He was over to it in three strides, blocking my way. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He instantly pulled me into his arms, and I reluctantly went. “I have been rackin’ my mind, tryin’ to figure out what I did wrong? What he has that I don’t? How I could step up my game, be everythin’ you need in a man. I got us this apartment. I know it ain’t big, but it’s a home. I got a job so I could take care of you. I love you so fuckin’ much, it kills me inside.” He pulled away, needing to look into my eyes. “I thought we would be together forever. Get married. Try for another baby. Maybe have a few more after that. Fuckin’ grow old together,” he paused, trying to reel in his emotions, but it was pointless. The hurt was evident his voice. His heart was bleeding out in front of me, too. “You don’t want that, do you? At least not with me, right?”
“Noah… I… I’m just so confused and overwhelmed. I don’t know what the right or wrong answer is. I have been worrying myself sick, these last four months. You have no idea what it is like to have years of emotions come pouring back into your life as if they were never gone. Except, now they’re full force. Mixing in with the way I feel about you in my heart. I feel every touch, every look, everything that I used to know when it came to Creed. It all came rushing back. But there is no doubt in my mind that I love you, too. You have to believe me!” I stressed with tears suddenly falling down the sides of my face. “You have been my rock, my best friend, and one of the best things that have ever happened to me. And I will never be able to thank you enough for that. I’m so sorry, Noah. You have no idea… how sorry I am,” I wept, letting the tears flow loosely now. “I never wanted to hurt you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I love you so much…”
“But?”
“But… my heart is telling me… it’s not you.” My lips trembled. My heart ached for him. “I have been in love with Creed since I was nine-years-old. And as much as I want to tell my heart it’s wrong, I don’t think it is.” More tears spilled down my face, waiting for him to say something, anything. To yell and scream at me. To tell me he hates me and that he will never forgive me for this.
I deserved it all.
“So what now? I just watch you run off into the sunset with my brother? Pretend I never fuckin’ loved you? Never felt you beneath me? Never kissed your lips? And heard you say you love me, too? What, Mia? The fuck you want me to do? Cuz I can’t keep doin’ this. Lookin’ into your eyes, seein’ it’s not me you want. Keep fuckin’ you, knowing that when you’re on top of me, it’s cuz you’re tryin’ to stop thinking of him,” he choked out, his eyes glossy and torn.
“Please… Noah,” I begged for I don’t know what.
“You know I’m right. So, who’s it goin’ to be? Huh? Him or me?”
“Noah, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you,” I simply repeated, staring into the depths of his soul. Needing him to understand and believe me. “But I can’t keep lying to myself, and I can’t keep stringing you along… when my heart belongs to another man. It’s always been his since day one. I just lost my way and couldn’t remember that. But I will never regret being with you. Having you in my life is the only thing that kept me going when all I wanted to do was die right along with Maddie. You saved me.”
He took a deep breath as tears streamed down his face. Mimicking mine. Our emotions mirroring one another.
“Can I kiss you just one last time, please? Pretend that you’re still mine before I have to say goodbye to you. Knowing that you’re going back to him. Leaving me with nothing but my heart dying for you.”
I fervently nodded.
He didn’t waver, grabbing ahold of my face and kissing me like his life depended on it. Putting every emotion, every feeling, every last part of himself into our last kiss.
It would go down as the sweetest, saddest kiss of my life.
He leaned his forehead against mine, still peering deep into my eyes. “I’ll always love you, Mia Ryder.”
I nodded, murmuring, “I know. I’ll always love you, too.”
And I would.
THIRTY-THREE
*Creed*
I found myself going to the train tracks more often than not. The same place that used to torment me, had now become another spot that reminded me of her. Out of all the places we’d been together, this one was the closest to my heart. Clearly aware of the reason, this was where she became mine.
I shook off the sentiment, slowly letting the smoke seep from my nose and lips, savoring the taste of the nicotine that coursed through me. Sitting under the same tree in the open field, waiting for the twelve o’clock train to pass through town. I left Diesel in charge at the shop, running out to grab lunch, and yet here I was.
The one place that now gave me peace.
Trust me, the irony was not lost on me.
It had been six months since I last saw Mia. Nothing had really changed in my life. Same shit, just a different day. I was working so damn much, drowning myself in hours upon hours of custom builds at the shop. Sometimes showing up before sunrise and leaving well after midnight, if not later. It was easier that way.
Plain and simple.
There were times where I thought I saw her, felt her, rapidly turning around to find her, only to realize very fucking quickly it was just wishful thinking. My mind playing games that I had no interest in participating in. Especially after learning that she and Noah weren’t together anymore. They hadn’t been for three months, according to Ma. By the look on her face, she was waiting for me to run out the door of her house and go claim what had always been mine.
I didn’t.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
It hurt too fucking much.
Every day that went by was another day without her. Another day where I didn’t see her, hold her, kiss her, fucking love her…
Another day that she didn’t come to me. And God fucking help me that was all I wanted. I needed her to come back to me like I needed air to breathe. I couldn’t keep fighting for her if she didn’t want me. No longer being able to take the rejection. I was raging a war within myself. Debating whether to go after her or hold my ground. As much as I wanted to, the desire to have her choose me won in the end.
