Noah

I wasn’t ready to let go.

Returning to the kitchen, I leaned against a counter and stared at the floor. The third board creaked, which was good to know when you had the midnight munchies and wanted to get leftovers without waking up the 'rents upstairs.

Tennyson, Sophie, Daniel, and Zane were with me, and the "How are you doing?" question hung in the air, though no one ever asked me. For obvious reasons.

Everything was shit, and they knew it.

"We should head over to the church," Daniel said quietly. "We'll call when we've gotten rid of the reporters."

"Good luck with that," I muttered.

It bugged me to no end. Only because I was semifamous and linked to A-listers Sophie Pierce and Tennyson Wright, I'd found myself in the spotlight for this circus.

Sophie and I had both lashed out at the paps for following us, and it probably hadn't helped the matter.

Enter Daniel. He was Sophie's manager and knew how to work these situations, along with her publicist. But getting rid of reporters completely? Un-fucking-likely. They were vultures.

"Thanks, guys." I didn't look up from the floor, but I wouldn’t be a complete dick. Without my friends, I wouldn't have gotten anything done. Sophie and Tennyson had been there every step of the way, taking charge and helping me plan the memorial, and Daniel and his man had joined us here in Pittsburgh this week.

"Don't mention it." Zane clapped me on the shoulder as they passed. "See you in a couple hours, okay?"

I inclined my head, having nothing else to say. They had it all covered, what to run past the priest again, check on the photos Sophie had helped me pick out, arranging of flowers and whatever.

"Let's have a drink." Tennyson pushed out the chair across from him at the table and refilled our glasses with bourbon. "Have a seat, my friend."

"You boys drink." Sophie stood up. "I'm gonna call Brooklyn and Asher and check in on the kids."

Tennyson snatched up her hand so she couldn’t leave. "Give them my love." He kissed her knuckles before letting go, and she smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Of course."

I envied them.

They deserved everything they had, and I was nowhere ready for something that heady, but I craved human contact. Being bear-hugged by li'l Sophie was nice and always welcome, yet it lacked the comfort I wanted.

Maybe because the people I wanted to hug were dead.

There wasn't even anything to bury.

I took a seat at the table and nodded in thanks as I got my drink. I had no desire to discuss my life, so that left me with two options where Tennyson was concerned. Film and family.

"You ready for Kayden to start first grade?" I asked.

He loosened his tie and took a sip. "Ready might be a stretch, but I'm not freaking out about it."

Like Sophie was, in other words. She wanted their kids to remain her babies.

"When're you heading up to Mendocino?" As far as I knew, that was where Kayden would go to school. Then Ivy, but she had a few years to go. She was only four.

Tennyson smiled ruefully. "We don't have to talk, you know."

The man knew me well.

We clinked our glasses together and then stayed quiet as we drank.

*

My sister and mother had always loved twilight. Sun setting, rush hour ending, families reconnecting after a day of work or school, and the sky painted in stunning colors.

It was the main reason I'd picked a late service, and it seemed like the weather was working for us. I stood outside the church with my closest friends and greeted everyone who showed up, and the sky above us looked like fruit punch.

Every "I'm sorry for your loss" made me wanna vomit, but I pushed that shit down. This wasn’t for me. The memorial service was for the others. The friends, the old coworkers, the distant family, and the community my folks had been part of.

James's parents were here, too. His mother could barely keep it together.

Some kids had shown up with their folks, coming all the way from Germany. Classmates and soccer friends of JJ and Linda.

That made the grief tighten its grip on my heart.

The church was filling up, and when there was a break in between arrivals, I checked my watch and wondered where the fuck Julian was. His whole family had died, too. It'd be nice if he could be here on time.

His biological mother had never been one to stick around. She'd come and gone over the years, so it hadn't taken long before Julian had begun relying on my sister. She was Mom to him. No one else.

"He'll be here." Daniel nodded firmly. "His flight was on time, and I sent someone to pick him up."

I grunted and pulled out a flask from my inner pocket.

That earned me a look from my buddy, but he was wise not to say anything.