Just as she was about to ask, he shifted and his hips fell solidly between her legs again.
He kissed her, a deep, drugging full-mouth seduction that got her burning until she was undulating under him, robbing against his hips, trying to get closer to him.
And then it happened. He moved over a little to the left, and she felt his erection at her core, all hard and smooth. There was a broad, satin stroke and then some pressure. She went still, thinking about exactly what was pushing at her and where it wanted to go.
Butch swallowed hard enough for her to hear it and sweat broke out across his shoulders until it ran down his spine. As the pressure between her legs intensified, his breathing deepened until he was groaning on every exhale. When she winced in earnest, he abruptly backed off.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"You're very tight."
"Well, you're very big."
He laughed in a burst. "Nicest things... you say the nicest things."
"Are you stopping?"
"Not unless you want me to."
When there wasn't any "no" coming from her, his body tensed up and the head of him found her entrance once again. His hand came up next to her face and he tucked her hair behind her ear.
"If you can, try and relax, Marissa. It'll go easier for you." He started a rocking motion, his hips easing into hers and retreating, a gentle to and fro. Except each time he tried to nudge in a fraction, her body resisted.
"You okay?" he said through gritted teeth.
She nodded even though she trembled. It all felt so strange, especially as they weren't making any real progress -
With a sudden slide he was in, slipping past some outer muscle until he came up against the barrier his finger had found. As she stiffened, Butch groaned and dropped his face into the pillow next to her head.
She smiled uneasily, the fullness in her unexpected. "I - ah, I feel like I should be asking whether you're all right."
"Are you kidding? I think I'm about to explode." He swallowed again, a desperate gulping. "But I hate the idea of hurting you."
"So let's get that part behind us."
She felt rather than saw his nod. "I love you."
With a quick jerk, he drew back his hips and sliced forward.
The pain was raw and fresh and she gasped, shoving against his shoulders to keep him from moving any farther in. Instinct had her body struggling under his, trying to find a way out or at the very least to get some distance.
Butch lifted his torso off her, and their bellies brushed while they both breathed hard. With his heavy cross swinging between them, she let out a raw curse. The pressure before had been mere discomfort. This wasn't. This hurt.
And she felt so invaded by him, taken over. God, that female chatter she'd overheard about how it was all lock-and-key wonderful, how the first time was magic, how everything was so easy - none of that was true for her.
Panic swelled. What if she really was broken on the inside? Was this the defect the males of the glymera had sensed? What if -
"Marissa?"
- she couldn't get through it at all? What if every time it hurt like this? Oh, Jesus... Butch was very male and he was very sexual. What if he went looking for other -
"Marissa, look at me."
She dragged her eyes to his face, but all she could pay attention to was the voice in her head. Oh, Jesus, it wasn't supposed to hurt this badly, was it? Oh, Jesus... she was defective...
"How you doing?" he said roughly. "Talk to me. Don't keep it inside."
"What if I can't stand it?" she blurted.
His expression went utterly bland, becoming a deliberate mask of calm. "I don't imagine many women like their first time. That romantic version of losing your virginity is a lie."
Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe she was the problem.
The word defect raced around her head even faster, even louder.
"Marissa?"
"I wanted it to be beautiful," she said with despair.
There was a horrible silence... during which all she knew was the strain of his erection in her body. Then Butch said, "I'm sorry you're disappointed. But not all that surprised."
He started to pull out, and that was when something changed. As he moved, the dragging sensation caused a tingle to go through her.
"Wait." She grabbed on to his hips. "That's not all there is to it, right?"
"Pretty much. Just gets more invasive, though."
"Oh... but you haven't finished - "
"I don't need to anymore."
When his erection slipped free of her, she felt curiously empty. Then he moved off her body and she grew instantly cold. As he flipped a comforter over her, she felt his arousal brush against her thigh for an instant. The shaft was wet and had softened.
He settled on his back next to her, resting both forearms over his face.
God... what a mess. And now that she'd caught her breath, she wanted to ask him to keep going, but she knew what he would say. The "no" was in the stiffness of his body.
While they lay side by side, she felt like she should say something. "Butch - "
"I'm really tired and not at all coherent, Let's just go to sleep, okay?" He rolled away, punched a pillow, and exhaled in a long, uneven breath.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Marissa woke up later, surprised she'd slept at all. But that was feeding for you. No matter what, she always had to take rest afterward.
In the dimness, she checked the red glow of an alarm clock. Four hours to dawn and she had things to do that she needed the night for.
She looked over her shoulder. Butch was on his back, his hand on his bare chest, his eyes flickering to and fro under his lids as he slept deeply. His beard had grown in, his hair was all over the place, and he looked a lot younger. Handsome, too, in his slumber.
Why couldn't it have worked out better for them, she wondered. If only she could have held on a little longer, given it more of a chance. And now she had to go.
She slipped out from under the comforter, and the air was chilly on her skin. Moving quietly, she gathered up her slip, her corset... panties, where were her panties -
Stopping short, she looked down with surprise. On the inside of one of her thighs, there was a trickling warmth - blood. From when he'd taken her.
"Come here," Butch said.
She nearly dropped her clothes. "I - ah, I didn't know you were awake."
He held his hand out and she went to him. When she got close to the bed, he snaked his arm behind her leg and pulled her onto the mattress so her weight was resting on one knee.
Then he leaned into her and she gasped as she felt his tongue on her inner thigh. In a warm stroke, he went up to her core and kissed away the remnants of her virginity.
She wondered where he'd learned the tradition from. Couldn't imagine human males practiced it on the females they took for the first time.
Whereas for her kind, it was a sacred moment between mates.
Shoot, she wanted to cry again.
Butch released her and lay back down, watching her with eyes that gave nothing away. For some reason, she felt so very naked before him, even with her slip clutched to her br**sts.
"Take my robe," he said. "Put it on."
"Where is it?"
"Closet. Hanging on the door."
She turned around. His robe was deep red and marked with the scent of him, and she drew it on awkwardly. The heavy silk hung down to the floor and covered her feet, the tie so long she could have wrapped her waist four times with it.
She eyed the ruined dress on the floor.
"Leave it," he said. "I'll throw it out."
She nodded. Went over to the door. Grabbed the handle.
What could she say to make this better? She felt as if she'd made a mess of everything: first her biological reality driving a wedge between them, then her sexual deficiency exposed.
"It's okay, Marissa. You can just go. You don't need to say anything."
She dropped her head. "I'll see you at First Meal?"
"Yeah... sure."
In a numbed-out daze, she walked from the gatehouse to the mansion. When a doggen opened the vestibule's innermost door, she picked up the bottom of Butch's robe so she didn't trip... and was reminded she had nothing to change into.
Time to talk to Fritz.
After she found the butler in the kitchen, she asked him for the way to the garage.
"Are you looking for your clothes, mistress? Why don't I bring some up for you?"
"I'd rather go and pick out a few things myself." As he anxiously glanced to a door on the right, she walked in that direction. "I promise to call if I need you."