You can say that.
"Background story," I said. "Julian and I sleep together. Sleep-sleep. We've ended up sharing a bed lately 'cause it's easier not being alone, and we're there for each other when we have nightmares."
Tennyson nodded slowly, not appearing to see any issue. "A bit unusual, perhaps, but if it works for you, then great."
"Right, except tonight I dreamed about fucking him."
I almost dry-heaved right then and there.
My chest constricted and my stomach rolled as the images flashed by me once more. They were glimpses I hoped my brain could block out soon. Until there was nothing left.
Tennyson looked at me with concern. "That doesn't have to mean anything, Noah."
"He's my nephew," I spat out. "It's fucking disgusting."
I pressed my palms against my eyes and flinched. Fuck, I could see us. In the dream, our family had been alive, too. At a reunion, Julian and I had snuck into my old room, and the next thing I remembered, I was fucking him up the ass.
"I'm not sure it matters what I say here," Tennyson told me. "It's not like you've forgotten the fact that you're not actually related."
"Semantics," I said dismissively.
"Is it, though?" He tilted his head. "I have a feeling you'd view Julian as a family member more if you'd been closer before the accident. Family has little to do with blood, my friend. Say JJ had been adopted, or even your sister. You would've seen them as family regardless, because you had that relationship. You never did with Julian, as far as I'm concerned."
I got what he was saying, but it didn't help.
"Do you see him as your nephew?" he asked.
I stared at him, frowning. "He is my nephew."
"Not what I asked." He cocked a brow.
I sighed heavily and looked down. Did it really matter how I saw Julian? Major boundaries had been crossed. The woman he'd called Mom was my sister. Forget the fact that I wasn't even gay; it was still wrong on so many levels. And that feeling was real. It felt fucked up. Even more so because I'd enjoyed it in the dream.
Heave.
I'd unleashed a monster within me I hoped wasn't real, and he'd begged for more.
"Jesus." I bent over and tried to breathe. "He's just a kid."
At that, Tennyson snorted. "He's twenty-three. And need I remind you that my wife is seventeen years younger than me? She was twenty-one when we met. Surely you remember. You were there, for heaven's sake."
Yeah, but it had been fun when it wasn’t me. And no family ties had been involved.
"You call him kid like I used to call you kid," he went on. He wasn't bothered at all, which was fucked. "You were well into your thirties when that nickname kind of died out. It doesn’t mean anything."
It meant something to me.
I cared about Julian more than I could say. That was clear. But maybe our attachment to one another had grown unhealthy. We couldn’t rely on each other all the time, so sleeping alone might be a better idea.Chapter 9
Two weeks later
"I'm on my way home now," I said. Well, I was supposed to be on my way home. In reality, I was stuck in traffic and going absolutely nowhere. As one tended to do in LA. "Is Zane flying out with you? Been a while since we all got together."
Daniel hummed on the other end, always working these days. When I met him, he'd been Sophie's PA. Now, he ran his own management business and had employees in both New York and LA. Not too shabby for a guy under forty.
"No, he's wrapping up his last shoot," he replied. "He's looking forward to ex-model life." I could hear him typing quickly on his computer in the background. "After this year, I'm gonna slow down a bit, too. Did Sophie tell you we're adopting?"
I grinned tiredly and scrubbed a hand over my face. "She did. We've kinda been waiting for it."
He chuckled. "Yeah, Asher mentioned a damn bet." It was our thing. "Anyway, the reason I called you. Tennyson wants recommendations for a PA agency for Catching Stars. If you're happy with Nicky, I'll go with the one he's at. Less paperwork, and you just have to sign him over to another payroll."
"I honestly don't need a PA yet—or anymore, I guess." I yawned and went for my coffee. Fuck, lukewarm. "Is he on a contract?"
Technically, we were in pre-production at this point, but it was mostly Tennyson making calls. We had a location scout working too, and I was doing rewrites and storyboarding. Either way, no assistant needed.
"He's not, no, so I'll give him a call and thank him for his time." Daniel paused. "You sound tired as hell, man. Are you all right?"
No. "Sure," I answered. "Feels good to be back at work."