Especially here.
I did the right thing letting her go, he told himself. But the sick feeling only got worse. His knees felt weak, as if he’d just run twenty miles without stopping, or gone twenty rounds with a heavyweight champ; he sank into the sleek red-upholstered chair by the edge of the window. He put his head in his hands.
It was the silence that was killing him.
The absolute silence of his beautifully decorated apartment. No baby laughter. No lullabies from Anna. No voices at all. Just dead silence.
He could call one of his trusted employees, like Cooper. He could call acquaintances from the club. He could call any of a dozen women he’d dated. They would be here in less than ten minutes to fill his home with noise.
But he didn’t want them.
He wanted his family.
He wanted her. His secretary. His lover. His friend.
“I had to give her up,” he repeated to himself, raking his hand through his hair. I didn’t love her.
“Are you sure about that, sir?” a Scottish voice said from behind him.
Nikos jumped when he realized he’d spoken his last words aloud. Mrs. Burbridge was standing in the doorway, her hands folded in front of her. A sharp reply rose to his lips, but her plump face looked so gentle and understanding he bit back the words. Instead, he muttered, “Of course I’m sure.”
“You told me to pick up the baby early this morning, as you’d be going to a wedding, but I’ve arrived to find an open door, no wee babe, and no bride. Am I to understand the wedding’s off?”
“They’re both gone,” he said wearily. He went to his desk, sat down and opened his checkbook. “Your job here is done, Mrs. Burbridge. I’m sorry to bring you so far for just a few weeks. I’ll compensate you—”
She reached over and shut the checkbook with a bang. “Where are they, sir? Anna and your child?”
“I let them go,” he said, resting his head in his hands. “My son deserved a mother.”
“But the bairn was happy enough. So was his mother, I thought. Why send them away?”
“Because Anna deserves better,” he exploded. “She deserves a man who can love her. She’s been through enough. From her family. From me. I just want her to be happy.”
“And you? You don’t look terribly happy.”
He gave a bitter laugh. “I’ll get by. But Anna...” He rubbed the back of his head wearily. “I couldn’t let her down. She loved me. Marrying me would have ruined her life.”
“Her happiness means more to you than your own?”
“She’s the mother of my son. The best damn partner I ever had at work. My friend. My lover. Of course I want her to be happy. It’s all I want.”
The Scotswoman raised her head and looked at him. Her eyes were kind, but sad. “Sir, what do you think love is?”
For a second he just stared at her. Then his heart started to pound in his chest.
“Oh, my God,” he whispered.
Was it possible that she was right? That he loved Anna?
He didn’t just want her in his bed, that was true. He didn’t just enjoy her company, appreciate her skills as a mother or respect her perfect secretarial work.
He wanted her face to be the first he woke up to and the last he saw before he slept.
He wanted to see her face light up when she had a business idea, or when she was splashing around in the pool with their son.
He wanted her to be happy. To work as his secretary if that was what it took to make her glow from the inside out. Her happiness was everything.
That was love?
Oh, my God. He loved her. He didn’t deserve her, but what if he could spend the rest of his life striving to make her happy?
Because without Anna he now realized that his life was empty. His fortune, his business empire—meant nothing. Without her this penthouse was no better than his childhood tenement, and his life was just as lonely and hungry.
Money didn’t matter.
Love mattered.
Family mattered.
Oh, my God. Anna.
“Bless you,” he said to Mrs. Burbridge. He raced down the hall to the door. He had to find Anna—now, at once.
He stopped short when he saw Cooper standing outside his door. The burly bodyguard’s face was white and drawn.
“Boss—”
But at that moment Nikos saw the bundle in Cooper’s arms. His baby son, wrapped in a blanket. Michael’s little face was red and miserable as he cried.
“We found him at the front entrance to the casino,” Cooper said. “Alone.”
Nikos’s heart stopped in his throat as he took his son in his arms. “Alone?”
The burly man nodded grimly. “A valet said a van stopped beneath the marquee, left the baby on the ground, and drove away.”
Nikos held his son close, crooning to him softly, rocking him back and forth against his chest, just like Anna had taught him. The baby’s tears subsided. Michael was comforted, but Nikos was not. “Anna wouldn’t let herself be separated from Misha.”
Looking miserable, Cooper handed him a letter. Nikos scanned it quickly.
Nikos
I’ve realized that sharing custody will never work. I’m in love with Victor Sinistyn and leaving with him for South America. You once said I was no kind of mother, and I guess you were right. Trying to keep our baby safe and warm would be too much effort where we’re going. Please don’t bother trying to find me. Raise our son well.
Anna
“Boss?” Cooper repeated unhappily. His voice echoed in the private outside hallway against the steel of the elevator doors. “What do you want me to do?”
Nikos’s heart was pounding. She’d left him. The moment he’d realized he loved her with all his heart, she’d left him. His worst fear had come true.
But something nagged at him, overriding the pain, and he read the letter again. A mere hour after she’d left Nikos she’d decided to leave both him and Misha behind for a life with Victor Sinistyn?
Maybe it was her handwriting, but he didn’t believe a word of it.
“She’s in trouble,” Nikos said slowly. “Someone forced her to write this letter.”
“You think she’s been kidnapped?”
“Sinistyn,” he breathed. The man had made it clear he wanted Anna, and when Nikos had shoved her out of L’Hermitage without bodyguards he’d handed her to him on a silver plate. He cursed himself under his breath. “Get the plane ready.”
“It’s ready now—for your trip to Asia.”
“Screw Singapore. Let Haverstock take the bid,” he said, throwing away the billion-dollar deal to his chief rival without a thought.
“Where are we going to look for her? South America?”
Nikos shook his head. “Sinistyn put that in to throw us off the track. No. He’s going someplace else. Somewhere private. Somewhere my power does not easily reach.” He glanced down at the letter, forcing himself to read it again slowly.
You once said I was no kind of mother...
Trying to keep our baby safe and warm would be too much effort where we’re going...
He sucked in his breath. She was trying to tell him where they were going. Folding the letter, he shoved it at Cooper. “They’re going to Russia.”
“Let me guess, boss,” Cooper said sourly. “You want to handle this alone.”
Nikos gently handed the baby to Mrs. Burbridge. Kissing his son goodbye, he turned to face Cooper with rage surging through his veins. “Hell, no. I want every man we’ve got on the plane within the hour. And get Yuri Andropov on the phone. It’s time to call in a favor.”
CHAPTER NINE
ANNA SHIFTED SLIGHTLY in her chair, trying to shift the cords that bound her wrists without attracting the attention of Victor or his goons. Her hands felt hot and sweaty with the effort, but the rest of her felt like ice as she worked the broken tines of her great-grandmother’s ring against the rope.
On the car ride from St. Petersburg she’d briefly felt the spring sun on her face, but the backroom of the Rostov Palace felt cold as ever. Especially as she’d listened to Victor’s men ransack the princess’s china in the kitchen. Biting her lip, she watched as Victor and one of his men set up an old black-and-white television near the fire.
“It’s not working. We’ll miss the game,” the bodyguard complained in Russian, trying to position the antenna.
“It’ll be fine,” Victor snapped in the same language. He took the antenna then, realizing that there was no electricity, dropped it in disgust. “Go help with dinner.”
“Why can’t she make us dinner?” the man grumbled, nodding at Anna. “Make the woman useful for once.”