Begin Again (Beautiful 2)

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Huntley asked, stifling a yawn.

“Of course,” I replied. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” Huntley replied. “You drive home safe and let me know when you get home, okay?”

“It’s like ten minutes.”

“I don’t care. I won’t sleep until I get that message from you saying you’re home safe.” Huntley yawned again and I knew she’d fall asleep before I even pulled into my driveway. But I agreed just to appease her and hugged her goodbye before climbing into my car and driving home. After locking up and activating my alarm, I grabbed my kindle e-reader and got Coco settled on my bed. I started reading a new romance novel but it wasn’t long before my eyes dropped closed and the flash of Brody’s face haunted my dreams.

The plane touched down at O’Hare International airport in Chicago and I woke with a start. I was groggy from the flight even though it was only two hours long at the most. My mood had worsened considerably but I chalked it down to why I was here in the first place and told myself to suck it up. The sooner I saw Brody and got this out of the way, the sooner I could go home and crawl back into the darkness and despair that had been my life for the past two months. It was easier that way, for me at least. I knew everyone at home, including Huntley, had become frustrated with my behavior and my need to hide away from the world. Too bad I didn’t care. They didn’t understand what I had gone through and they sure as hell had no idea what it was like to live in the perpetual darkness that had consumed me. I was only a fraction of the person I once was and no one could pretend they knew what that was like.

I grabbed the small bag that I’d brought with me for my two and a half day visit from the luggage carousel and made my way out to where the cabs were parked. It was late and the sun had just started setting but it felt like I’d been awake for days on end. Everything hurt. My head, my arms, my legs, my belly. But nothing compared to the hurt I felt gnawing away at my chest. But I was here for a reason, a purpose, and I had to see that through before I allowed myself to be overcome by my grief. I hailed a cab and after sliding in, I gave Brody’s address to the cab driver. As we weaved through the streets, the tall glass buildings whizzing past, it hit me that all of this was what he’d left me for. While I took full responsibility for allowing him to leave and chase his dreams, it felt like a slap in the face to know this was what he’d been chasing. My stomach twisted and I rubbed at the dull ache. I had to do this. I needed closure and Brody deserved to know the truth. Minutes later, the cab stopped outside an apartment building and I asked the driver to wait for ten minutes before he drove away. I wasn’t sure how this was going to go and if necessary, I needed an escape plan. Not that Brody would hurt me. I was more worried about the pain I was about to inflict on myself. The cool evening air nipped at my skin and I hugged my sweater closer for warmth. I was always cold lately but it seemed worse with the cooler temperatures in the city. I took the crumpled up piece of paper out of my pocket that Grayson had given me and checked which apartment number belonged to Brody. If I was right, I would’ve been able to see which apartment was his from the street and taking a chance, I counted four floors up and six apartment windows to the right. I lost my breath when I saw him standing there, leaning against a window. Wearing nothing but what looked like his pajama bottoms, he still looked as impossibly beautiful as I’d remembered. He was the villain in my nightmares night after night and still I missed him fiercely. I stared at him for a short while, until a tall blonde came up from behind him and wrapped her arms around him. He hadn’t pushed her away, but he hadn’t returned her intimate embrace either. It became obvious to me then, standing outside on the sidewalk. He’d moved on. After only two months. Two months that had been nothing short of Hell on Earth for me. Just like that, life landed its’ final blow, and what was left of my broken heart shattered. Tears burned my eyes and I welcomed the sting. I’d convinced myself that somewhere along the way I’d done something to deserve this, that this was the price I had to pay for how my relationship started with Brody. This was Karma’s way of righting my wrongs, of restoring balance after I cheated on my ex-boyfriend, Tommy, with Brody. Clearly having Tommy beat the crap out of me when he found about me and Brody wasn’t enough. Brody and the blonde disappeared from the window and I had the sudden urge to throw up. The acid in my stomach climbed up my throat and I spun around and grabbed ahold of the nearest garbage bin just in time before the fowl tasting liquid spewed from my mouth. I heaved until there was nothing left but my hollow sobs and when I had no fight left in me, I climbed back into the cab. I’d known it was a bad idea to come here. I felt it the minute I’d got on the plane back home. But against my better judgment I’d ignored the alarm bells in my head and came anyway. And I wasn’t any better off for it. The cab driver looked at me as if I was mad but I ignored it. I need to get the hell out of here and fast. I only had one option. Jeff Carter.

“HELLO?” JEFF’S VOICE came through the phone and I’d never been so relieved to hear it. Jeff Carter was Grayson’s older brother by two years, but he was also one of my childhood friends. He’d known I was coming but a small part of me had hoped I wouldn’t need to call him.

“Jeff? It’s Demi.” I swallowed audibly and tried to control my emotions long enough to stop the waterworks.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his tone thick with concern, “why does it sound like you’re crying?”

I ignored his rapid-fire questions and skipped to why I’d called him in my time of need. “Are you at home?”

“Yes. What happened, Demi?”

I sighed, struggling to put a coherent sentence together between my hiccups and my constant blubbering. My voice was hoarse and my throat raw.  “Can I come see you? P-please? I don’t want to be alone right n-now.” It sounded like a desperate plea and I didn’t care. I needed someone. Anyone.

“Of course,” he replied. “Where are you?”

“I’m leaving Brody’s apartment now. What’s your address?”

Jeff gave me his address and I recited it to the cab driver.

“I’ll be waiting for you outside,” Jeff said.

“Thank you.”

It didn’t take us long to stop outside Jeff’s apartment building and true to his word, he was waiting for me outside. I paid the cab driver and as soon as I was free of the cab, I launched myself into Jeff’s body. I cried into his chest and instead of complaining, Jeff simply rubbed up and down my back and hushed me until I was calmer. He picked my bag up from where I’d dropped it and tucked me into his side before taking me upstairs.

“I’m s-sorry,” I stuttered, wiping my face. “I didn’t m-mean to just s-show up like t-this.”

Jeff sat me down on his sofa and looked at me with concern in his eyes. “I knew you were in the city this weekend,” he replied softly. “Grayson called. Said you’d probably call me if something went wrong with Brody.”

“Oh God,” I groaned between sniffles. “You must think I’m a pathetic woman. I didn’t have anyone else - ”

“I’m glad you came to me,” Jeff said, cutting me off, “And no, I don’t think you’re pathetic at all. Can I get you anything before we talk about what happened at Brody’s?”