“But this isn’t about Green. You’re not supposed to be apologizing about Green.”
“If I hadn’t killed Green, Mel would still be alive! I killed Mel—”
“Fuck!” Andrei roared, shoving both hands through his hair to push it back from his face. “You can’t control everything. Mel isn’t your fault. You can’t control what Jagger does or Gratton did. But you can control the promises you break!”
Lucas jerked again, his hand going to his stomach like Andrei had punched him. “What…what promise?”
Andrei stepped around the desk so it was no longer separating them. “You promised me…that night The Warehouse burned. You told me that you loved me.” His voice wobbled and he swallowed hard before he continued, pointing at Lucas’s chest. “You said that I would never doubt how important I was to you.”
“Baby, no…” he whispered, his voice broken. “You are my world, Andrei. Everything, you mean everything to me.” Lucas blinked, trying to clear away the tears that were blurring his vision. His chest ached and he wanted to pull Andrei into his arms, but he was afraid that Andrei wouldn’t let him. That it was too late. “When…when I found out the truth about who Green was, I couldn’t…couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t even fucking breathe. I needed to leave. To just go somewhere so I could breathe again and deal with what I did.”
“Why?”
Lucas could only shake his head. He’d had to leave. To deal with the truth and the consequences on his own.
Andrei surged forward, closing the distance between them in a heartbeat. His large, warm hands cupped both of Lucas’s cheeks, forcing him to meet Andrei’s hard gaze. “Would you have let Snow do that? Just leave him to suffer alone? No! You would have been right there with him, helping him through that. Why isn’t it the same for you?”
“Can’t,” Lucas forced out. “I-I have to be strong. I can’t—I have to deal with this myself. Everyone relies on me.…”
“No!” Andrei gave him a tiny shake, his hands tightening so they were almost painful. “Your family was ready to be there for you. I was ready to be there for you and you shut me out. If I’m so important, how can you shut me out?”
Andrei’s voice cracked and Lucas squeezed his eyes shut. Tears leaked from the corners and spilled unchecked down his cheeks. “I’m sorry. God…Andrei, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to shut you out. I only want to protect you and…”
“You can’t protect me by shutting me out of your life. I want to know everything about you. I want to be there when you’re hurt or angry. I want…I want to be the one you talk to.” Andrei’s grip eased on Lucas’s face and his thumb swiped over his cheek, wiping away a tear. “I love you.”
Lucas lifted his hands to Andrei’s waist, squeezing and soaking in the reassurance that he was back in Lucas’s hands. That he was still there, strong and warm and solid. “I love you too.”
“You’re not shutting me out again.”
Lucas shook his head, then turned it so he could kiss Andrei’s palm. “No. I’ll come to you. Talk to you. I swear it.”
“You’re also going to marry me.”
Lucas blinked. His heart skipped a beat and then raced in his chest as he met Andrei’s unflinching gaze. There was no smile or smirk or anything to indicate that he was in any way joking. Andrei narrowed his eyes as if daring Lucas to contradict him.
“You want to get married?” Lucas asked when he could find his voice. “I wasn’t even sure you were going to be here, that you’d want to stay. That you’d even want me.”
Sliding one hand down to the back of Lucas’s neck, Andrei lowered his other hand to run across his chest and cover Lucas’s hammering heart. “Those last couple of weeks I was pissed at you. Thought a lot about leaving, about giving up on a relationship that I wasn’t sure you wanted to be a part of. But I know you love me and figured that I just needed to make you see that you weren’t alone.”
“Marriage…”
For the first time, the smallest smile tugged at Andrei’s lips. “For those times I’m not standing right in front of you, reminding you that I’m not going anywhere, I want you to look down at the ring I put on your finger and know that I’m still there for you. That you are mine and I am yours. Always.”
Wrapping his arms around Andrei, he pulled him roughly against his body, capturing his lips in a consuming kiss. Andrei moaned, his mouth opening instantly, welcoming Lucas inside, drawing him closer so the same breath flowed from one and into the other.
Andrei wanted him. Wanted to possess him so they were forever linked. Yes, he wanted that. He wanted everything with Andrei.