This Regret

His jaw clenches as he looks me in the eyes. He gets ready to speak, but stops when a growl sounds from below us. "Go lay down, Rayne."

I lean my head over his shoulder and look down at a massive brown pit baring her teeth at me. My heart jumps out of my chest as I throw my arms around Kellan. "Is she really going to bite me?"

He snaps his fingers and points toward the door. "Go to your room."

Suddenly, the huge pit doesn’t look so big and tough under Kellan’s demand. She wags her nub of a tail, shakes her head and takes off running down the hall, obeying her master. Thank goodness. I don't feel like dying tonight.

Kellan cups my face and presses his lips against mine for a quick kiss. "Hell no. I would never let anything hurt you. Do you get that? I will always do everything in my power to keep you safe." He presses his forehead to mine. “Look at me, Phoenix.” I bring my eyes to meet his and his lips tighten. “I care about you too much to ever let you get hurt. I always have. You were like family to me and that is why this is so damn wrong. Me wanting you this way is wrong in so many ways, but I can’t control myself around you.” He rubs my face before wrapping both of his arms around me and pressing his face into the crook of my neck. “I love the way you feel in my arms,” he whispers. “It’s as if you were made for me to hold you. Sometimes I convince myself that it’s okay for me to want you. To need you like I do.”

“It is,” I breathe. “I want you just as bad or maybe even more. You have no idea how I feel about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s always been you. I’ve loved you since I was fourteen.” I kiss the top of his head as he rubs his lips along my neck. “That hasn’t changed.”

His body tenses up and he sets me on the ground. He turns away from me, gripping his hair in his hands. “Dammit, Phoenix! Don’t say that to me. Don’t make this harder than it already is. There is so much you don’t know.” He leans his back against the bar and buries his face in his hands. “You’re the only woman that has ever made me feel this way.”

His words make my heart feel as if it just burst in my chest. My legs feel weak and wobbly, but I walk over to him anyway, pull his hands away and stare into his eyes, pleading with him to open up to me and just take this moment for what it is. “Nothing in this world could make me stop caring about you. I know that now. You taking off for eight years didn’t change that so nothing can. Just please, can we take this moment for what it is?” I grab the bottom of his shirt and slowly start peeling it up his body.

His eyes soften and he lifts his arms, allowing me to undress him. We both stand here shirtless, just staring into each other’s eyes, until he breaks the stare and kisses my forehead. “I’ve missed you over the years. I thought about you every day. I worried about you and Kade. I never meant to hurt anyone. I only did what I thought was best for everyone. I promise you that. If I could take back what I did, I would.”

An unwanted tear escapes his eye and I quickly reach out, wiping it away with my bottom lip, smearing it up his face. “Make love to me, Kellan. I don’t care if it’s just for tonight. I want to experience this moment and I swear I can die a happy woman. Just one passionate night with you. It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

He stands there, battling a silent war within himself, before gently wrapping his arms around me and lifting my legs to wrap around his waist. I close my eyes as his lips softly take mine and he walks us through the house and into what I assume is his bedroom.

Wrapping one of his arms under my neck, he gently lays be backwards until my body makes contact with a bed. His bed. The thought sends excitement through my body and I can hardly keep from losing it. There has been so many times I have imagined being in his bed and now here I am, him about to make love to me. I love it when he’s rough, but somehow I need more with him. I want to feel that connection of our bodies and souls as one.

Placing his knees on either sides of my waist, he sits above me and tangles his fingers through my hair. My hands reach up and slowly caress his chest, down his stomach, taking in every curve of every muscle, branding it into my brain. This is a moment I never want to forget.

His muscles flex above me as he runs his hands along my sides, grabs my skirt and slowly peels it off me, him making his way down the bed along with it. He runs his hands up the inside of my thigh, spreading my legs. I lay here, completely naked with his eyes taking in every inch of my flesh, the passion clear in his eyes.

“I’ve never done this before. I’m not sure I can be gentle, but for you, I’ll try.” He leans in and kisses my thigh. “Let me know if I get too rough and I’ll try to slow down.”

I nod my head, lean up and reach for his pants, pulling him back onto the bed. He sits on his knees and watches me as I pull his belt aside, unbutton his jeans and pull them down under his butt. “I need to see all of you, Kellan. I want every inch of your body touching mine.”

He grabs behind my knees, pulling me to the edge of the bed as he stands up. Grabbing the back of my hands, he places them over his jeans, so that my thumbs hook into the waistband of his briefs. “Tonight, my body is yours to do whatever you want with. I will walk around this house naked all night if that keeps you happy. Then, I’ll go to bed naked, holding you and wake up naked to cook you breakfast. You have a way of making me want to do things I’ve never wanted to before.”

Oh my, I love this man. I love him so much it hurts. Being with him tonight is only going to hurt me, but I don’t care. I want him more than anything in this world. “You’re so beautiful, Kellan. Everything about you is perfect to me. Always has been.”

Our eyes meet as I peel his boxers down his legs, his hardness breaking free from the confinement of his wet boxers. I kiss the head and run the tip of my tongue in a swirling motion, making him lean his head back and moan. “You don’t have to do that,” he whispers. “I don’t want you to feel dirty.”

I run my hands up the ripped muscles that lead down to his prized possession and grab hold of his shaft as I continue licking, making a bead of cum ooze at the opening. I lick if off and it tastes like salt and chlorine, but somehow he makes it taste so damn good. "Nothing about you can ever make me feel dirty. Everything about you makes me feel sexy."

He swallows hard and places my hands on his jeans, silently telling me to pull them all the way off. I grip them in my trembling hands and pull them down, stopping at the top of his boots. I get ready to reach for his boots, but he gently guides me back to the bed and lays my head on a pillow. "You don't have to take my boots off. That's my job. Now your boots." He pauses and smiles. "That's also my job."