Awaiting my fucking death sentence.
THIRTY-NINE
NOAH
When she emerged wearing her short black silk robe, I almost gasped at the sight of her.
In the broad daylight shining through the French doors, I could see her legs and arms were covered in cuts and bruises. Wounds I didn’t see last night when I took off her dress and laid her in bed beside me. The nasty gash on her forehead was swollen with a deep purple hue outlining the twenty small stitches, looking much worse than it did the night before as well.
But she was still so fucking beautiful, and that in itself took my goddamn breath away.
“How ya feelin’?”
“Like shit. I had to cancel my entire schedule for the next few days. Telling everyone I slipped in the pool and hit my forehead on the edge. Oh! And where did you take me to get stitched up? Did the paparazzi—”
“No one saw.”
“Are you sure? What about the person who stitched me? Did you make them sign an NDA? Because I guarantee you they’ll go to the press—”
“I handled it. Trust me, yeah?”
“Trust you? You can’t be serious. Look at me.” She held her arms out at her sides. “I look like I’ve been in a car accident.”
“Cutie, I’m sor—”
“Don’t, Noah. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to make anything okay between us. You lied to me. You fucking lied to me.”
“Can you please come here?”
“No.”
“Skyler, you had a helluva fall last night. You need to rest.”
She glared at me, standing across the room. “Whose fault was that, Noah?”
“Technically, yours.”
Jerking back from my blunt response, she instantly grabbed her ribs and hissed.
“Shit.” I was over to her in three long strides.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Baby—”
“I mean it, Noah. Stay away from me. All you do is hurt me.”
“You know that’s bullshit. I fucked up, alright? I shouldn’t have lied to ya, and for that I’m really fuckin’ sorry, but I ain’t the only one who’s fuckin’ shit up between us.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve done everything in my power to try and make up for what I did to you, for what I put you through. I’ve included you in my life, my home, every last part of me is yours.”
“Is that right?”
“Absolutely.”
I backed away, slowly shaking my head. “I ain’t doin’ this wit’ you. Not when you need to rest.”
I’d barely taken a step away from her when she stated, “Of course, you’re just going to leave. It’s your answer to everything now. Go ahead, Noah. Go kill more people to fucking feel better.”
I snapped around. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“You. Heard. Me. You think I’m stupid? I’m not a kid anymore. I may have bought your bullshit story about fighting for the money when we were teenagers, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. You don’t give a shit about the money. You fight to fucking feel. Why? I’m right here. I’ve been here for over a year now, and you still don’t tell me anything about what’s going on with you. Why did you come back to me if you were just going to keep—” Her eyes widened, the realization of the answer to that question, slapping her right in the face.
“Skyler,” I coaxed, stepping toward her.
Causing her to step back. “Oh my God,” she knowingly breathed out. “I’m such a fucking idiot. How did I not see this until now?”
“Skyler, please… don’t—”
“You weren’t in Vegas for me at all, were you?”
“Baby—”
“Were you?!”
I shook my head. “No.”
She grimaced, her heart breaking right in front of me. “Then why were you there?”
“Cutie—”
“Why?!”
When I didn’t reply, she did for me. “Oh…” She warily nodded. “I get it now. You were there for a fight. Weren’t you?”
“Skyler—”
“Weren’t you?!”
“Yes.”
“I see… so you just stumbled upon the club?”
“Somethin’ like that.”
“Tell me!”
I scoffed, “For fucks sake. I was walkin’ through the casino and when I passed the club, I heard you singin’. Alright? There. Feel better now?”
“You fucking bastard! This whole time! This whole fucking time I thought you were there for me! You’re nothing but a fucking liar!”
“I didn’t fuckin’ lie to you. Not once did I ever say I was in Vegas for you, Skyler.”
“But you still made me think you were! Not once did you say why you were really there! Not one fucking time in over a year!”
“You need to calm the fuck down and stop screamin’ at me, I’m standin’ right fuckin’ in front of you!”
“All this time… all this fucking time I thought… oh my God...” she muttered, expressing so many conflicting emotions on her face that it was hard to swallow. “This all makes sense now. All those phone calls, they were Vlad, weren’t they?”
“Skyl—”
“Weren’t they?!”
“Yes.”
“So you’ve been fighting this entire time?”
“Jesus Christ, why do you keep askin’ me shit you already know the answers to?”
“Because I want to hear it come from your mouth, so I’m done assuming shit! Like you being in Vegas for me!”
“What does it matter? It doesn’t change anythin’, I’m fuckin’ here, aren’t I? Wit’ you, for you. You think I wanna be here for anyone or anythin’ other than you? I fuckin’ hate it here, Skyler! The pretentious motherfuckers, the goddamn press, you’re career! It’s all fuckin’ bullshit! Between that and the fact I barely see you, and when I do you look like you could pass the fuck out just from standin’! I’m over it! All of this! It’s not me and I swear it ain’t you either!”
She got right in my face. “I have worked my ass off to get to where I am right now! How dare you say that to me?!”
