At my less than excited tone, the doctor’s silver brows dipped in confusion. “Is this not happy news? We can discuss alternatives if you’d like.”
“No!” The word came out a little too fast, too eager and he laughed. “I just mean that I’m committed to this child, but the news is a shock. Twelve weeks?” He nodded. “Wow.”
Dr. Warner took my shocked silence as permission to continue, telling me all about the importance of prenatal vitamins, a proper diet and all the other things expectant mothers need to know. “And don’t shy away from exercise, it’s good for you and the baby.”
Me and the baby. The baby. I nodded as though I was listening and made a note to look up everything the doctor said later. When I could do something other than freak out about having a baby! “Thank you, Dr. Warner. This is very helpful.”
His smile was sympathetic and so was the slow nod of his head. “You’re welcome. Just give me a call in case you, ah, missed anything.”
I agreed, accepted the prescription sheets and made an appointment with his partner who handled the pregnant patients, before I made my way across the packed parking lot to my car. Finally, thankfully alone inside my car, I let myself react to the news that I was having a baby. On my own.
The tears came immediately in long, endless streams that wouldn’t stop no matter how much I will them to. And then they turned to ugly, body shaking sobs at the fact that nothing in my life had turned out the way I thought it would. Nothing but TFL, which was a blessing since I was six months away from being a single mother. “A single mother.”
Saying the words out loud helped. A little. It made my situation real which sent me into another fit of tears, but it also settled a deep sense of resolve within me. I started the engine and made my way home to change and freshen my makeup. Then it was time head to Time for Love, grateful Eva and Sophie were both busy with individual projects because it allowed me to sneak inside and lock myself in my office without an explanation.
The tears wouldn’t stop and how could they when each time I felt close to normal, to calm, another thought would pop into my head and start the tears all over again.
Dumped by the guy I thought I would marry.
Ghosted on by the biggest slut in Pilgrim, possibly all of Texas.
Pregnant and abandoned by said slut, which really was more my fault than Liam’s because I knew who he was. I’d chosen him for exactly that reason, but hormonal and alone wasn’t the ideal recipe for rational thoughts.
Liam’s radio silence really bothered me, but I couldn’t let it, not when I had more important things to focus on. Like figuring out how to run a business with a baby. Like breaking the news to my business partners. Like making room in my home and my life for said baby. But still, how he could not pick up one call or return a message in two months? Even a message to tell me to stop stalking him would have been preferable to…nothing.
But all I could do was accept what his silence was saying. Get lost. Lose my number. Forget you ever met me.
Done and done…eventually.
As the day went on and the news became less of a shock and more of an impending event, and I got into planner mode. Babies needed stuff. Lots and lots of stuff, which meant I needed a multi-stage plan to get me through this. And that meant I needed my girls, Eva and Sophie, who happened to be the best planners I knew. And Mara, who had mastered the art of taking rotten lemons and turning them into something pretty great.
With an outline of a plan starting to form, I made my first list. A grocery list for all the reinforcements I would need to break this news to my friends. After lugging the last bags into my small house, I sent three emergency text messages and got busy cooking and baking and mixing. It was an activity I didn’t normally find soothing but between carefully following instructions and setting multiple timers, it was the perfect way to distract my mind from wayward, unnecessary thoughts.
Mara showed up first. With bourbon and ice cream. “I wasn’t sure which we’d need so I hedged my bets.” Her crooked smile came easy and it was already filled with so much sympathy that tears filled my eyes.
“Thank you.” I flung myself into her arms and squeezed her tight. “Thanks.”
Mara’s brown brows crinkled with worry and she grabbed my shoulders and guided me to my own kitchen. “You’re not dying are you?”
“No.” I shook my head, surprised at the watery smile I managed at her words. “But I really don’t want to have to say it more than once.”