Ian watched him closely for long moments and when a faint hint of red crept up Noah’s neck, he knew there was a lot more to the man’s feelings for Rowe. And when he realized what he felt was relief, he shook his head. Of course, his response to just thinking Hollis Banner had been outside had been a pretty big damn clue that he was still hung up on the asshole.
He and Noah weren’t happening—not when the man had a crush on his friend, which just made him feel so bad for Noah. There really were few worse things than falling for someone who had no chance of returning those feelings. But this put tonight in a whole new light. He decided to relax and enjoy the evening, but did feel a twinge of regret over not getting laid by this sexy man tonight.
“I just fucked up the date, didn’t I?” Noah asked.
“No. But I know where you stand now and that’s probably for the best. How long have you loved him?”
Noah reared back. “Whoa! Nobody said anything about love.”
“You haven’t seen him in years and you still have that note in your voice when you mention his smile? It’s something close if it isn’t.”
Noah raked his fingers through his hair, tugging on a tangle when he got stuck. He sucked in a couple of deep breaths like a man just breaking above the surface of the ocean after a deep dive. “I’m attracted to him and I care about him a lot and yeah, for a time when we served together, I thought I was in love with him. But as you probably know all too well, falling for a mostly straight man is stupid.”
“I never have. I’ve never fallen for anyone, in fact.” He had never been comfortable enough with any of the men he’d slept with to open himself up like that.
“Not even one of your friends? That’s hard to believe with this crowd. I told Rowe it was ridiculous—the amount of hotness in that penthouse the other night.”
“I was pretty young when I met them and they took on the roles of brothers so fast, I never saw them any differently.” Now that he knew where he stood with Noah, he decided to go all in. “That bad situation I mentioned earlier? I was a teenager when I got caught up with Boris Jagger and Rowe and the others got me away from him.”
“I’m guessing the ‘caught up’ wasn’t your choice?”
Ian toyed with his beer, his stomach suddenly souring, but then that usually happened when he thought about those years with Jagger. “No, it wasn’t. And I was too scared to run away for a long, long time. I was luckier than some of the other boys. I ended up having more freedom. Jagger even let me cook, but it came with a price.” He looked away for a moment, watching a family of four enjoying their dinner. “Everything with Jagger came with a price.”
Noah flagged the waiter down and asked for beers for them both. He waited until the man left to speak again, but still lowered his voice. “If I’m understanding this, it’s amazing you’re even alive. Pedoph—men like Jagger—don’t normally let those who could testify against them live.”
“He was different.” Ian’s food sat like a heavy lump in his stomach. “The kids I knew were just let go once they were past their useful date.”
Noah paled.
Ian nodded. “Yeah, you understand. But Jagger scared us into staying with him while we were young, told us what it would be like if we ran away. Some were so far under his influence, they turned around and worked for him instead.”
“Seriously?”
“I knew several who did. He could be…charming when he wanted to be. Could make you think you couldn’t get better or that you didn’t deserve better. He could make you feel like you owed him for taking care of you. Most of those kids fell for his act.”
“Not you?”
Ian slowly shook his head. “Not later, but I did at first. I was too in shock over being in that situation. Later, I saw right through him but pretended my ass off. I managed to make it so I cooked for his parties instead of being one of the party favors.” He broke off before he could say most of the time. He was making that part of his life sound prettier than it actually had been. He looked at Noah, who watched him closely, blue eyes sharp. This man was too smart to know he didn’t share everything and that he wouldn’t—especially not with someone he didn’t know. The only reason he shared now was because Noah had offered to help them. He laughed and it sounded choked, nervous. “The date is really messed up now.”