Never Been Kissed

“Don’t cry.” My hands cup her face, pulling her in for a kiss. She doesn't fight me as I take her mouth. Her sweet taste fills me. I don’t know how I went a week without this. She was the only thing that went through my mind when the bullet hit me.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asks. Her voice is so soft it almost breaks me in half. A bullet couldn’t take me down, but she could.

“I’ll tell you anything you want.”

“I want to know. I know you’re likely ordered not to tell me anything but-”

“But you’re nosy.”

A small laugh leaves her. I’ll take it. It’s better than any tears coming from her. This is easier than I thought it would be. I should have known that she would understand. She grew up with her brothers in my line of work and she herself was in it.

“A mission plane crash landed. Someone had to go into enemy territory without being noticed and see if anyone was alive. I’m one of the best at tracking people. It’s why they called me in.”

“Were they alive?”

“Yes. My team was in and almost out before we ran into trouble. The shot that hit me was a ricochet as we hauled ass back to our ride out of the jungle.”

“I bet it didn't even slow you down.” She smirks, knowing she’s right. It didn't. Adrenaline is a funny thing. You don’t feel anything until after you hit the finish line.

“Nothing was slowing me down from getting back to you.”

“Next time will you tell me you’ll be gone for a few days? I know you can’t tell me everything. I have an idea of what you’re doing. I put it together. I just-”

“I’m out. There won’t be another time.”

She bites her bottom lip. She tries to hide the relief she feels, but I can see it. It confirms that I’ve made the right decision.

“I don’t want you to quit doing something you love because of me.”

“I wouldn't say I love it. I love you, though.” She turns her head, kissing my palm. “I left because I now have a reason to stay home. We’ve both lost so much already.”

“We have.” She nods her head.

“I’ve kept everyone at arm's length for a long time.”

“I know.” She smiles at me. “All my brothers have been in the service at one time or another. I had a feeling with how you up and disappeared that had to be it. There was also a part of me that thought maybe you got scared.”

“I am.” Scared of losing her. Scared that I could end up dead and she’d have to live through losing someone else in her life. I wouldn't do that to her.

“I know I can be super intimidating.” She lifts her arm and flexes. “I throw a mean right hook too.”

“You do,” I agree with a small laugh. I don’t know how she does that. Take something serious and make me laugh about it.

“I thought if you did run scared you’d come back. I was going to show you that I’d fight for you. I was going to smother you in my love until you accepted it. Obviously I was going to include baked goods too.”

“I’ll never run from you.”

“I figured.” She leans in, kissing me. I stand with her in my arms.

“You can’t carry me. You're hurt,” she protests as I carry her back to the bedroom. I smile when I see her things all over my room. It looks like a tornado went through here.

“Say it again.” Her whole face goes soft.

“I love you.” I lay her down onto the bed.

“I love you, Bow.” She says it again.

“I love you too, kitten.”15PJThe sun pours in the window. Bow slept through most of the day yesterday. He was out after our second round of lovemaking. I fed him, then learned that I was impressively good at giving oral. At least I think I am. I got him to come fast into my mouth. Then he attacked me. I was trying to get him to relax, but it only spurred him on.

I run my fingers through his short chest hair, stopping when I get to the bandage. I lean up and kiss it. I shouldn’t be happy that he’s retired, but I am. I would never have asked that of him, but I’m thankful for it. It’s hard having a family that are all in active service. My brother pretends to be retired too, but I think he still gets called on random missions from time to time. There is always this fear that something will happen. It’s not one I want to have with Bow. I want to live in peace. Our biggest worry about what we’ll have for dinner or what we might name our daughter.