“I wasn’t sure if I would.”
I sit next to her. The bartender asks what I want. I order a hamburger and fries even though I’m not that hungry. In fact, I feel a little sick to my stomach.
“And a ginger beer, please,” I add, hoping that will settle my stomach.
“What do you want?” I say. I don’t say it in a way that is rude, but there’s an edge to my voice none the less.
“I’m sorry I outed you and Professor Whitford.”
I nod, slowly forming the next words in my head so I don’t lose my cool. The whole point of this meeting is to patch things up enough to continue to be roommates.
“You could have ruined my life, Brenna. I could have lost my scholarship, and Leo—Professor Whitford—can still lose his job. Do you know what kind of damage you’ve caused?”
She puts her forehead on the bar. “I know. I was just so mad and full of self-loathing that I felt the need to bring someone down with me. And when I heard how well you did on your scores, you became the obvious target.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“I was drunk.”
“That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it.”
She sighs. “I know.”
I get my burger and ginger beer. While I pick at my fries and sip my drink, I think about what Leo is doing right now. I haven’t checked my phone in a while. Has he texted me or has he given up on us? Even though I know it has to be over, the thought of him giving up on us is heartbreaking.
“I really fucked up,” Brenna says. I nod, thinking she’s talking about what she did to me and Leo. “No, I mean, I did something else. I cheated on my tests and I may have gotten caught. I have an interview with the review board tomorrow, but they haven’t told me why. I think that’s it. I called you here to apologize, but also to say goodbye, just in case.”
I look at her, shocked. “Why would you do something so stupid … and better yet, how the hell did you fail your tests if you cheated?”
She laughs and I find myself smiling despite myself.
“I was hung over. I mixed up the tests and put the wrong answers on each one. That’s how I imagine they caught me.”
I shake my head, feeling a little sorry for her now.
“I need to go; I have a cab waiting outside. I’ve been drinking since I woke up this morning.” She shrugs. “I just needed to get that off my chest. And I also wanted to tell you that you and Leo are good together. I know he’s not the reason you aced your tests. I’ve seen you work hard to get where you are. I wish I had met you sooner. Maybe some of your good habits would have rubbed off on me.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling the anger leach out of me.
She gets up off the bar stool and steals some of my fries on the way out. Before she walks out the door, she turns to me and says, “Invite me to the wedding, okay?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. But there won’t be a wedding. There’s not even a relationship anymore. And that fact breaks my heart into a tiny little pieces.
I drag her chicken wings over to me and eat all of her food plus my own before driving home and crying myself to sleep.4Classes start a week later and I still haven’t talked to Leo. I can’t bear the thought of seeing him again. That hasn’t stopped him from calling and texting every day, multiple times a day, even. I still haven’t read any of the texts and I don’t plan to. But knowing he hasn’t given up on me is some relief. Maybe one day, when he finally stops, I won’t be so sad. I successfully managed to avoid any other classes with him this semester, and none of my other classes are in Greyson, so I don’t have to worry about accidently running into him. That gives me some peace of mind.
My heart is in my throat when I get back to my dorm. I brace myself to see Brenna again. Even though we patched things up at the pub, I’m afraid things will still be awkward between us. Opening the door, I notice immediately that all of her stuff is gone. Usually, if there is a roommate change or any change to the dorm living situation, I’d get an email from the school, but I haven’t, so I wonder if she even gave notice or if they told her to get out immediately. I’m not exactly upset that we’ll no longer be in the same dorm room, but I’m upset that she’s gone. It will be nice not to walk in on orgies or listen to moaning and groaning as she’s double penetrated at two in the morning while I’m trying to sleep. But still. There’s something very sad about the whole situation.