Noah

"You should. Damn." He chuckled sleepily and winced a little. "I need a smoke."

"The hell you do." Sitting up, I planted my feet on the floor and held out my hand. "Take a shower with me."

That seemed to surprise him, though I had no clue why. His smile was hesitant. Almost shy.

"Yeah?" He sat up too, and slipped his hand in mine. "Okay."

I pulled him to me and walked him into my bathroom while sniffing and kissing his neck. He smelled deliciously sexy and him there.

"This is different," he said with a small laugh.

I knew it was, but I needed this. He wasn't a quick fuck, and I wasn’t running away from what I wanted anymore. I fucking couldn’t.

Turning on the water, I walked over to the toilet and took a leak. Julian stepped into the shower, and I joined him shortly after. I had questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure it was the right time.

His argument with Nicky was still fresh in my mind. Everything about the extent of their relationship and how Nicky treated Julian, to his antidepressants and why he took them.

Exclusive or not, he and Nicky were evidently close enough for Julian to tell him more than me. There was so much I didn’t know.

It'd been a long day, though. A good one. I didn't wanna ruin it.

I poured some shower gel in my hand and began soaping up Julian, all while he looked up at me with a funny expression.

I smirked lazily as I rubbed my thumbs over his nipples. The one that was pierced was clearly more sensitive. "You got a problem with me doting on ya?"

He shook his head slowly, still studying me.

Farther down, I swiped a sudsy hand over his ink. I'd never really paid attention to the details, but I did now. Everything was in black, shadowed perfectly. A piano was in focus, and along waves of sheet music, I could see family. Mom, Dad, Linda, JJ. There was a mountain and a Bavarian castle in the background. Lyrics, his birth date, a chain with a broken link.

A tattooed semicolon caught my attention, and I knew it was a symbol for depression awareness.

Yeah, 'cause me and my big mouth could shut up now…

I started innocent enough. "Tell me about the castle?"

He looked down, shrugged, and peered up again. "Favorite childhood memory. We went to Neuschwanstein castle. Mom was pregnant with Linda, and it was just a perfect family day." He closed his eyes as I moved up to rub his shoulders. "The good times before I knew I was gay."

That shit again.

I decided to save the semicolon for another day. Instead, I continued with the topic we were already on.

"James and Mia never knew, did they?"

He shook his head and opened his eyes again, then went for the shower gel. "My turn." Well, that was abrupt. He cleared his throat. "I shouldn’t have brought that up." I turned around when he gave me a nudge, and then I felt his hands on my back. "I'm—I'm ashamed of some decisions I made in the past. I don't like talking about it."

I mulled that over, trying not to get too into the spectacular massage he was giving me. "We've all done things we're ashamed of, haven't we?"

"Sure, but it affects us differently," he mumbled. "My decisions ruined the latter part of my childhood." He paused as he reached my lower back, and he was quiet while he rubbed a knot I didn't even know I had. "Mom and Dad would be disappointed if they'd known."

I knew a thing or two about that, considering who I was in the shower with.

"My birthday isn't over until we go to bed," he said. "I want more birthday sex."

I snorted a chuckle and hung my head, enjoying his hands on me. It didn’t hurt that he'd gotten to my ass. The hot water combined with his magic touch was outta this fucking world.

"How long are you gonna dodge this conversation?" I asked.

"Forever."

"I can't allow that," I murmured. "I wanna know. You're on medication, Julian. That’s serious to me, and I can't help if you won't let me in."

He hummed and sank to his knees behind me. "Speaking of letting someone in…"

Worst goddamn pun ever, but I lost my focus, anyway. Holy fuck. He stroked a finger along the crease of my ass, and his tongue followed.

"Jesus," I muttered. I placed a hand on the wall for support and groaned when he started rimming me softly. "Fuck, it's been years, baby… Don't stop."

"Oh, I won't."Chapter 15

Two weeks later

"Someone at security is asking for you, Noah," Lucia said as she passed us.

"I think it's pretty fucking clear I don't have time." I went over the scene again with Shawn, who made adjustments because I'd changed my mind about the lighting. I wanted a sunbeam, a distinct one, a real-looking one.