My parents always looked like they had the best marriage, it surprised me that they went through hard times.
“It took us a while to get back to where we were before we had you, but once we did, it was better than it had been before. Men are selfish and I wanted to keep running my practice and have her at home with you. I never imagined she needed me to be around as well. Not that I didn’t want to be, I just thought she could handle everything on her own. From then on out I made it a point to be home for dinner and be able to tuck you into bed and spend some alone time with her. I forgot how much she needed the adult interaction and our time together.”
“Is that why you didn’t have more children?”
“No. We just decided that one was enough for us. You always seemed to be happy being the only child, though I’m sure having Julia around helped.” He took a sip of his beer. “How is Julia? How are you guys dealing with the changes?”
“At first, it was terrible, but over the last few months, it seems like we are back on track. She seems happier, if that makes any sense.”
“Completely. Julia always was an independent spirit. When you were younger, your relationship was very much brother and sister. It surprised us when you guys started dating. Not because we didn’t love her as our own, but you were very different and that sometimes can be a huge problem.”
“Julia was my safe spot, and at the time, that’s what I needed.”
He nodded. “What do you need now?”
“I have everything I want.” I hesitated. “I just hope it stays that way.”
“Here, I brought us some frozen margaritas,” I announced, handing Sebastian’s mom one before lying back on my lounger.
“Now this is the life…beautiful view, great company, and fruity tropical drinks. Maybe Steven and I need to look into getting a timeshare or a property here. I mean, I know we’re going to want to spend a lot more time here once Sebastian’s dad retires.”
I nodded, looking at her.
She turned to smile at me and raised her sunglasses. “And maybe after some grandchildren.” She smirked and raised an eyebrow. “What do you think about that?”
I opened my mouth and then quickly shut it. Not knowing what to say.
What the hell do I say to that?
She righted her sunglasses back on her face. “You know, Ysa?” She paused. “Can I call you Ysa?”
“Of course.”
“You remind me a lot of myself.”
I chuckled. “I highly doubt that.”
She shook her head. “I don’t. You don’t say much, but you really don’t have to because it’s written all over your face. Even though you guard your emotions, you still wear them on your sleeve. It’s normal to be scared of things you don’t know. Trust me. When I first had Sebastian, I had no idea what to do with him. His father was always working and I was stuck at home playing homemaker and mother to a small boy that I loved with everything I had. Julia’s mom and I are best friends; we have been since high school. She had Julia shortly after we had Sebastian. I remember how much she loved being a mother and a wife.”
I hadn’t stopped staring at her as I listened carefully to everything she was sharing.
“I loved it, too. However, I wanted more out of life. I had worked as a nurse for my husband for a little over a year before I got pregnant. I loved it. So when Sebastian came, I hadn’t realized how much of my life would be turned upside down by someone who weighed ten pounds.” She laughed, reliving what she was saying.
“I often thought there was something wrong with me because Julia’s mom seemed perfect. They tried for a baby almost immediately and they could never conceive again. I learned quickly that looks can be deceiving, not everything is as perfect as it seems. You,” she stated, pointing to me, “seem perfect, and that worries me a little bit. I’ve never seen my son as happy as he’s been since he’s been with you. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Julia, she will always be like a daughter to me. But I knew from the second that they got together it wouldn’t last. You see…my sweet girl. He loved her…but he wasn’t in love with her. It’s very easy to mix the two.” She sat up and grabbed my hands.
“My son is in love with you, Ysa. He wants a future with you. I know you love him, too. I also know you’re terrified of the future. I know how you met and I know why he got a divorce. Shit happens.”
My eyes widened.
“Pardon my language, but there’s no other way to say it. People aren’t perfect. We make mistakes; his first mistake was marrying Julia. And my mistake was allowing it to happen…but as mothers, we stand by and support any and every decision, even if it’s wrong. He’s where he’s supposed to be now…I feel it in my heart and I see it in the way he looks at you.”
She pulled me in for a hug. “And I know you are, too. It’s just going to take some time to realize that. But all good things come to those who wait. I’ll be sure to tell you I told you so when the time is right.”
I shook my head, laughing, and hugged her back.
I prayed that she was right.
A month later and it was Christmas. I grabbed Ysabelle’s suitcase and placed it with the other three by the door, only one of them belonged to me.
“You know we’re only going for a ten days, right?”
“Yes!” she shouted from the bedroom.
“You couldn’t tell with the amount of luggage you’ve packed,” I replied, walking into the bedroom and laying on the bed with my arms behind my head.
“Two of those suitcases are presents.”
My mouth dropped open.
“What?” She folded her arms. “It’s my first Christmas…with both of you, and I wanted to make it special and memorable.” She shrugged.
“I can understand that.”
I was over having this conversation and had other things in mind. I grabbed her around the waist and threw her over my shoulder, dragging her into the shower with me.