Which was probably why I started spending so much time at these goddamn train tracks, feeling as though I had really lost her for good. She’d moved on, and maybe it was time for me to do the same. I would mourn the loss of her for the rest of my fucking life.
Mia Ryder was a woman to love.
And… fuck did I still love her.
More so now than ever before.
“What are ya doin’ here?” I suddenly found myself asking, unable to turn around. Knowing exactly who was behind me. Except this time, I knew it was real.
I felt her.
“I went by the house, and your bike wasn’t in the driveway. Then I drove by your shop, and it wasn’t in the parking lot, either. I don’t know why but I knew you’d be here, so I came to find you.”
After all this time.
She was finally there.
The moment I waited over three goddamn months for. Standing behind me, waiting for me to acknowledge she existed. That she was still part of my world. When a small breeze brushed through the open field, bathing me in nothing but her scent. The smell of vanilla overpowered my senses. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t fucking terrified to turn around and find she was never there. My mind playing tricks on me once again, wishing for someone who would never come.
Before I could ask her why, I heard her walking in my direction until she took a seat right beside me. Glancing at the side of my face, waiting for me to say something else. Anything else. Instead, I took another drag of my cigarette, inhaling it long and deep. Trying to calm my overly beating heart. Keeping my emotions in check.
“I spent the last three months trying to get my life back in order, Creed. It was such a mess. I was such a mess. I needed a minute to be myself, to figure things out. Find who I was and what I wanted to be,” Mia
revealed, never taking her eyes off the side of my face.
“You miss Noah, Pippin?”
“Yes, but not in the sense that you think. I’ve spoken to him a few times, both of us checking in on each other. I hope one day we can put all this aside and become friends, again. I hate that he’s not in my life anymore, but I had to let him go.”
“Why is that?”
“Because he wasn’t the man I’m in love with. The man I’ve never stopped being in love with. The man who owns my heart, body, and soul. The same one who’s sitting right in front of me, but won’t look in my direction because he’s scared I’ll disappear.” She slowly crawled her way in front of me, sitting up on her knees. Staring straight into my eyes. She leaned forward and grabbed hold of the sides of my face, her lips inches away from mine. Adding, “I’m here, Creed. It took me a long time to get here. But I’m here nonetheless. For you. I can’t say I chose you because there’s never been a choice to make. It was always you… ya feel me?” She shyly smiled, throwing my line back at me.
I couldn’t control it, as much as I wanted to, narrowing my eyes at her, I spewed, “What makes you think I even want ya anymore?”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted, not expecting me to say that.
“I asked you a question. Expectin’ a fuckin’ answer, Mia.”
Her hands dropped from my face into her lap, defeated. A look of pure hurt crossed her eyes that were now glossy. It wasn’t my intention to cause her any pain, but she needed to know I wasn’t some fucking dog that would sit and roll over on her demand. Just because she was finally ready, didn’t mean I was quite there yet. Of course, I fucking wanted her. I had been waiting for her to come back to me for as long as I can remember.
She surprised me when she said, “I don’t know, but I’m calling bullshit. I know you love me, still. I can feel it every damn day like no time has passed between us at all. I’m not expecting you to forgive me today, but I hope you can find me in your heart again. I never left, I was just hiding for a really long time.”
“Is that right?”
She nodded. “Let me make it up to you. Let me back in, and I will never leave again. You’re stuck with me now, Creed Jameson.”
Her breathing hitched, and her eyes dilated when I suddenly wrapped my arms around her. Lifting her tiny frame onto my thighs. All it would take was for me to kiss her, bite that goddamn bottom lip that had me hard just staring at it.
I. Needed. Her.
I was about to get lost in the moment and do exactly that, but the horn from the train blared nearby, breaking our connection.
With wide eyes she watched as every last car blew by with the breeze, not knowing what trains meant to me. The horn sounded three more times into the afternoon air as it clinked along the old tracks. All I did was watch her. I wanted to remember everything about that moment. The way she looked, the way she felt, but mostly the way she made me fucking feel. Searing and scarring me in ways I never wanted to recover from.
I heard the last car squeal down the tracks. “Pippin,” I rasped, bringing her attention back to me.
My fingers ran up her arms, stopping when I reached her face. Brushing along her cheeks with my thumbs, I finally got to trace her pouty fucking lips like I wanted to for the last two and half years. Trailing them down to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me, as close as she could get.
“I fuckin’ love you. I won’t lose you again,” I paused, searching her expression. “For the first time in my life, I watched a train go by, and I didn’t want to haul ass on it.” Her eyebrows lowered as I peered deep into her eyes, confessing my truths. Placing my lips close to hers, I murmured, “Marry me.” I didn’t give her a chance to reply.
No longer being able to restrain myself, I crashed my mouth onto hers. Clutching harder onto the sides of my face, biting her goddamn bottom lip exactly the way I had fantasized moments ago. My tongue found hers. The slightest feel of her drove me over the edge, and all we were doing was kissing. I couldn’t fucking wait to have my hands on her, my cock in her. Our tongues continued to move in sync with one another, colliding, afflicting, and penetrating deep into my soul. Where she fucking belonged.
