Through death and detainment.
"If he gets convicted."
"Oh, he'll get convicted."
"Will I have to testify?" To lie under oath. I wasn't sure that I was in the good graces of a higher power as it stood now, but I couldn't imagine I'd make it any better after swearing on a Bible, then lying through my teeth.
"Probably. Unless he cops a plea deal to get some time shaved off."
The weight of that pressed down, taking what little strength I had as I stumbled toward the bed, crawling up it on all fours, dropping down on the scratchy material of the pillowcases.
"Helen," Charlie's voice called, followed by a hiss as he tried to turn to face me, his hand landing on my thigh, giving it a squeeze.
"I killed someone," I told him, voice small. "I watched him while he choked on blood and a bullet. And then die."
"Helen, you had no choice."
"There's always a choice," I objected.
Maybe if I had chosen differently, Helga would still be alive.
"What was the other option, babe? You being held down on a bed, raped every day and night for years? Is that really what you think you'd prefer?"
"I'd be innocent."
"No one is innocent. Not a single adult walking the face of this earth. We all do ugly things, say ugly things, put ugly back into this world. The way I see it, you are guilty of killing, but by doing so, you took some ugly out of the world. Do you fault a cop when they put a bullet between the eyes of an armed robber? Or a woman who poisons the man who had been abusing their daughter?"
"No."
"Exactly. Some shit is for the greater good. You taking out your father, that was for the greater good. Because, Helen, you don't know the half of what that man was guilty of. If you did, you would wish you'd made him suffer a little more first. You did what you had to do to get out of a shitty situation that was only going to get worse if you didn't fight. It's your God-given fucking right to defend yourself, babe. I don't give a fuck what the law says."
Not quite agreeing with him, but too drained for an argument, I changed tactics. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"We."
"What?"
"What are we supposed to do now is the question. And right now, baby, I think we both need some sleep," he told me, grunting as he pushed to his feet, moved across the room, checked outside the door, then slid all the locks into place before coming back to the bed, lowering himself down onto his back, the only position that seemed to offer him any kind of relief. His arm slid under my pillow, curling me tight to his side, but just far enough that I didn't jostle his ribs.
"There is plenty of time to overthink tomorrow. Tonight, let's sleep."
So that was what we did.SEVENCharlieHelen slept.
I never thought she would.
She lay there biting her cheek, grinding her teeth, working through some shit without sharing it for hours before her eyes finally got too heavy to be ignored, and slid closed.
Her breathing evened out into a blessedly dreamless sleep.
She slept.
I stayed awake, staring at the popcorn ceiling, noting a brown half-circle in the corner where there must have been a leak in the roof that no one cared to fix because this wasn't the kind of place that prided itself on appearances.
It had simply been the furthest I could get from Alberry Park before the pain threatened to black out my vision.
I had barely been able to drag myself inside, throwing up the contents of my stomach into the toilet before I managed to wipe away the worst of the blood on my face, swish some water around my mouth to try to keep the missing tooth site clean. I needed salt water or at the very least a little mouthwash, but I was in no condition to drive to get more supplies.
I was sure once I got myself flat on my back on the bed that I wouldn't be able to get up for a full day.
But then I heard it.
Heard her.
Begging me to let her in.
I would like to say pain was forgotten, or dulled. But that would be a lie. Every fucking inch of my body screamed as I pushed up, nearly doubled over, shuffled my way to the door.
And then I opened it.
And she shattered.
She had always been stronger than she thought, stronger than anyone gave her credit for.
She'd have to be to spend her life surrounded by ugly, and still manage to be good, soft, but also determined to get away, to start again.
There had simply never been a test to her strength before.
But at the first one, she did what needed to be done.