“I’m not done packing,” she shrieked, giggling.
My parents’ visit might have been the best thing that happened to us since I had found her on the island. Her demeanor had changed; she looked happy and content. There was a certain peace about her that hadn’t been there before, and I had a suspicion that it had something to do with my mom. Though neither would divulge any information. I had even caught Ysabelle talking to her on the phone a few times.
Our flight to Colorado left on time, as scheduled. Christian was taking another flight from Miami. I made sure to let the airline know that a child would be flying first-class by himself. They assured me that he would be in good hands. Our flight arrived thirty minutes before his, so it gave us plenty of time to walk over to his gate to pick him up.
Ysabelle had been quiet the entire flight and I knew it was from nerves. She held my hand reassuringly as we waited for Christian to walk through the terminal.
“Dad!” he shouted, running over to me.
I immediately picked him up and hugged him with everything I could muster.
“Hey, buddy.”
I placed him back on the ground and took a look at him. “Wow! You’ve grown. I barely recognized you.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely.”
I turned to Ysabelle, who was closely observing our interaction.
“Christian, you remember Ysabelle.”
He nodded. “Hi.”
“Hey, Christian, I hope your flight was okay.”
He nodded again. “It was fine.”
“Oh great. Do you want me to help you with that carry-on?”
“No, I’m fine. So, Dad, Mom says you have a really cool big boat,” he exclaimed, turning his attention back to me.
I winked at Ysabelle and put my arm around Christian’s shoulder as we walked side-by-side.
I knew nothing about kids other than that they talked a lot. Christian hadn’t stopped talking or asking questions since we picked him up from the airport. Sebastian had rented an SUV and I sat in the backseat to let them
catch up. He had high energy and everything he spoke about was as exciting as the last thing that came out of his mouth. He already had another question before Sebastian answered the previous one. He wanted to know everything about his new life and Sebastian happily obliged.
“Ysabelle has this really cool bar that she owns. We get to meet lots of new people all the time.”
“That’s awesome, Dad. I can’t wait to come visit. I’m sure Mom would love to visit, too. You remember when we used to take the boat out every Sunday and Mom didn’t like to go in the water so you would carry her in?”
There was a certain tone in his voice that I couldn’t quite pick up on and it made me hesitant.
Sebastian nodded.
“That was really funny. I bet Mom would love the island. Do you remember that time that she pushed you in the water and you lost your new sunglasses?”
I could feel Sebastian’s eyes on me through the rearview mirror, but I ignored him.
“Hey, bud, check out the house!” he said, changing the subject.
“Wow! Is this where we’re staying! It’s huge,” he said, getting out of the car.
“Yep, this is home for the next ten days. Ysa, why don’t you take Christian inside and show him the place while I get our bags.”
I was about to say yes when Christian said that he wanted to help with the bags, too. Sebastian told him he had it under control and he reluctantly came with me. The fireplace was on and there was food in warming trays on the kitchen island. The cabin was breathtakingly beautiful with a big open area that had stairs leading to a kid’s playroom and another few bedrooms. We took off our coats and scarves and I hung them up on the rack by the door.
“Want to see your room?”
“Yeah!”
“Well, there are a few of them that you can choose from so you can pick wherever you’d like to sleep.”
We walked into the second room and it was decked out with toys and a flat screen.
“I’ll take this one,” he stated, sitting on the bed.
I smiled. “I think this room is perfect.”
He nodded. “What room are you taking?”
“Oh,” I replied, taken aback. “Ummm…the downstairs one.”
“But that’s my dad’s room.”
“Right…it’s…my room…too.”
His eyebrows lowered. “But you aren’t married. My mom says that only married people sleep in the same room.”
Oh my God! Someone shoot me…where the hell is Sebastian?
“Yeah…she’s…she’s ummm…” I stuttered.
Sebastian pushed open the bedroom door, holding all of Christian’s luggage. “This is…” He looked around, placing the bags by his bed. “…a good choice.” He looked back at me and mouthed, “What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, Dad! This is my room. Ysabelle said she’s sleeping downstairs in your room,” he reiterated. “I think she’s confused…you aren’t married and only married people sleep in the same room. Right, Dad?”
His eyes widened and I jauntily smiled at him.
“Yeah…bud…that’s true.”
“See, Ysabelle, there're three other rooms. The one with all the pink might be a good one for you. Mom loves pink.”
“Yeah…I can sleep in that—”
“Ysabelle,” Sebastian interrupted, taking a seat next to him on the bed.
Is there a hole in this room? Maybe I could hide in the closet?
“Why don’t I leave—”
“Ysabelle and I are sleeping in the same room, buddy,” Sebastian chimed in, knowing that I was about to flee. “Remember, I told you that we live on the island together and we have a place above the bar. You know this.”