“Cuz it’s the fuckin’ truth! You wanna talk ’bout more truths, Skyler fuckin’ Bell?” I growled, eyeing her up and down. “How ’bout this one? You give me shit for not bein’ honest wit’ you, but when have you ever been sincere wit’ me? Huh? You never introduced me to your old man, you never let me into your house in Southport, you never even told me ’bout your mom. I found out on-fuckin’-line, and then the actual details came out through your nightmare you had cuz you were fuckin’ high on Quaaludes!”
“They were sleeping pills!”
“That most people use to get fuckin’ high! You don’t even bat a fuckin’ eye or care to look at the shit your so-called father figure fuckin’ hands you, like it’s goddamn candy! But last time I fuckin’ checked, most people just drink coffee and not snort rails of blow to stay the fuck awake, when their bodies are tellin’ them their fuckin’ exhausted!”
“Everyone. Does. It,” she gritted out.
“In what fuckin’ part of the world do you live in, that you think it’s normal to pop pills and snort blow to fuckin’ pass out or be coherent?!”
“I don’t know, Noah! Maybe the same part of the world you think it’s okay to kill people for the sick pleasure of your own piece of mind?! How many lives have you taken? How many people have you killed, or have you lost count?”
I looked away, I had to.
“Did you kill your piece of shit father too?”
We locked eyes.
“Been readin’ up on old news, baby? I had nothin’ to do wit’ that, but I sure as shit wish I had.”
She frowned. “It was on the news?”
“Yeah, how the hell else did you find out ’bout it?”
“What about the girl… she was missing. Did you have something to do with that?”
“Skyler, how the fuck do you know any of this if you didn’t—”
&
nbsp; “That was on the news too? When?”
“Over four years ago, when it happened. I didn’t have shit to do wit’ either of those, it was all my brother Creed.”
“Your brother? What does he have to do with this?”
“Everythin’.”
“Noah—”
“I ain’t talkin’ ’bout my brother. It’s his fuckin’ story to tell. But let’s just say we were on the road to nowhere and his ended here.” I held up my ring finger. “Wit’ a happily fuckin’ after.”
“Fine.”
Even though my responses were short, they were to the point and seemed enough to appease her. She reluctantly gave in, moving on. Believing that I didn’t have shit to do with any of those questions.
There was no need for me to ask her again on how she found out this information, I knew.
Motherfucking Keith.
“Then answer this. How the hell did you never have any bruises, or cuts, when you’ve been fighting the whole time we’ve been together? Do they even hit you?”
“I had too much to lose if they did.”
“What about your knuckles? They’ve never looked—”
“I always wrap them up wit’ gauze and medical tape, to protect my fists from showin’ you the truth.”
“Wow…” she rasped, her mind trying to process everything I just shared for the first time. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
“Yeah? Well the feelin’ is fuckin’ mutual.”
“We don’t know each other at all, do we, Noah?”
“Bullshit. Don’t fuckin’ say that. Don’t you ever fuckin’ say that to me.” Looking deep into her gaze, I murmured, “I know how you love to be touched, kissed, fucked… I know every smile that spreads on your face, every laugh that flows from your lips, every emotion you feel just by lookin’ into your eyes.”
Her chest started to rise and fall with each word I sincerely expressed.
“I know the sound of your voice from a mile away… every pant, every moan, every expression you possess when I make you come on my cock, wit’ my mouth, my tongue, my goddamn fingers… every part of you is mine. From your heart, to your soul, to your pussy. It all belongs to me, cuz you belong to me. So don’t ever fuckin’ say I don’t know you. Cuz you’re a part of me, like I’m a part of you. And nothin’ is ever gonna change that, do you understand me?”
“If that’s the case, then tell me who Maddie is?”
My jaw clenched and my body seized up. I expected her to ask this, but it still didn’t make it any easier to hear. Her name alone brought me to my goddamn knees.
“I’m sorry, Cutie. I just can’t.”
“Why?”
“Cuz you’ll fuckin’ hate me if I tell you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“How?”
“Cuz it’s part of the reason I fuckin’ hate you too.”
Her body locked up as bad as mine. “I thought you said you didn’t mean any of those things you said to me in Vegas. I guess you just lied about that too.”
“I never said I didn’t mean ’em, Skyler.”
“Right… then I guess I just assumed that too.”
Neither one of us said anything, we didn’t have to. I think we both knew what was coming. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. What goes up, must come down. It was simply the way the world went around.
With trembling lips and tears in her eyes, she whispered, “You need to leave, Noah.”
Tearing at my insides, ripping my heart from my chest with her bare hands. “Cutie…”
“Please,” she paused, trying to gather the strength to continue. “Because I can’t leave you again.”
When I blinked, it was only then I realized I was crying. Instinctively reaching for her, I grabbed her face in between my hands. Weeping, “I love you. I fuckin’ love you,” against her lips.
“I know.” She held onto my wrists as if she needed to feel me as well. “I love you too. But sometimes, love just isn’t enough.”
I pulled her into my arms, wrapping my body around her tiny frame, letting all our demons go. Crying in each other’s, mourning everything we ever had together, grieving for the love we lost.
The one we fought for.
That destroyed us both in the end.
