This Regret

He drops the bag of shredded cheese on the counter and walks over to stand between my legs. His hands grip my thighs and he pulls me to him with desperation. His eyes meet mine for a split second before his face is brushing against my neck, his breath warm against my cool skin. His touch chills me to the bone. I can hear him breathing in my scent as he runs his nose along my skin, stopping just under my ear. “It’s not that simple. Trust me. You deserve much more than I can give you.” His hands reach up to wrap in the back of my hair. His shoulders flex as his fist tightens. “I’m no good for you.” He kisses my neck, his lips lingering for a moment. “No good for anyone.” He brushes his lip ring up the front of my neck, teasing me, before kissing my chin and then my forehead. “Now let me give you something I am good for. Let me cook you breakfast. I think I’m pretty damn good at that.”

This man is driving me mad. Why does he have to tease me? Can’t he see just how unfair this is to me? I’m a grown woman now. I can make my own decision.

Placing my hands on his chest, I push him away so I can get a good look at his face. “I think I can be the judge of whether or not you’re good for me. How do you know what’s good for me? I’m not a child anymore, Kellan. I’m a woman now and trust me, I want you.”

His eyes become dark as he stares at me, his jaw clenching tightly. He doesn’t say a thing. He just stands there looking into my eyes. After a moment, he finally speaks. “On second thought . . . maybe you should get dressed. I’ll go ahead and start the pizza.”

He turns so his back is facing me and runs his hands over his face, blowing out his breath. I grind my jaw, jump off the counter and leave the kitchen feeling like an ass. What must I do to get through to him? Whack him upside the head with a sign that says ‘take me, I’m yours,’ because if that’s what he wants, then I’ll run and grab my favorite markers and draw that shit up right now. I’m losing my grip here.

By the time I am dressed and walking back into the kitchen, he has most of the pizza already put together. The sauce, the cheese and the ham. He smiles and steps away from the counter. “I left your favorite part for you.”

“Okay.” I walk over to the pizza, reach for the bag of bacon, and sprinkle a crap load on top before reaching for the bag of shredded chicken and adding that on top as well. He definitely knows me better than any other man ever could.

I get a whiff of the deliciousness in front of me and suddenly, I am starving. “This smells so good right now.”

“Does it?” He smiles. “’Cause all I can smell is f**king cupcakes.” He grabs the pizza from my hand and shoves it into the oven. At least I didn’t hide my phone there last night. That would be embarrassing. “What are you doing today?”

Why? Are you going to volunteer to hang out with me? That would be fan-fucking-tastic. I run my fingers through my messy hair and shake my head, hoping not to look too desperate. “Nothing really. Well, actually. I did sort of have something in mind.” I look up, reading his expression.

“Oh yeah. What’s that?” He looks nervous now as if he’s afraid of my answer. He swallows hard and runs a hand through his hair. “Does it involve that Aiden guy? He seems boring if you ask me. I’m much more fun.” He grins while shoving a handful of cheese in his mouth. “Trust me on that.”

“Not exactly, I was planning on-”

Zoe appears in the doorway and clears her throat to get our attention. “Are you serious? It’s early as crap.” She sniffs the air while stretching her arms above her head and squinting. “Is that pizza I smell?” she asks with a confusing but hopeful look.

“Yeah, smells amazing, right?” Kellan picks up a piece of chicken and tosses it at Zoe’s shoulder, making her smile. “Do you have something for me yet?”

Zoe’s eyes go wide as she rubs her hands together. “Oh yeah! You’re damn straight I do.” Bending down, she grabs the piece of chicken from the floor and pops it into her mouth, chewing. “Mmm . . . that is pretty good. I’ll be right back.” She takes off running out of the kitchen with a huge smile.

All right, then. It’s a good thing I mopped. Now that, is definitely one thing she got from Adric. That boy would eat anything no matter where it’d been.

A few minutes later, Zoe rushes back into the kitchen with a piece of paper. She holds it out to Kellan. “If you laugh, I will kick you where it counts. I’ve spent the last four days putting this crap together.”

She shoves it into his chest, and he grabs it nodding at her. “Writing a poem isn’t easy. I would never laugh, Zoe.”

Zoe plasters on a smile. “I don’t know about that. After you hear what you have to do for me, you might laugh.” She holds her thumb and index finger a couple inches apart. “Maybe just a little bit. Or at least Phoenix might get a laugh out of this. I know I will.”

“Is there something I should know about?” I look at them questionably. “First you hid secrets with Adric and now my little sister. When do I ever get to get in on these little secrets?”

Kellan nudges me in the side and lifts a brow. “I already let you in on a secret. A huge secret, remember?” He winks and turns back to face Zoe, which is now giving me an odd look. I’m pretty sure she just put that together. “Read it aloud and like I said, I’ll do anything you tell me to.”

Kellan holds his hand out with the paper between his fingers and Zoe hesitates shortly, but then grabs it. “You really expect me to read it to you both now?”

With his arms crossed over his chest, he nods and leans against the counter. “It will feel good to read it to someone or if you’d rather, you can always sing it. I bet you like to sing, right? Your brother loved singing. It was his passion.”

Zoe’s eyes wander over to me and I see something in there I’ve never seen before. Hope. She clears her throat and looks back over at Kellan. “It’s a poem so I’m not sure how good it will sound with me singing it, but I’ll give it a shot. I sound pretty decent in the shower, I guess.”

My stomach knots up in anticipation as I wait for her voice to fill the kitchen, and when it does, my heart breaks. She has just as much passion in her powerful voice as Adric did. I had no idea she could even sing.

“Is there a place to hide so no one knows, these feelings that are about to show?