Noah

"Isn't this something you should watch in private?" I asked, resigned.

Like I'd said, I was screwed. I would fuck shit up sooner or later.

"Most likely," Julian replied. "You can always tell me to shut it off."

Nice try, kid.

He was not throwing a goddamn challenge in my face, thinking he'd get away with it. Whatever reaction he wanted, I wouldn’t give. We both knew when push came to shove, my balls were bigger. I didn't need weed or alcohol to speak my mind.

No, you only need it to numb out your entire life.

"I don't give a fuck." I tossed the notion of sobriety out the window and poured another drink. "You can watch whatever you want."

And he did. He'd hooked up his laptop to the flat screen, and he tended to pick videos with a lot of blow jobs. I hoped it wasn't for educational purposes, 'cause in porn, "good" head was all choking and facials.

In the meantime, I nursed a drink and reminisced about the times when I was fun. Noah Collins, always there for a good time. No complications, no internal wars, no attachments.

I missed those days.

Now, I had an ex who had stomped all over my heart—though, perhaps I wasn't as torn up about it as one would think—and I had a pseudonephew who I fucked on occasion in my dreams.

Wonderful.

"Give me some of that." I jerked my chin at his joint.

He scooted closer to hand it over, and I was soon back in the blissful land of No Fucks To Give.

It was nice.

It allowed me to enjoy shit.

"Do you like this?" I asked, gesturing to the video. Two guys were completely wrapped up in each other, all hands and mouths. It wasn't hard-core at all, but it hit me more. All hands. All that touching and grabbing.

"Yeah," Julian rasped.

I watched him from the corner of my eye as he sat back. His hands covered his groin, and he was close enough to me now that I could smell his aftershave. And weed. We reeked of weed, and it was seductive.

Fuck.

After finishing the joint and my drink, I had a perfect buzz going on. I was relaxed, there were no worries, and I even got going on the gay porn. Without troubles clouding my vision, I could feel the charge in the room.

"You wanna fuck Nicky?" I lolled my head against the back of the couch and looked at him. "I reckon he's a sure thing."

Julian shrugged and rested his head on my shoulder. "I don't know. It's been a while, and I would feel like I'm using him."

That made me chuckle. "Eh. As long you're both on the same terms."

He hummed. "I think he's mad at you."

I swallowed dryly, admittedly turned on by the video now. "What the fuck for?" I became harder, and I brushed my thumb absently up and down the underside as my cock grew.

There was a hitch in Julian's breath. "Because…because he expected more work."

I shrugged with the shoulder he wasn't using as a pillow. "My first PA gig, I didn't even see my employer. All I did was guard his parking spot."

We forgot about talking as one of the men lubed up his cock and positioned himself to fuck the other. He kneeled behind the bottom, and the camera zoomed in. Perfect angle, perfect view. The top pushed in slowly, inch by inch.

Julian shuddered next to me, and I stopped using my brain completely. On instinct, I pressed a kiss to the top of his head, lingering. We used the same shampoo and body wash, so he smelled like me.

"Turn off the music," I murmured. "I wanna hear them."

Julian cursed and quickly reached for the remote. His fingers trembled, but he managed to lower the volume some more. Whatever rock music he'd been playing faded into the background, and the sound of skin slapping and two men groaning took over.

When Julian got settled again, he was closer than before, and he faced me head on with enough lust in his eyes to send a shiver down my spine.

"I think I know why you don't want to be close to me anymore."

Fucking hell.

I stared blankly, unable to bring forth any of the panic that rattled in the back of my head. What he said was packed with irony, though, because close? We were only a few inches away from each other now.

"That’s what I wanted to tell you." He went on. "I heard you one night… Please don’t get mad."

I clenched my jaw. "Don't read too much into that." Given how vivid those dreams were, I wasn't exactly stunned to learn I'd sleep talked. But I did wish he didn't know.

"I'm not," he was quick to say. "I know you don't want it…like that—or me, in reality…but…"

In reality? My hard-on for him seemed too fucking real to me.