That wasn't true. I wasn't scared of anything. Not the way most people were. Not in a way that made them cautious, that made them second guess things they wanted to do. I just barreled ahead, to hell with the consequences. What was the worst that could happen? I'd die? So what?
“No, I'm not...”
“You're so scared of life that you're not fuckin' scared of dyin', Alex,” he said, his voice softer and his words fell with a weighted feeling inside me.
Because he was right.
He was right.
And that was, at once, really frustrating and overwhelmingly upsetting.
I was scared to live a life that didn't involve revenge. I didn't even know what a life like that would mean. If that was taken away from me, what would I have left?
I didn't even have to pause to know that answer: nothing. I would have nothing.
I felt my shoulders sag, my head looking down at my feet.
God, I was pretty pathetic.
“Don't do that,” Breaker's voice cut in and I could see his feet moving toward me. “Don't pull away just because I'm right,” he said, his hand going under the side of my jaw that wasn't bruised.
“Just leave me alone, Breaker,” I said, my voice small. Was it really so hard to see that I wanted to be alone? That I had some shit to sort through?
“That ain't gonna happen. You're gonna stop burrowing into yourself and let me in.”
“Why do you care?” I shot out, my gaze lifting to his and realizing immediately that it was a mistake.
“Because you came crashing into my life talking about twisted porn and taking down the city's worst crime lord in years. You showed me your grit and determination. Your weird brand of selfless strength. Your smart fuckin' mouth. And your phenomenal fuckin' body. You gave me that. For a day, Alex. A fucking day. And I can't get enough of it. So I want more.”
“What if I can't give you more?”
“You can,” he said simply, his thumb stroking across my lips. “But maybe that can wait a bit,” he said, his gaze falling to my mouth.
“Wait?” I asked, feeling a heaviness settling on my chest, a heat rising in my belly.
“First I think I need a reminder about that phenomenal body,” he clarified.
At his words, there was that pre-orgasm fluttering again and I pressed my thighs tighter against it.
“That I can give you,” I said carefully, watching as his eyes darkened.
“God damn right you can,” he said, stepping away. Then moving away, turning his back on me and going toward the living room. “Ain't gonna wait all day for you to follow me,” he called as he lowered himself down onto the couch. “Get your pretty little ass over here and ride me.”
Oh.
Geez.
Okay.
Alright.
Before my mind could even make the decision, my feet were carrying me toward him. I moved around the front of him, standing between his open legs.
“Tee off,” he instructed, watching me in a lazy way.
I reached for the hem and hauled off the tee, dropping it on the floor next to my feet. I took a shaky breath, watching his eyes move slowly down my body, then just as slowly back up.
“Go get a condom out of the nightstand,” he instructed and I reached self-consciously for my tee again. “No,” he said, putting his foot down on it. “Go like that.”
“Breaker...” I tried to reason.
“Like when you say my name. I like it better when you say it when I'm inside you. So go get a fuckin' condom so I can hear that again.”
Flutter flutter flutter.
He was killing me and he hadn't so much as brushed the air around me. So I swallowed hard against the insecurity, turned, and made my way back to the bedroom. I grabbed a condom out of his nightstand and made my way back, trying like hell to keep my chin up and a blush off my cheeks. A mantra like one of those ridiculous self-help hypnosis cds playing in my head on a loop: I am a strong, confident, sexually experienced woman who does not need to feel ashamed of her nudity.
I handed the condom to Breaker who slipped his sweatpants down, casually pulling out his hard cock, and slipping it on.
I felt a clench in my sex at the sight before his eyes rose to me again. “Come here,” he said, his voice rough and soft at the same time. Which didn't seem possible, but it was.
I moved toward him, putting a knee on either side of his thighs so I was straddling him. His hands immediately went to my hips, moving up and over my ribs, running across the sensitive undersides of my breasts before covering them and squeezing, making my head fall back on a groan as my hips lowered, seeking him and the fulfillment he offered.
“You already wet for me, doll?” he asked, one of his hands going around my back to push me forward toward him, his head ducking so his mouth could take my nipple, rolling his tongue over it until it was straining, then sucking hard.
“Yes,” I admitted, my hips rocking across his cock.
“Then take my cock,” he said, moving over to the other nipple and repeating the torture until my rocking became more frantic and I reached down between us, taking his cock in my hand, and moved it toward the entrance, pausing when he pressed against me. His head rose, one of his hands going to the back of my neck and digging in. “Take me inside you, Alex,” he instructed, and the flutter was so strong it was practically a full-blown orgasm. So I lowered my hips, feeling him press across the threshold and closing my eyes on a moan. “No,” he said, the hand on the back of my neck tightening hard enough to bruise. “Look at me when you fuck me.”
My eyes opened slowly, feeling heavy, like I had to fight to keep them open. Until I found his ice blue eyes, seeing the coolness there completely absent, replaced entirely by warmth, by heat. And I never wanted to look away.