“I know. But I thought you guys had your own rooms. Mom never lets Anthony stay the night because she said only married people sleep together.”
And if the earth wanted to open up at any point in time, do so…right now!
“I can understand why your mom would say that; however, things are different for us. We live together.”
He nodded, looking back between us. “Oh, does that mean you’re getting married?”
Of course…that would be the next question…God hates me. I’m his personal comedic relief for the afternoon.
“Hello!” Someone shouted downstairs.
Oh, thank you, random stranger that’s in our cabin!
“I’ll go handle that. You guys…you do this…” I pointed to them and got my happy ass out of there as fast as I could.
“All right, let’s have a man-to-man talk. How do you feel about that?” I asked.
“I’m okay with it,” he agreed.
“You know Ysabelle is my girlfriend.”
He nodded.
“And you know Mom has a boyfriend.”
He nodded again.
“The only difference between my relationship and your mom’s is that I live with Ysabelle. And since we live together, it’s different than it would be if we were dating. Do you understand?”
“Kinda.”
“What is confusing?”
“I don’t know…I don’t understand why you guys aren’t together anymore. I know Mom said that it was grown up problems and it had nothing to do with me…”
“And it didn’t, it still doesn’t,” I reaffirmed.
“Do you think that maybe you guys will get back together? Because my friend Jacob’s parents got a divorce and then got back together.”
I placed my hand on his back. “No, bud, we aren’t going to get back together.”
“Are you sure, Dad?”
I shook my head. “I’m positive. We will always care for each other and we will always love you.”
“Okay…” He bowed his head.
“I know it’s confusing for you right now because so much has changed, Christian. I’m sorry that you’ve had to grow up a lot in the last few years. Sometimes parents try to do what’s best for them and their family, and what’s best for us is that we are no longer together. I love your mom and she feels the same way about me. One day you will understand the difference between a friendship and being in love.”
“Yeah…Mom said the same thing.”
“Is that why you’ve been acting out in school and giving your mom a hard time? You know that’s not acceptable.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I guess Anthony is okay…he’s nice.”
“Ysabelle is really nice, too. I think you should try to get to know her.”
“I guess I could do that.”
“I’d really appreciate it if you would. You know you’re my main man and your opinion is very important to me.”
He peeked up at me and smiled. “Yeah, I guess we could be friends. She’s really pretty.”
I laughed. “She is very pretty. I agree. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. I’m going to go help Ysabelle. Can you unpack all your stuff and meet us downstairs in a half an hour for dinner?”
“Okay.”
I kissed him on the head and closed the door behind me before I made my way downstairs.
To the other problem…
“Hey,” she greeted as I walked down the stairs. “So that was the caterer, it was really nice of you to have this food for us tonight. I guess it makes it easier and now we don’t have to go grocery shopping tonight. But I can do that in the morning and you can hang with Christian.”
I wrapped my arms around her.
“I mean, unless you want us to go together, which is probably better so that he picks out the food that he wants to eat. I mean, I don’t really know what kids like to eat, it wouldn’t be hard, though; I’m sure I could just ask someone—”
“Ysa…shhh…take a second to breathe,” I murmured and she laid her head on my chest.
“He hates me,” she confided.
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Maybe I should just sleep in one of the other rooms. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me.
He needs to learn, and he will. Just give him some time. He’s a kid; it’s confusing for him.”
“Maybe I should give him a present?” she encouraged.
I pulled away from her and cocked my head. “Is that why you went crazy with the presents?”
“No…” She looked everywhere but at me. “I mean…maybe. I don’t fucking know.” She backed away from me. “I mean shit…I mean damn it…” She placed her hand on her forehead. “I can’t do this, Sebastian.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Seeing her all frazzled was adorable. Especially for her, I loved witnessing more of her walls coming down.
“You’re laughing at me now?”
I put my hands up in front of me in a surrendering gesture. “Calm down…if you took a step back and looked at yourself right now, you would be laughing, too. I used to cuss all the time, so did Julia. It takes time, Ysa, it’s not going to happen overnight.”
She sighed.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“I’m going to go shower before dinner. You think you can manage for about ten minutes?”
“Yeah…”
I kissed her on the forehead and left. I knew she needed to regroup and it was better if she did it by herself.
How did I find myself in this situation? I’m not someone’s parent. I hated having intense conversations. We had just arrived and we were already having one. What if something happened while Sebastian was gone? How would I handle it by myself? I would have given the kid anything just to stop where the conversation was leading to...parents don’t do that.
They have their shit together all day, every day. Sebastian jumped in, head first, without a care or concern for the world. It was natural to him. I was ready to jump off the balcony. My heart was beating rapidly and I couldn’t stop the anxiety that crept into my being. I never wanted to be a parent…I was never one of those women who looked at babies and felt all warm inside. They seemed like a burden more than anything else.