She knew of the home and knew it was a nice place. “I’m guessing that means it’s pretty bad if he’s living there?”
Maddox nodded. “It might be worse if he was miserable, but honestly, he seems happier than he was before, far more content, in fact. Sure, he doesn’t remember his old life or me for that matter—”
“He doesn’t remember you?” she interjected gently, pressing a hand to her heart.
Maddox lowered his chopsticks back into the box and smiled gently, sliding his fingers down her arm. “Stop looking so sad, sugar. It’s okay, really. When I visit him, we still have good talks and watch the games together. No, he’s not the father I remember, but this is where life has taken us.”
She stared at him, her chest feeling as if a hundred pounds pressed against it. First, Maddox had lost his mother. Then his father. “Well, I’m sorry, but I find this all very heartbreaking.”
“Children being abused is heartbreaking,” Maddox retorted, picking up his chopsticks again. “I had an amazing childhood with a man who gave me everything. I wanted for nothing. Every memory I have is a happy one. By the time the disease set in, I was a grown man, living my own life.”
“Still,” she said, not bothering with her food anymore. “It’s tough to have your father suddenly have no idea who you are.”
“You get used to it.”
She sighed, wishing she could get through to him, even though she told herself she shouldn’t let herself go there. More and more, she began to see the man behind the sizzling touches, and she liked him. Yes, Maddox could own her body, making her feel far more alive than ever before. Though this sweet, unselfish side of him was endearing. He made her want to love all over him, even if she knew how bad an idea that was.
“Just so you know,” she said firmly, letting her barriers down for a moment. “No one should have to get used to the fact that a person who loves them is gone. Just because there’s evil in this world, and worse things happen to other people, doesn’t mean that what you’ve experienced wasn’t difficult. You deserve to be loved, and I’m sorry that love for you hasn’t always been easy.”
Maddox finished his last bite and then gave her a soft smile. “That’s a very sweet thought coming from a very sweet woman.” He inhaled a long breath, and her breath caught in her throat when he glanced out at the water and added, “But in my world, that sweetness does not exist.”
“Well, then, maybe it should.”
He paused. Then, “Maybe.”
Chapter 10
The next evening, after Maddox’s day shift that had started with his mood shitty and ended the same way, he sat on a stool at the bar of Frisky Frikin—the wood-paneled, cozy, British pub—and downed the remainder of his pint. Desperate to wash away his continuing tense mood, he gestured at the bartender for another.
“Coming right up,” the pretty blonde said, hurrying off to fetch his drink.
When he’d arrived at the pub to celebrate Jeremy Walsh’s retirement after twenty-five years of serving Seattle, he found the pub full of his fellow cops, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. This pub was a regular hangout for those on the force. Though, right now, he wanted to be anywhere but here. Christ, he didn’t know where he wanted to be or what he wanted to do.
Yesterday, he hadn’t known what drove him to text Joss, asking her to meet him for lunch. He only knew he couldn’t stand not seeing her. Even now, a sense of loneliness he wasn’t used to slid into him, making him feel needy and goddamn desperate. This wasn’t him. He fucked women and left them, disposing of them before they could dispose of him. That’s what made sense. That’s what made him not hate the woman who’d given birth to him and then left. That’s what had helped him get through his younger years, never wondering how a mother could leave her son and not look in on him again. That’s what made him wake up every day and not miss her and not wonder where she was now.
To keep from spinning into a dark place he never went, he downed a big swig of his beer. The icy crawl of abandonment he had felt as a child crept back into him, and he downed another sip, washing that coldness away.
“Hi, Maddox.”
He snapped his head sideways, and while he noted that it had been Emilia who addressed him, only Joss filled his vision. She wore a black lace top that fit her like a glove—showing the perfect tease of cleavage—and tight skinny jeans with tall black boots. She’d styled her hair down tonight with a little curl at the ends, and her makeup was dark, reminding him of when she’d shown up at his house that first night in the lingerie he’d bought for her.