Every Sweet Regret (Orchid Valley 2)

Dean grins. “What are you doing here?”

Kace shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs, looking as nervous as if we’d just been caught doing something way more scandalous than talking. “Um . . .”

I’m definitely still his dirty secret. “Amy freaked out about me moving into the pool house,” I say, coming to his rescue, “and Kace came over to apologize for how she acted.”

Dean shakes his head and looks at the ceiling. “What’s her deal with you?”

Can we please stop talking about this? I sweep my books and notes off the couch and clutch them to my chest. “I need to go study.” Then I take slow and deliberate steps toward my bedroom, trying to hide that I’m running away.Chapter SixteenStellaKace left not long after I escaped to my bedroom, and I didn’t message him all afternoon or evening. I’m trying not to be clingy, and I recognize my impulse to need extra attention when I’m feeling insecure. But I’ve checked my phone no fewer than five hundred times just to make sure I haven’t missed a message from him. At nine, when I know he’s had a chance to get Hope in bed and decompress for a bit, I finally message him. I open Random, since that’s the place he seems to open up to me the most.

ItsyBitsy123: You up for chatting?His reply comes almost immediately.

GoodHands69: I can for a bit. How was your day?

ItsyBitsy123: Okay, I guess. My eyes are crossing from studying for so long.

GoodHands69: What are you going to school for?I frown. Haven’t I told Kace I’m going back to be a nurse? Or maybe he just knows I’m going to school but doesn’t know what for. I don’t remember what I told him, and I actually wish I hadn’t told so many people I was going for nursing. It’s going to be that much more embarrassing when I can’t get into the program.

ItsyBitsy123: The plan was nursing, but I’m not sure now.I quickly type another message, wanting to change the subject.

ItsyBitsy123: What’d you do this afternoon?

GoodHands69: Hope and I went to our favorite trail with a picnic dinner. She can’t go far yet, but she loves hiking. I think her favorite part is stomping in the creek and finding the perfect rock (she always wants to bring them home, but we follow the rules—take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, etc, etc).

She fell asleep in the car on the way home, and then bath, snuggles, and story time filled the rest of the night. It was a good day. Damn near perfect, and one thing I’ve learned in the past year is that the most perfect days are the ones we make for ourselves. I’ve been pretty good about making memories with my daughter, but I’m realizing I haven’t made much of an effort in my personal life outside of that. Which . . . makes me want to talk to you about this other girl I’ve been seeing, but I’ve been told that’s rude.I cringe and laugh at the same time.

ItsyBitsy123: Damn right it is. I seriously don’t want to know about her.

GoodHands69: Got it.

ItsyBitsy123: I hope that doesn’t sound bitchy. I just know I’ll make myself crazy wondering if she’s better than me.I chew on my bottom lip while I wait for him to reply. I’m flirting with the edge of revealing too much about my feelings for him, and I don’t want to scare him off.

GoodHands69: I’d never compare. But I can say I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. It’s been good for me.My heart feels too full.

ItsyBitsy123: I like that we’ve connected in a deeper way on here.

GoodHands69: Me too, but . . . fuck, if you had any idea how many times I’ve typed something about the other woman I’m seeing and then deleted it, you’d think I was a complete ass. I will refrain. I promise.I stare at the screen, trying to convince myself to ask about her, to tell him we can talk about anything. But I’m already racing my way to a broken heart, and I don’t want to make the inevitable crash any more painful.

He ends up messaging again before I can figure out what to say.

GoodHands69: You ever get lonely? Not like bored-and-want-company lonely, but that bone-deep need for connection?

GoodHands69: Fuck. I feel guilty even saying it. My life is good. My friends are awesome. But I always imagined my days would include a partner who’d see me on a deeper level. Someone who’d keep the loneliness at bay. If I’m honest, I hadn’t even felt that with my wife in a long time. If I’m honest, maybe I just WANTED to feel it with her and was willing to pretend things were better than they were. I’m not sure why I’m dumping this on you tonight—except for the obvious. I’m lonely. And I’m starting to think that maybe my ex was never going to be the one to fix that.