This Regret

Holy shit . . . it is him.

Chapter Six

Kellan

The world is spinning around me and pain is coursing through my jaw, but the only thing I can seem to think of is the look in my baby brother’s eyes when he noticed who the hell I was. The pain I have put on him is more than any brother should have to handle and I don’t even deserve to be in the same room with him. I can honestly say I deserved that punch.

Seeing him for the first time in eight years is exactly what I imagined, maybe worse. He’s standing there straight and tall and pissed off as all hell. Looking into those baby blues, cold as ice and full of hatred, it hurts to see how different he is and that I have missed so much over the years. He’s no longer that scrawny little seventeen year old kid with the unruly blond curls that were too powerful for his tiny head, or skinny little twig legs I used to make fun of. Now he’s almost as big as I am, standing six foot one, with eyes so intense it looks as if he can rip a whole army apart. Who knows, maybe he thinks he can. He looks like a man and it saddens me I didn’t help him to get there.

When I first saw Phoenix walk in, I wasn’t positive it was her, but one look into those eyes and I knew it had to be. I’d know those eyes anywhere, they were just like Adric’s. My heart stopped at the thought, but after seeing the confirmation on her I.D, my whole world just crumbled at my feet. The whole past came rushing to me in a flood of emotions and I felt as if I was fighting to breathe underwater. Even worse though, was seeing my baby brother walk in, sporting that short lived smile on his face and damn, I think I just died a little.

I have been back for six months. Six whole f**king months and I haven’t even been able to get up enough courage to see my family. Seeing them like this was the last thing on my list of shit to do. It’s been eight long years since I have set eyes on either one of them and seeing them now is like ripping open an old wound.

As much as I have missed my baby brother, it’s her that I can’t tear my eyes away from. She’s standing there, staring off as in pain or shock. Similar to receiving news that someone close died.

I always knew she was going to be beautiful, but damn, she blows my mind. She’s no longer that sweet, lanky fifteen year old girl I used to protect. No, now she’s blossomed into a full grown woman, taking my breath away. She’s standing opposite of me about five foot five, petite, but with curves sexy enough to make a man’s mouth water and wish he could taste every last bit of her skin against his tongue. Her wavy brown hair falls against her smooth skin, barely brushing her breast. Those big gray eyes, lined with long thick lashes could pierce your soul. I follow down that perfect little nose until my eyes stop on those plump, pink lips, causing me to swallow. She’s standing there in those low riding jeans and a black lacy bra. Fuck, what a beautiful set of br**sts. I can almost see the tops of her ni**les and all I can think about is running my tongue across them, getting a taste. She has a belly button ring and the perfect round bottom I want to squeeze and to top it off, long slender legs that would look more amazing wrapped around me. All I can imagine is what it would be like to have her naked body rubbing against mine as I pound into her, releasing some of this built up aggression. Still, my eyes look back to those big gray eyes, full of hurt, not to mention she’s Adric’s little sister. The girl I always promised to protect. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about her. I’m a f**ked up man. She definitely needs protecting, protection from me.

I take a step back as Phoenix speaks, breaking the silence of this hell we’ve entered. “Kellan,” she chokes out, her pained voice barely a whisper. She lets out a breath and her legs slightly tremble. “I can’t believe it’s actually you. After all of this time, it can’t be.” Placing her hands to her face, she slowly turns away from my view and mumbles under her breath. “This is really happening . . .”

I try to focus on her words, but Kade breaks my concentration by shoving me backwards and into the station.

I catch myself and try to reason with him. “Kade. I’m sorry.”

He shoves me again and I get up just to be shoved for a third time.

“Dammit, Kade, stop. You’re f**king pushing it now,” I bite out, fighting with everything in me to keep my cool.

“Fuck!” He rubs his hand up the side of his face before pulling his hair, then he leans over the tattoo chair and grips the edge until his knuckles turn white. “You have a lot of nerve showing up so close to home and without any word that you’re back.” He squeezes the chair tighter. “What the f**k, Kellan,” he growls, his veins popping out of his arms and neck. “You could’ve been dead for all of these years. We didn’t know shit. You kept us in the dark.” He sucks in a burst of air before releasing the chair and grabbing his face. “Your family, Kellan, you’re not supposed to shut out family. The ones that have loved you and looked up to you.” His voice breaks, almost as if holding back tears, as he looks up at me. “How could you just walk away?”

Seeing him this way is waking an anger inside of me I’ve tried to keep repressed for a while and all I want to do is break something, but I know I have to stay calm.

Taking a step forward, I reach out to grab his shoulder. “Kade. I-”

He jerks his shoulder away, avoiding my touch. “Don’t touch me. I can’t be that close to you. I don’t even know what to say right now.” He stumbles on his words while standing back up and taking a few steps back. “This is beyond f**ked up.”

“It’s a long story, Kade; you will never understand, and I don’t expect you to.” I swallow hard and look up to see Tyler enter the room.

“What the f**k’s going on in here? What did I miss?” He looks around at everybody, eyes suspicious as they land back on me. “Is everything cool, man?

The hard look on his face tells me he has my back if needed and as much as I appreciate it, it still lights a fire inside of me to even think about him hurting my family. Tyler’s been the closest thing to me since I’ve returned six months ago, but he doesn’t know about my past and I want to keep it that way. This is my mess to fix.

“Just give us a minute.” My words come out harsher than intended, but with Tyler being as close as we are, I know he understands the importance.

“Yeah, okay then.” His eyes scan the room once more before he turns and heads for the door. He pauses and looks back one last time. “I’ll be outside if you need me.” With that, he opens the door and walks out, leaving the three of us alone again.