Being the first to pull away, I gripped onto the sides of her face again. Kissing her like it was the last time. She was gasping, trying to breathe, so I did for her…
Carrying her to the bed, I made love to her for the rest of day, over and over again till the sun fell behind the horizon of the hills. Darkness settled over us, taking away our last hours as a storm rolled by. Mimicking our minds. We watched the droplets of water running down the windows with the eerie moon, peaking through. The sound of the rain took both of us under, falling asleep in one another’s arms, but whenever she woke up I was gone.
It was simply the only way, I could ever leave her behind.
FORTY
NOAH
Walking in unannounced, I called for her. “Ma, you ready?”
“Just about. Give me five more minutes!” she shouted from her bedroom.
“You have the air on in here? Damn.”
It was hot as Hell outside. North Carolina was always humid as fuck during the summer, but I swear in the last four years since I moved back to Southport from L.A., it was getting hotter and hotter every season.
Using the back of my arm, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and made my way into Ma’s kitchen. Knowing she’d have some sort of fresh pitcher to drink, sitting in her fridge. She always did. Chugging half of the iced tea I found right from jug, I reached over and grabbed the remote off her counter. Turning on the TV in the living room.
Hollering, “Ma! Hurry up! You said you’d be ready at six. It’s six-twenty.”
“I know, honey! But don’t give me grief! Your momma’s just getting all dolled up for you!”
I smiled, chuckling, but it was quickly replaced as soon as I caught her face from the corner of my eyes on the television screen. Even after all this time, all these years, she still haunted me every fucking day from the moment I left her.
“And if the weather isn’t catching your attention then this definitely will. Hollywood’s shining star Skyler Bell is back in the spotlight this week,” the news reporter announced, stirring emotions deep down in my core.
Just the mere sound of her name caused an adrenaline rush to course through every inch of my body. I stood there in a frozen state of shock with my heart in my fucking stomach, hoping she was okay.
Feeling as though she wasn’t before the reporter even revealed, “It seems Skyler Bell has checked herself into a rehab facility for, ‘exhaustion’, apparently,” she exclaimed, using finger quotes in the air.
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” I said to myself, sitting on the couch. Turning up the volume, needing to know what the hell was going on.
“Skyler Bell was reported, exiting a private plane at the Kahului Airport last Friday. Upon wrapping up her latest movie which is due out sometime around Christmas. The twenty-seven-year-old renowned Oscar winning actress and triple platinum artist, has more than made a name for herself in the industry for over a decade. Since her breakthrough role as Roxie Hart in the remake of the movie Chicago. Directed by legendary producer, Martin Addington. From there she went on to make several more movies that smashed box office records, her top grossing one brought in over forty million dollars on opening day. Nothing can stop this actress/singer.”
I nodded, “No shit, lady. Not even me,” adding my own commentary.
“When she wasn’t on set, she was off recording her next hit album. Between her world tour, promoting her first album and returning to the studio right after, she had little to no downtime. Immediately starting on her next album which is due out in the fall. We can clearly see why she’d be exhausted.”
“For fuck’s sake, Cutie. You haven’t even takin’ a second to breathe.?
??
“In the last year alone, Skyler has been honored with her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. No one deserves the recognition more than her, it’s been a long time coming that’s for sure. Skyler Bell is the hardest working woman in the industry. Her Forbes magazine cover alone proved that, stating she’s the youngest celebrity in history to have a network over a billion dollars at the mere age of twenty-seven-years-old.”
“Goddamn, baby. I wonder how much Keith has acquired from you workin’ your life away?”
“The young entrepreneur has also started her own charity for children who have lost a parent, donating hundreds of thousands of dollars of her own money to get it started. Raising over two million dollars the first year it was up and running. This charity is very near and dear to her heart, and she personally handles the funds, along with knowing who has contributed to her cause. If you’d like to donate, the link is on our website or call the number on the bottom of the screen. We’ll be back with Ryan after the commercial break, he has more on the story as it uncovers.”
Without giving it a second thought, I dialed the number on the screen and donated a very generous amount under the name Rebel. At the end of the call, her voice came over the receiver and it was the sweetest fucking sound I’d heard in a long time.
“Thank you so much for your donation. You have just helped one of many children around the world, struggling to follow their dreams. Thank you again, and have a blessed day.”
The line went dead, and I fought the desire not to call again, just to torture myself a little more. Instead, I threw my phone on the coffee table, resting my elbows on my knees, focusing back onto the TV screen for what they had to share next.
The man I assumed was Ryan appeared. “I’ve known Skyler Bell for years and she’s never been anything but lovely, courteous, professional. It isn’t any wonder why she’s Hollywood’s shining star. We absolutely adore her here at E, as do millions of you watching at home. I truly wish I had better news to report, Kat, but that’s not the case as of right now.”
Pictures of Skyler took over the screen as the male reporter continued with more developing information. A few of her posing with her Hollywood Star, smiling big and wide at the cameras. More pictures surfaced from her tour, singing on stage and shots with random fans, signing autographs. Video footage of her walking the red carpet, stopping every few seconds for pictures.