I kissed her one last time, letting my lips linger for a few more seconds. Resting my forehead against hers, breathing profusely. My hands clutched the sides of her face with my eyes still closed as well. Needing a moment to take her in. To take all of this in.
I felt her smile against my mouth and whisper, “Yes.”
My eyes instantly opened, and for the first time since she woke up in that hospital bed, I saw my future.
She pressed her hands against my chest, swallowing hard, peeking up at me through her lashes. “Take me home. Now.”
I didn’t have to be told twice.
My hands fell to her ass, gripping it tight, picking her up in one swift motion as I got to my feet. Causing her skirt to ride up her thighs, making her straddle my waist as I walked us back toward my bike. Bringing back all the memories of the first time I did this, consuming the both of us. My senses were heightened, taking in the scent of her all around me, plunging my tongue deep into my mouth. Unable to get enough of her.
The taste of her was all around me.
I straddled my bike with her now on my lap, yanking her closer, molding us into one person and claiming her like I did all those years ago.
I groaned into her mouth, “As much as I wanna fuck you on my bike again, I wanna break your pussy in our bed even more. Haven’t been with anyone else since you.”
Her mouth dropped open, caught off guard by my confession.
“Need to fuck you, babe. Claim you again. Then I’ll take my time wit’ you. Make sweet fuckin’ love to you all night long.” Kissing her one last time, I reluctantly placed her on the seat behind me.
She tried to hide the fact that she was beaming, but it was spread clear across her face, so she put my helmet on instead. Hoping I wouldn’t notice. I threw back the throttle and rode with my girl on the back of my bike.
Where she always fucking belonged.
*Mia*
I couldn’t believe he asked me to marry him, a random question that came out of nowhere. One minute I thought he was rejecting me, and the next he was asking me to be his wife. To spend eternity with him, making up for lost times.
Starting now.
It was all I ever wanted. He was all I ever wanted. We were lobsters that got lost at sea, but made their way back to each other. It didn’t take long for him to pull up in our driveway, speeding to get me home and into bed. The second he kicked out his kickstand, I threw the helmet off and maneuvered my way onto his lap again.
In his arms.
“I want you,” I moaned into his ear, kissing all along the side of his neck.
He growled, carrying me off the bike with my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck. The second his lips touched mine he growled again, parting them. Beckoning me to the same.
I did.
His hands were all over me. He couldn’t decide where he wanted to touch me the most. I leaned into every touch, every sensation, every single filthy word that fell from his mouth. Anything he had to offer, I would take. He was mine. I was loving the thrill of what was to come, reaching for his belt before he even had the front door open. Knowing we were giving our new neighbors one hell of a show. I didn’t care.
I wanted him.
I needed him.
Every last part of him.
He eagerly moved his hips against my hands as I worked his button and zipper. Unable to get them off fast enough. Pulling out his long, thick cock, aggressively and urgently stroking it up and down while he opened the door.
“Fuck, Mia…” he breathed into my mouth, rushing in and kicking it closed behind us. Slamming it shut.
He walked us down the hallway as best as he could, but our ravenous bodies had taken control. My back hitting a few walls, sending picture frames flying to the floor beneath us. We were both sp
iraling in a frenzy from the feel of our mouths and bodies colliding. It didn’t matter how big of a mess we were making, just needing to get there as fast as possible.
He laid me on the edge of the bed, standing, hovering above me. Our mouth’s attacking one another’s while he pushed me down into the mattress. Taking what we both had been wanting.
What we needed.
Each other.
He tore open my blouse, sending buttons flying everywhere, crashing onto the floor with a ting sound. Not wanting to break our connection, not even for a minute. My bra was off within seconds, finally feeling his strong, callused hands roughly kneading my breasts as he sucked and licked all around my nipples. Causing my back to arch off the bed. Making me grip onto his neck, wanting him closer, and yet he still wasn’t nearly close enough.
I never stopped stroking his cock, licking my lips. Imagining I could taste him on my tongue. He roughly ripped off my skirt and panties like he couldn’t get them off fast enough.
“I want to fuck you with my tongue,” he breathlessly urged, immediately placing his face in between my thighs.
I didn’t even have time to blink before his tongue was pushing into my folds, swirling it into my opening.
“Oh, God,” I panted as he placed my thighs onto his shoulders. Angling my clit in a way that made me go mad with need.
My hands instantly went into his hair, tugging and pulling. Gripping onto it with every lick to my core. Watching as his face was buried in my most sacred area.
As if reading my mind, he opened his eyes to look up at me as he sucked my clit into his mouth. Instantly moving his head in a side-to-side motion, followed by a back and forth rhythm.
“Ah!” I yelled out, trying to catch my bearings. Releasing his cock, unable to focus. My chest heaved with every precise manipulation of his skilled tongue and lips. His mouth literally eating me alive. I watched him push two fingers into my wet heat, causing my legs to shake. Which only enticed him to finger-fuck me harder and lick me faster. Bringing me so close to the edge of ecstasy.