"It's outta my hands." I kissed him quickly to prove it. "I'm a strong motherfucker, but you've got me on my knees, kid. Figuratively speaking." For now, anyway. I wouldn’t mind dropping in a literal way soon. "So is this a yes on the date?"
"I think quoting Ivy when she says duh is fair." He smiled softly, eyes closed once more, and slid his hands up my biceps. "This means I won't have to avoid you tomorrow to get another clean break, yes?"
"No more breaks." I slipped my hands down the back pockets of his jeans and gave his ass a squeeze. "No more one-time-only." This time, I kissed him for real. I went deep 'cause I needed it. I tasted him, teased his tongue with my own, and fucking basked in the moment.
Surely, nothing could come between us now. I was done denying, and Julian would open up to me in time, as he grew to trust me and so on. Telling his grandparents wouldn't be easy, but I hoped for the best.
"I've missed this," he sighed into the kiss.
"Me too, baby." I trailed kisses down his jaw, remembering that we were in an extremely public place. "Fuck, me too."
He cursed under his breath. "You know, room service for dinner doesn’t sound bad. Then we wouldn’t have to leave the bed."
I groaned a laugh and stole one more kiss. "Don't fucking tempt me. But no. Indulge me. I want—"
"The couple shit?" he quipped.
I inclined my head and smirked. "That’s right. Besides, I thought we said no sex."
"You said that. I was being hypothetical."
Good to know. I gathered his hand in mine and pulled out my phone. "Dinner out. Then…yeah, like I could keep my mitts to myself at this point." Ridiculous. I found the number to our driver and pressed the phone to my ear. "I'll have you chained to my bed if it's up to me."
"Oh, kinky." He smiled. "Will I ever get to feel your fine butt, too? I prefer it when you top, but…you know…"
Fuck. For a beat, that had me anxious. I'd never fucking bottomed. But with patience and preparation—and maybe a shot of whiskey—of course I wanted that with Julian.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I'm getting ahead of—"
"I'm all for equality." I winked. "Just be gentle with me."
His jaw dropped. "You're…you're…"
"Yeah, an ass virgin. I can be wild in the sack, but I'm not that experienced." That was when the driver answered, so I tuned out the sex talk and focused on getting us out of here.
Holy shit, I was stoked. If being with Julian before had offered an immense relief, besides the obvious one, it had nothing on this.
*
That night, I got exactly what I wanted. We found a bistro by the river and dined outside while the sun set, and for the first time, everything was completely at ease and relaxed between us. I'd lowered my defenses and could tell him more about what this year had looked like in my noggin.
We sat next to each other as I shared the conflict, the guilt, the mourning, how I'd fought my feelings and why. In return, Julian rolled his eyes and told me again he was an adult. I had no responsibility toward him, but I couldn’t help that part. If we didn't protect family, what did we do? It was how I functioned, and thankfully he understood. But he called me stubborn several times.
"I can relate on some level," he conceded as a waiter brought us new drinks. "I've dealt with the sense of…wrongness, I suppose, since I was sixteen and saw you in a very new light." He paused and dipped a piece of bread into his ratatouille. "But with everything else, I guess wanting more with you wasn't that much of an issue anymore."
It was the "everything else" I wanted to know. It was more than losing our family.
"I get it." I scooped up the last of my salmon and salad on my fork and crammed it into my mouth. "So the Nicky shit was an attempt to move on, right?"
"Well, yes." He shifted in his seat. That topic made him uncomfortable. "I made a mistake there." He cocked a brow and sent me a little smirk. "Not unlike you and all your one-night stands, I'm sure."
"Ouch," I coughed on a chuckle. "Touché." I shook my head and wiped my mouth. "I don't really remember it. Just going out to get wasted, and then… I drank even more when I couldn’t get you out of my head."
"I'll take some weird pleasure in that," he told me with a grin. "I was so jealous."
I felt bad, 'cause I knew the feeling. "Ditto. Seeing you with that motherfucker… Christ, it made me boil." I took a sip of my beer. "While we're on that subject, I should probably tell you what happened the last day on the set in LA."