As deep as I can get.” His body shuddered against hers. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked, slipping his hand beneath her chin and lifting it so she would meet his dark, sensuous gaze. “Are you sure you want me to take you?”
She trembled inside and out. No hiding now, she thought, his sense of honor doing crazy things to her. “Yes, I do,” she whispered. “I do.”
He pulled down her panties and his boxers and seconds later, she felt him rubbing against her where she was wet and swollen. He cupped her br**sts and stroked her nipples. The friction of him against her most sensitive place stole her breath.
Arching against him, she spread her thighs, aching for him.
He stroked her with his fingers and took her mouth in an endless kiss that made her feel as if she were drowning. With each caress from his hands and mouth, she grew more restless.
“Rafe,” she said, the husky sound matching her need.
He knew what she needed and thrust inside her with one delicious, filling stroke.
“Oh,” she moaned.
“Oh,” he echoed and swore. With a mind-robbing rhythm, he sent her over the top and followed after.
Eight
Nicole closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Lying beside Rafe, she couldn’t believe how fast-how easily…She gulped in another breath of air, desperately seeking some measure of sanity.
Their coupling had been so primitive and passionate. Taking him and being taken by him had blown the aftereffects of her nightmare clear to smithereens. How could she have gone from complete terror to pleasure to some sort of strange peace in minutes? How could he affect her so powerfully?
A stab of vulnerability shot through her.
As if he knew, his hand wrapped around hers. After their house-on-fire lovemaking, the tenderness of his gesture made her feel like weeping. She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.
“You okay?” he asked in a low voice.
She nodded, but the gravity of the step she’d just taken began to sink in. “We didn’t use protection,” she whispered, pulling her hand away from his and sitting up.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, sitting up, too.
Panic raced through her. “Oh, my God.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, there’s no need to go crazy. One time without contraception doesn’t guarantee a pregnancy.”
His words offered little comfort. “No, but-”
“If it does happen, we can get married,” he said calmly.
She gaped at him in shock. “Married,” she echoed and began to shake her head.
“It’s not the worst thing in the world. You and I have something big in common. Joel. That’s more than a lot of people getting married have in common.”
“But we hardly even know each other. We don’t love each other.”
He dropped his hands from her shoulders and shrugged. “So, what’s love anyway? Intense lust? I think we proved we have that for each other.”
Appalled by his cavalier attitude, she shook her head. “You don’t believe in love?”
A shadow of cynicism crossed his face. “I thought I did one time. I was wrong.”
He was speaking of Tabitha. He’d thought he was in love with her. Her stomach gave a vicious wrench. For an awful second, she feared she was some kind of substitution for her sister. Suddenly feeling overexposed in every way, she pulled the bedspread over her.