Slamming her against my wall, I slam my lips to hers and kiss her harder and deeper than I’ve ever kissed anyone in my life. With each caress of our lips, my heart aches more and more.
Coming to her senses, Calla places her hands to my chest and pushes me away, turning her head away from my reach. “Don’t . . .” She fights to catch her breath, her eyes heated. “Do that again. Goodbye, Kyan.”
I stand here, hands in my hair as I watch her walk out my door and out my life. With the slam of my door anger bursts through me that makes me want to break everything in sight.
The worst part is that I know I only have myself to blame. I’m a stupid fucking dick and now because of that I’ve hurt the one person that I can’t stop thinking about.
I punch the wall and growl out at the thought of her possibly being with Hunter now. There’s nothing standing in her way. She could be at his door right now and he could be opening it and taking her to his bed to console her by fucking her. The thought makes me feel sick.
I stand here with my hands against the wall, just staring for the longest time. It takes me repeatedly reminding myself that this is it, for it to really begin to sink in.
Finally pulling my shit together, I reach in the fridge for my twelve pack and carry it into the bedroom, before tossing my towel aside and drinking my ass into a sleep induced coma.
So much for no one fucking getting hurt . . .
I’M TOTALLY LOST IN MY head, not even noticing the fact that Tori has been calling my name for the last five minutes. Her voice can get pretty annoying so I usually block it out anyways, but I must really be blocking it out right now. I finally snap out of it when she yells in my ear, causing me to jump and almost drop my damn camera.
“Tori! What the hell? Don’t do that to me. I was thinking,” I grind out. “Jeez.”
“Exactly.” She lets out an annoyed huff and walks around me to snap a few pictures of the bride and groom dancing. Apparently I’ve been doing a crappy job and have been kneeling here just staring like a moron. “All you’ve been doing for the last two days is thinking. Get out of your head before it drives you insane. Ever since you broke it off with Kyan or whatever, you’re barely even here. You need to snap out of it, honey. Don’t let this bring you down and ruin your career. My clicker finger hurts like hell. Now help. Snap. Snap.”
Shaking my thoughts off, I focus my attention on the happy couple lovingly dancing and practically groping each other for the whole world to see. It causes an ache in my chest, reminding me just how alone I have truly been for the last two years. I’ve been playing it off pretty well, acting as if it hasn’t affected me and that I haven’t wanted love again, but the loss of Kyan is making it crystal clear how much I really do. The last thing I need is a slew of happy couples rubbing it in my face that I’m completely miserable. This sucks.
I barely make it through the next hour without throwing my camera at the overly happy bride’s head. That sounds so bad, but she’s smiling way too much for my liking right now. Every time she smiles at me I get this feeling that she knows everything and is rubbing it in my face that I suck ass and will never have what she has. Really it’s just me being a miserable asshole, but oh well.
I have so much going on in my head that it’s making it hard to focus on everything else at the moment. The last two days have been a complete struggle and it’s actually been Tori yelling at me to get my ass in gear instead of the other way around. Talk about strange.
Another thing is that I haven’t even seen Hunter to tell him how I’ve completely fallen on my ass for his brother that doesn’t even want me back. I’m hoping that he’ll understand and not take it personal. He’s a good guy, but we both knew what it was to begin with. It was bound to come to an end at some point anyway. It was supposed to be the same with Kyan, yet I let myself fall like an idiot.
Hunter has texted me a few times over the last couple days, but I’ve lied and said I was busy. He texted me again this morning, so deciding that it’s best to get it over with, I replied back asking him to meet me downstairs at the bar around nine. I know by the time I get home tonight I’m going to be too tired to meet him anywhere outside of the apartment building, and the last place I want to invite him is to my apartment. That’s definitely a bad idea. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
Happily saying goodbye to the newlyweds, Tori and I pack our equipment before stopping for some fast food and heading home. The whole time I’m eating, I’m racking my brain of the best way to explain this all to Hunter.
It’s not that I’m worried it will break his heart, because I know he doesn’t have feelings for me, but it’s just an awkward conversation to have to begin with. This is all new to me; very new and I’m hoping it will be the last time I have to do this.
TAKING A SEAT AT THE bar, I smile when Dane makes his way over, holding a pretty blue drink in his hand. It’s the same one I ordered the night I met Kyan. He’s good. I like Dane.
He smiles at me and sets it down in front of me. “Feeling a little adventurous tonight?”
Laughing, I reach out for the drink and tug on the straw, splashing it around in the glass. Seeing Dane feels good right now. He’s just so easy to talk to and be around. Nothing about him is complicated. I need that for a few minutes. “Thanks, Dane. You might want to keep these coming tonight. I have a feeling that it’s going to be a long night. A really long night.”
Throwing his towel over his shoulder, he leans against the bar and prepares to listen as if he has all night. “Trouble with the Wilder boys?” He lifts a brow and smirks when I give him a surprised look. “What? You don’t think that I’ve seen you around here with both of them? I have eyes you know.”
I clear my throat and place my straw to my lips, taking a long drink. Mmm . . . this is so delicious. Too bad I discovered that it’s not as adventurous as I had originally hoped. Scrunching up my face, I look up at Dane and smile awkwardly. “This is awkward.” I clear my throat again and laugh nervously. “It’s a long story. Sort of . . . complicated . . . and twisted. It was all just meant to be for fun. I promise that they both knew. I would never . . .”
“I know,” he interrupts. “You don’t have to explain to me how the Wilder brothers work. Kyan has his head stuck in his career and Hunter has his head stuck in partying. I haven’t known of either one of them to make a commitment. Those two sleeping with the same girl was bound to happen at some point. Don’t feel stupid. I’ve seen other women try and fail to be in your position. You’d be surprised at how many girls practically beg to be with both Wilder men.”