This Regret

I start following him wondering what he’s doing, until I hear it.

Holy shit!

My heart jumps into my throat and my legs shake as Kellan drops down on one knee and starts singing the one song I always said I’d want a man to sing to me before proposing. Having Kellan singing it for me, is the best thing that could ever happen.

Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus…

His eyes stare into mine the whole time he sings me the song. My heart melts with every note. His voice is smooth as silk and rough at all the right places.

“I can show you I’ll be the one . . .”

I feel a hand on my back, supporting me as I stare down at Kellan with blurry eyes. His love weakens me; brings me to my knees at all the right times. He is and always will be the best part of me; the one thing I will never let go of. I can’t believe he chose this song. What is he trying to do to me?

Letting go of the guitar while still singing the lyrics, he reaches into his pocket and pulls something out. He looks into my eyes and grabs my left hand. We just stare into each other’s eyes until he sings the last note and it turns into humming. I can’t even see through all the tears.

“Phoenix Anne Winters, I love you more than my own life; more than anything this world has to offer me. Just the thought of losing you rips my heart right out of my chest. You will forever be the part of me that keeps me breathing. The reason for my whole existence is to make you happy. Without you, I am nothing but an empty man.” He scoots closer on his knees and pulls me down so we’re both on our knees, face to face.

Oh my god! He isn’t! Is he?

“Marry me, Phoenix. Marry me and I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. Making you happy is what makes me happy. I want you all day and every day. I want you as my wife. No other woman will ever be able to take your place. You are it for me.”

Holding my hand up, he slips a beautiful diamond ring onto the tip of my finger, before sliding it all the way on. It’s a large round, yellow diamond that sits perfectly in the center of my finger below the knuckle. The yellow stone is wrapped and nestled in a band of white diamonds that twists outward from each side, enclosing my finger. The setting raises up and around the center diamond, slightly lifting it. It is stunning and by the clarity, expensive. I love that he knows me so well he went with a yellow diamond instead of white. I've always been different than the average person in taste. I look into his eyes and see his are full of tears as well. “Be my wife,” he asks.

Nodding my head, I smile and scream, “Yes!” He pulls us both to our feet and pulls the guitar strap off from around his neck, passing it over to Tyler. I try to look down at the ring as he kisses my hand, but my eyes are so blurry, I can’t see a thing.

I feel Kellan’s lips press against mine before he pulls away and yells, “Fuck yeah! This woman is going to be my wife!” He pulls me back in for a kiss and then we’re broken apart by all of our friends congratulating us and checking out the beauty of Kellan’s promise on my finger.

The feeling is so overwhelming I can’t stop the steady tear flow. The feeling is surreal. Phoenix Haze. I guess some dreams do come true, as cheesy as it sounds.

Tyler slaps Kellan on the back before they give each other a man hug and the girls are all tugging me in different directions.

Through all the hugging and excitement, I notice Kade and Luna off to the side having a little discussion. It looks as if he’s trying to kiss her ear, but she pushes him away and gives him a dirty look. They don’t seem too thrilled with the news. Not that I expect Kade to be.

I’m not sure what’s going on with them two, but ever since I caught them kissing at work and Luna stormed off mad, they’ve been fighting since. Kade is definitely a hard one to tame. I have a feeling Luna is as well.

Zoning back into the celebration, I pull away from the girls and walk over to stand behind my future husband. I wrap my arms around his waist and he turns around, wrapping his arms around me. His touch still gets me weak in the knees. “I love you. Tonight was beautiful. It’s everything I could have ever asked for. Thank you, Kellan.”

He pulls me away from our friends and over to the ledge, looking over to Norman’s house. Sometimes, I still find Kellan watching the house as if he expects the old man to come back. He was pretty torn up when I told him the story. It still eats at me too; although, I’m happy he finally found peace.

Looking me in the eyes, he grabs my hips and pulls me against his front side, brushing his lips against mine. “Are you sure you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with me? You do realize I’m far from perfect, right? I’m nobody’s hero.”

Staring at my future, I tell him the honest truth. The one thing I’ve believed since I as fourteen. “You don’t need to be anyone else's hero.” I step up on the tip of my toes and press my lips to his, tugging on his lip ring. “Just mine. Always.”

“I’m anything you want me to be . . .”

With my friend’s at my side and the love of my life staring me in the face, I realize there is nothing more important to me in this world than being a part of it.

Something I let myself miss out on in the past, after I lost Adric. I still miss him every day, but Kellan and I sit around more often telling stories of the past. It has helped me to cope a lot more than I could have ever imagined. We even go to the woods sometimes, along with Zoe to show her one of Adric’s favorite places. It’s now one of hers as well.

Plus, it feels good letting Zoe in on her brother’s life so she can see just how beautiful he was. It’s a feeling I can’t explain.

My future is now at Kellan’s house, making a home with him. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s perfect to me.

My mom has taken over the apartment, slowed down on her drinking and has taken a job as an accountant at one of the local firms. Zoe is staying with me at Kellan’s place, until my mom can get a bigger place. It works out great for us. Zoe and Kellan work together twice a week with her reading and writing skills and I haven’t seen her closer with anyone else besides myself. They have a bond that even I can’t break up.

Even though Kade is still a little distant with Kellan and still throwing his flirting at me, things are finally falling back into place. Kade even admitted to taking money from the drawer, saying he had no other option at the time and paid every last cent back. After his confession of that, and of dealing to my brother, I couldn’t look at him for weeks. It broke my damn heart to hear the truth. The truth hurts. I’ve had to fight hard to be strong and move on. He deserves a second chance though. He didn’t know the damage it would cause at the time and that’s something I need to understand. It will take a lot, but we will get back to good someday. I just hope that they can.