Lover Eternal (Black Dagger Brotherhood 2)

She got undressed and slid in next to him. The moment she was between the sheets, he curled himself around her, his big body a living blanket.

Lying next to him, all safe and secure, made her think of Bella.

Mary's chest constricted and her eyes squeezed shut. If she believed in God at all, she would have prayed right now. Instead she just hoped as hard as she could.

Sleep came eventually. Until hours later, when Rhage let out a mighty yell.

"Mary! Mary, run! "

He began flailing around with his arms. With a lunge, she dove between them, putting herself against his chest, holding him down, talking to him. When his hands still scrambled, she captured them and put his palms to her face.

"I'm okay. I'm right here."

"Oh, thank God... Mary." He stroked her cheeks. "I can't see very well."

In the candlelight, she looked down into his unfocused eyes.

"How long does the recovery take?" she asked.

"Day or two." He frowned and then stretched his legs. "Actually, I'm not as stiff as I usually am. Stomach's a mess, but the aches aren't bad at all. After I change - "

He stopped, jaw going rigid. Then he loosened his hold on her as if he didn't want her to feel trapped.

"Don't worry," she murmured. "I'm not afraid of you even though I know what's in you."

"Hell, Mary... I didn't want you to ever see it." He shook his head. "It's just so awful. The whole thing is awful."

"I'm not so sure about that. I went right up to it, actually. The beast. I was as close as you and I are now."

Rhage's eyes shut "Shit, Mary, you shouldn't have done that."

"Yeah, well, either I did or the creature would have eaten V and Zsadist. Literally. But don't worry, your beast and I get along just fine."

"Don't do that again."

"The hell I won't. You can't control it The brothers can't handle it. But that thing listens to me. Like it or not, the two of you need me."

"But isn't it... ugly?"

"No. Not to me." She pressed a kiss to his chest. "It's fearsome and terrifying and powerful and awe-inspiring. And if anyone ever tried to get at me, that thing would wipe out a neighborhood. How could a girl not be charmed? Besides, after seeing those lessers in action, I'm grateful for it. I feel safe. Between you and the dragon, I don't have to worry."

When she looked up at him with a smile, Rhage was blinking rapidly.

"Oh, Rhage... it's okay. Don't be - "

"I thought if you knew what it looked like," he said hoarsely, "you wouldn't be able to see me anymore. All you'd remember is some horrible monster."

She kissed him and wiped a tear off his face. "It's a part of you, not all of you or all of what you are. And I love you. With it or without it."

He gathered her close and tucked her head into his neck. When he let out a deep sigh, she said, "Were you born with it?"

"No. It's a punishment."

"For what?"

"I killed a bird."

Mary glanced at him, thinking that seemed a little extreme.

Rhage smoothed her hair back. "I did a lot more than that, but killing a bird was what finally tipped the scales."

"Will you tell me?"

He paused for a long while. "When I was young, right after my transition, I was... uncontrollable. I had all this energy and strength and I was stupid with how I used it. Not mean, just... dumb. Showing off. Picking fights. And I, ah, I slept with a lot of females, females who I shouldn't have taken because they were the shellans of other males. I never did it to piss off their hellrens, but I took what they offered. I took... everything I was offered. I drank, I smoked opium, fell into laudanum... I'm glad you didn't know me then.

"That went on for twenty, thirty years. I was a disaster waiting for a coastline, and sure enough I met a female. I wanted her, but she was coy, and the more she teased me, the more I was determined to have her. It wasn't until I was inducted into the Brotherhood that she came around. Weapons turned her on. Warriors turned her on. She only wanted to be with brothers. One night I took her out into the forest and showed her my daggers and my guns. She was playing with my rifle. God, I can remember the look of it in her hands, it was one of those flintlock ones they were making in the early eighteen hundreds."

1800s? Good God, how old was he? Mary wondered.

"Anyway, it went off in her hand and I heard something hit the ground. It was a barn owl. One of those lovely white barn owls. I can still see the red stain as its blood seeped onto its feathers. When I picked up the bird and felt its light weight in my hands, I realized that carelessness was a form of cruelty. See, I'd always told myself that because I meant no harm, anything that happened wasn't my fault. At that moment, though, I knew I was wrong. If I hadn't given the female my gun, the bird wouldn't have been shot. I was responsible even though I didn't pull the trigger."

He cleared his throat. "The owl was such an innocent thing. So fragile and small compared to me as it bled and died. I felt... wretched, and I was thinking about where to bury it, when the Scribe Virgin came to me. She was livid. Livid. She loves birds to begin with, and the barn owl is her sacred symbol, but of course the death was only part of it. She took the body from my palms and breathed life back into the bird, sending it off into the night sky. The relief when that bird flew away was tremendous. I felt as if the slate had been wiped clean. I was free, cleansed. But then the Scribe Virgin turned on me. She cursed me, and since then, anytime I get out of control, the beast comes out. In a way, it's really the perfect punishment. It's taught me to regulate my energy, my moods. It's taught me to respect the consequences of all my actions. Helped me understand the power in my body in a way I never would have otherwise."

He laughed a little. "The Scribe Virgin hates me, but she did me one hell of a favor. Anyway... that's the awful why of it. I killed a bird and got the beast. Simple and complicated by turns, right?"

Rhage's chest expanded as he took in a great breath. She could feel his remorse as clearly as if it were her own.

"By turns. Indeed," she murmured, stroking his shoulder.

"The good news is that in another ninety-one years or so, it's over." He frowned, as if considering the prospect, "The beast will be gone."

Funny, he looked a little worried.

"You'll miss it, won't you?" she said.

"No. No, I... It'll be a relief. Really."

Except that frown stayed in place.

Chapter Forty-eight

Around nine the next morning, Rhage stretched in bed and was surprised to feel like himself. He'd never recovered so fast before and had a feeling it was because he hadn't fought the change. Maybe that was the trick. Just go with it.

Mary came out of the bathroom with a load of towels in her arms and headed into the closet to drop them down the chute. She looked tired, grim. Which made sense. They'd spent a lot of the morning talking about Bella, and though he'd done his best to reassure her, they both knew the situation was bad.

And then there was another reason for her to be worried.

"I want to come to the doctor's with you today," he said.

She came back out into the room. "You're awake."

"Yeah. And I want to come with you."

As she walked over to him, she had that tight look she got whenever she was going to argue.

He jumped the gun on the most obvious objection. "Switch the appointment to late in the day. Sun goes down by five thirty now."

"Rhage - "

Anxiety made his voice hard. "Do it."

She put her hands on her hips. "I don't appreciate your pushing me around."

"Let me rephrase myself. Change the appointment, please." But he didn't ease up on his tone in the slightest When she got the news, whatever it was, he was going to be by her side.

She reached for the phone, all the while cursing under her breath. When she hung up, she seemed surprised. "Ah, Dr. Delia Croce will see me... us... tonight at six."

"Good. And I'm sorry about being such a hard-ass. I just have to be with you when you hear. I need to be a part of this as much as I can."

She shook her head and bent down to pick a shirt up from the floor. "You are the sweetest thug I've ever known."

As he watched her body move, he felt himself harden.

Inside, the beast shifted as well, but there was a curious calm to the sensation. It was no big rush of energy, just a slow burn, as if the creature were content to share his body, not take it over. A communion, not a domination.