Torch (Unbreakable Bonds 3)

“I don’t need to be shitfaced to talk about this.” He thought about that look on Noah’s face again. “I’m really messing this up so maybe I do.” He took the shot, then bit the lime. It burned as only tequila can. He coughed, his voice gravelly when he could get words out. “What happened to the salt?”

“It’s not good for you.”

“And tequila is?”

Snow chuckled and drank his own. He put the kitten back onto the floor and sat back in the corner of the couch. “Spill. From the look on your face—”

“Which is not constipation—”

“Stop interrupting me. You’re either upset because the sex is bad or you feel like you’re cheating.”

He shook his head. “Funny enough, I don’t feel like I’m cheating. I haven’t been with anyone else, but that’s not the problem. I know she’s gone. I fucking hate it. Every single day, I hate it. But my feelings won’t change reality and I never planned to not have sex again. I just didn’t plan…well, this.”

“So the sex was bad.”

“Hell no. It’s good. Fucking fantastic, actually. But then it was before.”

Snow cursed, held up a hand to keep him quiet, then poured them two more shots.

“I really hate tequila hangovers, Doc,” Rowe mumbled, nerves making him clutch the glass tight. “They’re like being shot through the space-time continuum into a displaced reality or something. I feel all funky.”

“It just makes me adventurous.” Snow drank his shot, his eyes snapping shut.

“Hey now. Just because I’m admitting to sleeping with a guy doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up my ass to you. No matter how long you coveted it.”

“Apparently, you’ve been giving up your ass a lot longer than you’ve ever told your friends!”

Snow’s sudden shout took him by surprise and he sat up, eyeing his friend closely. “Why are you upset?”

“Because I didn’t know!” Snow slammed his glass down. “Nearly twenty years we’ve been friends and this is the first I’m hearing about this. What kind of sense does that make? You thought, what, that we’d be weirded out by your bisexuality?”

“Of course not. Lucas is bisexual.”

Snow snorted. “He’s so not. You, on the other hand, are different.” He sighed, handing another lime and shot to Rowe. “I have to catch up. Wrap my brain around this.” He stopped and pointed the knife at Rowe again. “I can’t believe you’d keep something like this from us. From me. So you’ve been with men in the past?”

“No. Not men. Just Noah and it was only once. I’ve always been curious, just never interested enough to try anything. I was always attracted to women, too…and that was just easier.” Rowe threw back his drink, then sucked the lime. He flopped back against the sofa and scrubbed his hands over his face, wishing the tequila would kick in just a little bit faster. “But with Noah, everything is different. He stirs something in me—always has. I fought it for years in the Army, because I really enjoy his friendship. And since Mel…well, since Mel I’ve found a few guys attractive, but it was never enough to act on it. Until Noah appeared in Cincy.” He paused, stared at Snow. “I loved my wife, Doc. Still love my wife, but a part of me has always cared about Noah. We have this sort of intense connection and it scares the shit out of me.”

“You two had sex before you met Mel?”

“Yeah. Sort of. We did…stuff. But, I freaked out on him and took off. That’s when I ended up hurt and discharged. You know the rest. But that night we spent together? It was a week before I got shot.”

Snow winced.

“Yeah, I walked off. Left him. I know I hurt him. I suppose I knew it then, but I really do now. We’ve kept in touch over the years and even met up once while I was married. Just as friends—I never cheated. But it was awkward.”

“If it was so awkward, why’d he come here now?”

“He’s alone. Kind of adrift. You know how it is for some who stay in the service longer. He just needed to get his feet under him again. He came here looking only for friendship…but I think he hoped for more.”

“Of course he would, Rowe. You’re a great guy. Lucas and Ian both picked up on his attraction to you. Lucas, of course, who can’t tell a gay man from a unicorn thought he had no chance. He actually felt bad for the guy.”

“That’s just it, Doc. I don’t identify as a gay man. I’ve honestly always thought of myself as straight. I love women. Love everything about them. I just had…I don’t know, leanings. But I know I’m not straight either now. For sure.”

Snow cracked a naughty grin. “I understand why. Noah is fucking hot. And he’s got this devil-may-care presence—kind of reminds me of someone.” He winked. “Add in that he shares your secret weapon and you don’t really stand a chance.”