Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood 4)

While she lay there in the dark, she sifted through the rubble of her life, trying to see what was still usable and what she had to abandon as unsalvageable. All she found was depressing litter, a hodgepodge of unhappy memories that gave her no direction. She had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do or where she should go.

And didn't that make sense. She'd spent three centuries waiting and hoping for a male to notice her. Three centuries trying to fit in with the glymera. Three centuries working desperately to be someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's mate. All those expectations had been the laws of physics that had governed her life, more pervasive and grounding than gravity.

Except where had trying to meet them gotten her? Orphaned, unmated, and shunned.

All right, then, her first rule for the rest of her days: no more looking outside for definitions. She might not have any clue who she was, but better to be lost and searching than shoved into a social box by someone else.

The phone next to the bed rang and she jumped. After five rounds of chiming, she answered the thing only because it refused to stop going off. "Hello?"

"Madam?" A doggen. "You have a call from our master Butch. Are you receiving?"

Oh, great. So he'd heard.

"Madam?"

"Ah... yes, I am."

"Very well. And I've given him your direct dial. Please hold."

There was a click and then that telltale gravel voice. "Marissa? Are you okay?"

Not really, she thought, but it was none of his business. "Yes, thank you. Beth and Wrath have been very charitable to me."

"Listen, I want to see you."

"You do? Then may I assume that all your problems have magically disappeared? You must be thrilled to be back to normal. Congratulations."

He cursed. "I'm worried about you."

"Kind of you, but - "

"Marissa - "

" - we wouldn't want to endanger me, would we?"

"Listen, I just - "

"So you better stay away so I don't get hurt - "

"Damn you, Marissa. Goddamn this whole thing!"

She closed her eyes, mad at the world and at him and at her brother and herself. And with Butch getting angry, too, this conversation was a hand grenade about to go off.

In a low voice she said, "I appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm fine."

"Shit..."

"Yes, I believe that covers the situation well. Good-bye, Butch."

As she hung up the phone, she realized she was shaking all over.

The ringer went off again immediately and she glared at the bedside table. With a quick lean-and-grab, she reached over and yanked the cord out of the wall.

Shoving her body down through the sheets, she curled over on her side. There was no way she was going to go to sleep, but she shut her eyes anyway.

As she fumed in the dark, she came to a conclusion. Even though everything was... well, shit, to use Butch's eloquent summation... she could say this at least: Being pissed off was better than having a panic attack.

Twenty minutes later, with his Sox cap pulled down low and a pair of sunglasses in place, Butch walked up to a dark green '03 Honda Accord. He looked left and right. No one was in the alley. There were no windows on the buildings. No cars passing by on Ninth Street.

Bending down, he picked up a hunk of rock from the ground and punched a hole in the driver's side window. As the alarm went apeshit, he stepped away from the sedan and melted into the shadows. No one came running. The noise died off.

He hadn't stolen a car since he was sixteen and a juvenile delinquent in South Boston, but he was back in the groove now. He walked over calmly, popped the door, and got in. The sequence that came next was quick and efficient, proving that crime, like his Southie accent, was something he'd never quite lost: He ripped off the panel underneath the dash. Found the wires. Put the right two together and... vroom.

Butch knocked out the rest of the shattered glass with his elbow and took off at a leisurely roll. As his knees were nearly up to his chest, he reached down, hit the release and shoved the seat back as far as it could go. Propping his arm on the window, like he was just taking in the early spring air, he leaned back, all casual.

When he got to the stop sign at the end of the alley, he hit the directional signal and came to a full-tire halt: Following traffic laws when you were in a stolen vehicle and had no ID on you was mission critical.

As he hung a louie and headed down Ninth, he felt bad for whatever Joe he'd just royally f**ked over.. Losing your wheels was not fun, and at the first stoplight he came to, he flipped open the glove compartment. Car was registered to one Sally Forrester. 1247 Barnstable Street.

He vowed to return the Honda to her ASAP and leave her a couple of grand to cover the inconvenience and the busted window.

Speaking of busted things... he tilted the rearview mirror toward himself. Oh, Christ, he was a train wreck. He needed a shave and his face was still a mess from the beatings. With a curse, he repositioned the glass so he didn't have to look at his road map of ugly.

Unfortunately, he still had a pretty clear picture of what was doing.

Heading out of town in Sally Forrester's Accord, sporting a puss like a punching bag, he got nailed with a good shot of self-awareness that he didn't appreciate. He'd always straddled that line between good and bad, had always been willing to bend the rules to suit his purposes. Hell, he'd cracked suspects around until they broke. Turned a blind eye on occasion if it would get him information on a case. Done drugs even after he'd joined the force - at least until he'd kicked his coke habit.

Only no-no's had been kickbacks and sexual favors in the line of duty.

So, yeah, guess those two made him a hero.

And what was he doing now? Going after a female whose life was already a mess. Just so he could join the shit parade that was marching all over her.

Except he couldn't stop himself. After he'd called Marissa back on the phone over and over again, he'd been unable to keep himself from this road trip. Obsessed before, now he was possessed by her. He just had to see if she was all right and... well, hell, he was thinking maybe he could explain himself a little better.

There was one good thing, though. He truly seemed back to normal on the inside. Back in V's lair, he'd given himself a fresh slice in the arm with a knife because, hand-job results notwithstanding, he'd had to check his blood. The stuff had been red, thank God.

He took a deep breath - and then frowned. Putting his nose down to his bicep, he inhaled again. What the hell was this? Even with the wind rushing around in the car, and even through his clothes, he could smell something and no, not the cloying baby powder bullshit, which had fortunately faded. Now there was something else coming out of him.

Christ. Lately, it was like his body was a Glade PlugIn that couldn't make its mind up. But at least this spicy scent he liked -

Whoa. It couldn't be... No, it wasn't. Just wasn't. Right?

Absolutely not. He took out his cell phone and hit speed dial. As soon as he heard V's "hello," he said, "Heads up, I'm coming in."

There was a rasp and an inhale like Vishous had lit up. "I'm not surprised. But how are you getting here?"

"Sally Forrester's Honda."

"Whose?"

"No idea, I stole it. Look, I'm not pulling anything strange." Yeah, right. "Well, the lesser kind of strange. I just need to see Marissa."

There was a long silence. "I'll let you in through the gates. Hell, the mhis has kept those slayers off this property for seventy years, so it's not like they could track you here. And I don't believe you're coming after us. Unless I've got my head wedged?"

"Damn straight I'm not."

Butch repositioned the Sox cap, and as his wrist passed by his nose, he got another whiff of himself. "Ah, V... listen, there's something weird going down with me."

"What?"

"I smell like men's cologne."

"Good for you. Females dig that kind of thing."

"Vishous, I smell like Obsession for Men, only I'm not wearing any, you feel me?"

There was silence on the line. Then, "Human's don't bond."

"Oh, really. You want to tell that to my central nervous system and my sweat glands? They'd appreciate the news flash, I'm sure."

"You noticed it after you two were in that patient room together?"

"It's been worse since then, but I thought I smelled something like it one other time."

"When?"