Something for the Pain (Pain 2)

I’m completely lost in this woman and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it but force myself to treat her like I used to; like my best friend, and not someone that I want to make love to until the early hours of the morning. I never knew that falling for your best friend could hurt so fucking much, but I wouldn’t change this feeling for the world. She’s always been the one thing to keep my pain away, and now because of me she will be the cause of it.

From the rhythm of her heavy breathing I know that she’s still deeply asleep, so I lean over and allow myself to kiss the corner of her mouth one last time. My chest fucking aches as I pull away and watch her twitch a little from my touch.

I need some fresh air. I feel as if I’m suffocating in here, wanting to do the things that I know I need to put an end to. If I stay here with Tripp I know I’m going to ruin us both. I can’t allow that.

Jumping out of bed, but being careful not to wake her, I throw on my shirt and head outside for a run; a long fucking run, and I’m hoping it will do something to ease this tightness in my chest. I need some kind of release, anything at this point, and the way I’ve been feeling lately . . . fighting off steam sounds good. I need to stay away from that lifestyle and I know it. Memphis will kill my ass if I end up back in the alley. Looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time getting acquainted with these open roads.

In the whole hour or more that I’ve been running, Tripp hasn’t left my mind yet. That worries me. The more I think about Lucas coming home and me not being able to touch her like I have for the last week, the stronger my anger grows, and a resentment towards Lucas builds. Running isn’t doing shit to put the flame out that is burning in my chest.

That asshole will be the one touching her, tasting her, and sleeping next to her at night. Not me. Not fucking me.

“Fucking shit!”

Stopping, I grip my sweaty hair and stand here for a moment, hating myself. I let this happen. I’m the one that kissed Tripp in the first place and talked her into thinking that everything would be okay. I’m the one that wanted to make love to her in front of Lucas to show him how she should be treated. It’s my fault that things may never be the same between us. I was weak. She makes me weak, even though I’ve fought hard to be nothing but strong for her over the years.

Leaning over I grip my knees and fight to catch my breath. I need to do something. The question is. . . . What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’ve fallen so deep that I may not have any other choice but to pull her under with me.

I start running again, fast and hard. I run for what feels like forever; my body aching, my lungs about to explode, and my heart fucking hurting for Tripp.

Two hours later I’m standing outside the back of our house, letting myself in through the gate. I’m surprised when I see Tripp sitting next to the pool in her panties and a tank top. I instantly get hard, and hate myself for not being able to fight it.

“Hi,” she says as I close the gate behind me. “You look exhausted.”

“I should still be out there, honestly.” Yanking my shirt off, I run it over my face and head, wiping away the sweat that is pouring down my body. I see her eyes taking in my flexing muscles, working their way down to my erection, and it does nothing to rid my dirty thoughts of her. “You’re awake,” I say, in hopes to keep my dirty mouth in check. “It’s early.”

She inhales and starts splashing her feet in the water. I hate seeing her look stressed, and I hate it even more that I might be the cause of it. “Yeah, Lucas sent me a text and woke me up. I noticed that you were gone and couldn’t go back to sleep. I needed some fresh air.”

I hate knowing that she was talking to Lucas this morning, and a part of me wants to know if she misses him. I probably shouldn’t ask, but . . .

“Do you miss him, Tripp?”

Her face looks pained when her eyes meet mine, but she quickly shakes it off and goes back to splashing her legs in the water, going deeper this time. It’s as if she wants to avoid my question. “I don’t know . . .”

I swallow hard and take a seat beside her, dipping my legs into the water and wrapping them around hers, capturing them. “I don’t think you do,” I say honestly. I pull her closer to me and push her hair behind her shoulder, letting my eyes take in her beauty. All I can think about is biting that sexy neck and then soothing it with my tongue. Control Alex. Fucking control. “I think we both know that you two don’t belong together. I think you’re just settling and I fucking hate it. He’s an idiot and you can do way better.” So much for control . . .

“Alex . . .” She pulls her legs out of mine and jumps to her feet. I hate the look on her face as she looks down at me. She’s questioning me with her eyes, pleading with me not to go there. It’s a look I don’t see often from her. “I really don’t want to talk about this again. You guys used to be really close. I don’t get what changed that.”

“You,” I admit. “My protectiveness over you won over all the other bullshit of being his friend. You’ve been my top priority since day one, and your happiness is at the top of my every day fucking list, dammit.”

I stand up and pull her in for a hug, showing her I’m fucking sorry and I’m an idiot, when her eyes begin to glisten. “The last thing I ever want to do is make you cry, babe.” I press my lips to the top of her head and rock her back and forth in my arms, comforting her. “I’m sorry. I’m here for you no matter what. Never forget that. That’s all I’m trying to say. I’m trying to look out for you. I need to look out for you. It’s how I survive.”

“I know . . . I don’t . . .” She stops talking and squeezes me tighter as if she can’t get close enough. Her sweet smell overwhelms me, causing me to bury my face into her neck, wanting more. “I’m just having a hard time right now.”

“Me too, baby. Me too.” Pulling away, I grab her chin and force a smile. “Take the day off. Let’s both call in. I want to spend the day with you and see you smile. You need to smile.”

There’s no hesitation when she agrees to take the day off, and it makes my heart jump with joy. The old Tripp would never say no to an Alex and Tripp day. We need this more than we both know. “Where are we going?”

I tangle both of my hands into the back of her hair and massage. “Will you go see my mother with me? I just want to sit there like old times, in silence, just remembering all the good times. You’re the only one that seems to soothe my pain when there and it’s been a while since I’ve gone.”