This Regret

As I approach, Kellan stares at me from his stool while playing with the empty glass in front of him. His eyes are dark, fierce and almost tormented as he fights some kind of internal battle, never taking his eyes away from mine. It’s as if he’s trying to read my mind to figure something out.

I stop right in front of him and look between the two men. They both look as if they’re waiting on something, so I decide to break the awkward silence. I can’t take it. Focusing my attention on Kellan, I ask, “Have you talked to Jen? She hasn’t answered my texts in a while. I’m beginning to worry. Is she all right?”

The tension in the room deepens as Kade eyes his older brother waiting on a response. He looks pissed. I guess I sort of forgot to mention to him what happened with Nate. With all of the hate Kade's been spitting at me tonight, I guess it kind of slipped my mind.

Standing, Kellan pushes the bar stool behind him and reaches out as if he’s about to touch my lips, but then stops, leaning his arm on top of the bar instead. His eyes linger over to Kade before he turns back to me. “I talked to Tyler on the way here and he said Jen and Jax have been sound asleep for the last hour. You don’t need to worry. I can promise you Nate will not be coming back and if he does, Tyler will take care of him. They’re safe, trust me.”

“Are you sure of that?” Kade puts in his two cents, clearly pissed off that he wasn’t included. “I’m not so sure we can trust you,” he admits. He looks to me as if I’m the one that said it in the first place. “Right, Phoenix?”

I get ready to answer, until a voice I recognize so well interrupts. A voice I used to love hearing in the middle of the night, when I woke up full of sweat, wanting to run off to the Ranch. A voice that used to make me smile and laugh, even when inside I didn’t feel it. A voice I told myself I would be okay with never hearing again. Aiden Lane, my first and only serious boyfriend. The one I gave myself to.

“Phoenix.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, soft and gentle. He was always so gentle with me as if I was made of glass and would shatter with one wrong move. That made me feel so vulnerable and weak. Back then, I was weak.

“Aiden,” I whisper in surprise.

The look on the boys’ faces when I whisper that name is almost enough to kill. I know Kade remembers him, but Kellan, I’m not so sure of. I know for a fact he has no idea he’s my ex.

Pools of emotions swarm through me as I turn around and set my eyes on his charmingly handsome face. He’s standing there smiling as if seeing me is the best part of his day. It always had been.

His bright emerald eyes light up as his beautiful smile broadens. His chestnut hair is short, spiked slightly in the front in a sexy carefree way that makes me remember what it was like running my fingers through it at night. He’s wearing a mint green polo that looks beautiful against his tanned skin, paired off with a pair of pale blue jeans that rest perfectly against his pair of white Vans. He’s just as delicious as I remember and seeing him almost makes it feel as if he never left. The day he left, I was heartbroken. I cried for weeks.

He holds his arms out for me as he did in the past, knowing I would fall into them every time. I go to them without question and he hugs me tightly, rocking me back and forth. “I was hoping I could still find you here.” He pulls away and grabs my arms. “How have you been? Do you have a minute?” He looks beside him at Kade and nods his head. “Kade. Good to see you.” Then he turns to Kellan, who is standing there with a blank expression. He hesitates for a moment before finally speaking. “Aiden.” He holds out his hand for Kellan to shake and he takes it, squeezing tightly with hard eyes.

“Kellan. A friend of Phoenix’s,” he says stiffly while shaking his hand. “Are you from around here, Aiden?”

I pull Kellan’s hand away from Aiden’s and laugh nervously. That shake didn’t seem too friendly. “Aiden used to live here, but he moved about a year ago for his job. It involved a lot of traveling.”

“Actually, I just moved back. That’s why I’m here.” Aiden reaches over and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. Somehow, that gets me nervous. It feels just a little too intimate and I’m already completely confused as it is. “I was hoping I could get a moment alone with you.” He turns to the boys and flashes them a smile. “If you boys don’t mind, of course. I don’t mean to me rude.”

Kade snickers before running his tongue over his teeth with a look of disgust. For some reason, he always hated Aiden. “Of course not, old friend. I have some ladies to tend to anyways.” He looks at me harshly. “Excuse me while I do my job.” Then he walks over to, no doubt, charm the women that have been staring at both him and Kellan this whole time.

I tilt my head and bite my tongue. That ass**le. There’s not one damn person in this whole bar that needs a drink. I know how to do my job. I could reach out and punch him in the throat. I bet those girls would get a kick out of that.

Pulling out the stool, Kellan plops his butt back down on it and gives us a nod as if saying he’s cool with it. Then he reaches behind the bar and pulls out a bottle of Whiskey.

I clear my throat and focus on Aiden. “Sure, Aiden. Sorry,” I whisper embarrassed. “Let’s go over here where it’s quiet.”

I lead him over to a table in the back corner of the room. The whole time we’re walking, my heart is pounding against my ribcage. When he left, we were madly in love. We only broke it off because of his need to travel. Seeing him now, I can’t help but to wonder where we would be if he never left or if I had gone with him when he asked. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t leave Adric. Alba is where my heart will always be.

“So . . . Aiden. Wow, you look really good.” And he does. I smile up at him before leaning in to give him another hug. I don’t know why I feel the need to do this, but I do. With him, I know I always can. With Kellan, not so much. I want to touch him, but I’m afraid. Afraid he won’t want me to or that he will want me to. I can’t figure it out. With Aiden, it was always easy.

His arms tighten around me as his lips meet the back of my head, soft and gentle. “It feels so good to hold you, baby. I’ve missed touching you so much.”

I pull away nervously and lean against the table behind me. I almost miss it, but somehow catch myself before looking like an idiot. Thank goodness. I look over toward the bar, unable to fight the urge to see if Kellans still here and watching. He’s still in the same spot, his eyes focused directly on us, looking on edge as he tilts back the bottle of Whiskey. He’s definitely watching. That makes me nervous. “So you’re back,” I say changing the subject. “What are you doing back? Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just . . . I thought you said you would never move back to this crappy town.”