There was still a tightness in his gut that he refused to acknowledge. No way was he going to be jealous of his own brother. Besides, Phoebe wasn’t the type of woman to go after a kid. So they’d been talking. Nothing more.
But it had been an easy conversation. Chase was good at that. Half the time, Zane stood next to Phoebe as silent and stupid as a tree, because he couldn’t think of anything to say. Or if she started talking, it was about feng shui or making friends with stumps or something that surprised him into silence. It delighted him, too, but he’d never told her that. He didn’t know how.
He swore under his breath, going through multiple combinations of words until he’d run out of all that he knew. Feeling marginally better, he pushed Phoebe from his mind and concentrated on reaching the campsite by four.
Fifteen minutes later, Maya rode up next to him. She gave him one of her sassy smiles.
“So, big guy, how’s it hanging?”
He didn’t even look at her.
“Not feeling chatty, huh?” She sighed. “That’s hardly noteworthy. I know you probably think I’m here to bug you, but if that happens during this conversation, it’s only a side benefit. My actual point is to say that everything seems to be going well. You must be pleased.”
He eyed her warily. “I’m hopeful we’ll make it through without a disaster. We’ve been lucky, so far. Frank said there’s a big storm due in, but I’m hoping it will stay away until Saturday.”
“I’m betting our luck will hold. You’ll get the greenhorns back to the ranch without them being the wiser as to their purpose. Best of all, I think Chase has learned his lesson.”
Zane wasn’t so sure.
Maya sighed. “Come on, Zane. Give the kid a break. You’ve busted his ass and he’s come through. He earned all the punishment you gave him, but you have to admit he’s done well. Every now and then there’s stark panic in his eyes. That has to make you feel good.”
Zane allowed himself a slight smile. “Panic’s good.”
“So you’ll give Chase credit?”
The smile faded. “He’s taking his punishment like a man. I wouldn’t expect any less of him, but if he hadn’t screwed up in the first place, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
She took off her hat and slapped him on the arm with it. “You’re so stubborn. If I thought I could take you, I’d pull you off your horse right now and beat the crap out of you.”
Zane looked at her.
She shook her head. “I said ‘if.’ I just wish you could see things differently. You complain that I only look for the best things in Chase, but I swear you’re always looking for the bad.”
“That’s not true. I see both sides.” He hesitated, remembering his conversation with Gladys. “I care about him.”
Care. It was as much as he could say. Love would be better, but that word had never passed Zane’s lips. He’d only heard it once in his life—from Sally. She’d screamed it at him the day she’d found out why he’d really married her.
You sonofabitch, I loved you. Doesn’t that matter?
He’d been so shocked, he hadn’t known what to say. By the time he’d realized it had mattered a little, she’d been long gone. Then winter had set in, and if he’d had any thoughts of going after her, they faded with time, telling him they hadn’t been that strong in the first place.
“I don’t want Chase to have regrets,” he said.
“What are your regrets?” Maya asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Zane? Tell me.”
“No.”
She made a strangled sound low in her throat. “You are the most stubborn man. It’s that great mystery I’ve heard whispers about, isn’t it? That’s what you regret?”
He didn’t speak. No way he was going to talk about that with her.
“Did you kill a man?” she asked.
“No. I didn’t kill a man.”
“Then what?”
After a couple of minutes, she gave up waiting and returned to the subject at hand. “You need to give Chase room to succeed as well as screw up.”
“I’m happy to do both, but so far he’s only doing the screwing up. You’re pretty quick to pass judgments, considering you’re here for all of a weekend a couple times a year, then you take off.”
“That should make you happy,” she said curtly. “You never wanted me around.”
He considered her statement. “That’s not true. I liked having you around, and I missed you when you were gone.”
“Yeah. Like a rash.”
He slowed his horse and turned to her. “No, Maya. Not like a rash. I missed you. This was your home, and I always wanted you to feel welcome here.”
Her green eyes widened. “For real?”
He nodded.
She swore. “Don’t you dare get all mushy on me, Zane. It would completely creep me out.” She rubbed her nose. “Okay. Maybe I knew this was my home. I liked being here. Not just with Chase, but with you, too. I always admired you, and if you tell anyone I said that, I swear I’ll castrate your prize steer.”
He grinned. “Castrating a steer would be tough, but I won’t repeat it. Besides, who would believe me?”
“Good point.” She pressed her lips together. “You’ve done good with Chase. I wish you could let yourself see it.”