“I love you and it’s killing me to stay away from you,” he admitted. “I didn’t want Rachel to have the abortion. It was finals week and I was focused on school, and she was upset and ignoring me. I went to her, Kimber, with a fucking baby name book and a bouquet of the ugliest flowers in the world. I was going to make it work, become a family. She took it away from me. She took that future away from me. I was too late.”
Hearing that his mother had been diagnosed with stage four cancer was the only time he’d come close to feeling that helpless again. In Rachel’s dorm room that long ago night, he’d shaken his head over and over, as if he could will away what she had told him; keep it from being real. But the abortion had been real. She’d dug out the clinic bill when he’d demanded proof. He’d cried all over that sheet of paper.
“Before you think that I’m trying to make up for what I lost, let me assure you, I’m not. I have been avoiding—rather successfully, I might add—relationships since that night. Until you. When I met you, Kimber, everything changed. My heart changed. Because of you. Working down that list—”
The voice mail beeped, signifying the end.
“Shit.” His finger was hovering over the Call button when Angel appeared in his peripheral. He turned and saw her saddened expression. She took the phone from him and sank into the plastic lawn chair next to his.
“I didn’t know about Rachel,” she said.
He nodded. “It sucked.”
“You never told any of us.”
Aiden and Sadie crept out behind her. Landon wasn’t sure how much they’d heard, but he waved at the empty chairs, gesturing for them to sit.
“You were high school kids,” he said to Angel and Aiden. “And it wasn’t the type of story I wanted to worry Mom and Dad with. I was trying to make them proud.” He shook his head.
“This explains so much,” Angel said.
He pointed at his phone. “I think you came out here about two minutes too late.” What had he done? He ran his hands through his hair and propped them on the back of his head, looking up at the star-pocked sky, then back at his family. “She’s going to hate me for that.”
Sadie was the only one who spoke.
“I wouldn’t if I was her,” she said. “I’d love you for it.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kimber dropped the box into the chute next to the serve-yourself shipping center. She’d neglected getting the package in the mail over the weekend, which was what had brought her here on Monday morning before she headed in to work.
She’d hated missing Lyon’s birthday party Saturday, but she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to send him a gift. In this case, a “real” Superman costume complete with cape, and a replacement copy of Man of Steel. No doubt he’d wear his DVD out soon enough.
Much as she’d wanted to be there for the party, the implications of seeing Landon, his entire family, and discussing their awkward situation were too great. Besides, she and Landon were supposed to be practicing distance.
And she missed Lyon. She would have loved to see his face light up as he opened his gifts, would have loved to watch him blow out the candles on his Superman birthday cake. And she would have loved to see Landon standing behind him, arms crossed over his impressive chest, a proud smile on his face.
Picturing him made her mouth water. She could see him in a T-shirt snuggled around his biceps, in shorts that cupped his rear end.
Wait. She wasn’t supposed to be fantasizing about Landon.
Stupid pregnancy hormones. Yes, she was back to blaming them for her every impulse. Speaking of, she was starving. She glanced at the clock on her phone. Ten a.m. She’d eaten breakfast at eight. At this rate, she’d gain a hundred pounds growing a seven-pound baby.
Not that she was eating her feelings or anything, she thought miserably, walking a block to a café. An array of pastries: Bagels, scones, muffins, and donuts were lined up beneath the glass case. Sinful, tempting.
And buy-one-get-one-free. Bonus.
She ordered a donut and a muffin and told herself the latter would cancel out the former. Liar. But then she’d gotten good at lying to herself, hadn’t she? She had almost convinced herself she was happy with the arrangement she and Landon had made. And she was on her way to believing she didn’t miss laughing with him, talking to him, waking up next to him, or making love to him on every piece of furniture in his house. A few more months of delusion and she might also con herself into believing she could survive natural childbirth.
She picked a table by the window and dunked the teabag into a mug of hot water. Not the same as coffee. Not by a long shot. But even if it was “okay” according to some websites (and her mother) for pregnant women to have a cup of coffee a day, she didn’t want to risk it. The life growing inside of her had become real over the last several weeks.