One thing I knew for sure…
I fucking hated school.
I sat in my freshman Psych class not paying any attention to the lecture, too distracted checking out the chick sitting one row below me in the auditorium. Her tits were on full display, making me want to bury my face in them and motorboat the shit out of her.
I grinned, biting the edge of my lip.
The best thing about college was the pussy and parties. The rest was just kind of a blur. I barely ever went to class, too hungover from the night before to give a shit about anything before noon.
That’s when my day started, most of the time I woke up alone, but I never went to sleep that way.
Not that we slept…
After the accident, I had a lot of time to make up for staying in the goddamn hospital for a month. Not to mention the countless fucking hours of physical therapy that followed shortly after my stay. I wasn’t miraculously cured, my back still hurt like a son of a bitch whenever I worked out.
Thank God for pain pills.
My hair had grown back, covering the massive scar I had from surgery. I grew out my facial hair to cover the ones on my face. The only visible scar was a small one down my eyebrow, glass sliced right through the hair and left me with a missing patch. I had some wicked marks on my arms, back, chest, and legs, which I was self-conscious about at first. They were my motivation to start a daily regimen of working out at the gym like my life depended on it.
I accepted the fact that they were a part of me now, forever etched into my skin.
A daily reminder that I’d fucked up.
To my surprise the scars got chicks all hot-and-bothered, something about making me look like a bad boy. They were on me like bees on honey.
College was like sex Heaven on steroids. Chicks liked to experiment, they wanted to embrace their sexuality or some bullshit and I had no problem being their fucking subject.
I had missed so many days of my senior year after the accident that I had to take summer classes to graduate. They let me walk with my class though. I didn’t give a shit about any of it, I did it because it made my family and Half-Pint happy to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma. My mom hung it proudly in her office, saying that my college diploma would go right next to it someday.
It was just another piece of paper that I could wipe my ass with as far as I was concerned. That’s how much school meant to me.
The boys and I saw each other here and there, but not nearly as much as we used to.
So much had changed.
So much had happened.
I spent my freshman year in the dorms instead of living with them. The plan had been to move in with them after graduation since they planned on getting a bigger apartment for all of us.
That was shot to shit real quick.
“Jacob and Dylan may have forgotten what the fuck you did, Austin, but I haven’t. And I won’t,” Lucas argued during my graduation party.
I didn’t say anything because what could I say to that. He was right.
“Lucas, calm the fuck down. He fucked up. He knows it. With the hours of community service, the legal fees, and his license being suspended for a year, not to mention the physical scars, I think it’s enough of a daily reminder for him,” Dylan intervened, holding him back with his forearm.
“He almost fucking killed her! She was in a goddamn coma!” He shoved Dylan’s arm away, pointing at me. “You stay the fuck away from, Alex. Do you understand me? Stay the fuck away from her!”
“I can’t do that,” I countered, not backing down.
He stepped closer to me. Our faces were an inch apart. Dylan and Jacob standing right beside us, waiting to step in.
“You may not remember what you did. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a fuck up,” he gritted out. “We give you one thing to do! One fucking thing! Take care of her. Just take care of her. It was fucking simple! You couldn’t even do that! I’m tired of making excuses for you. You’re lucky I don’t bury you alive.”
I held my chin higher. “So much for being brothers, Lucas.”
He scoffed, shaking his head. “You’re not my brother.”
I looked him up and down.
He stepped away from me, adding, “Not anymore.”
I swallowed hard, blinking away the hurt I felt in my heart.
“Give him time, Austin. He’ll come around,” Dylan coaxed.
I nodded.
“Dylan’s right. You know Lucas… he’s hotheaded and stubborn as all hell. When he’s ready, he’ll forgive you. He’ll get past this. ”
“Have you?” I blurted, already knowing the answer.
They both looked at each other and then back at me, the truth written clear across their faces.
“Exactly.”
“Hi,” the girl with the tits from class greeted, pulling me away from my thoughts as I walked out into the parking lot.
I glanced over at her and she smirked, playing with the ends of her hair. I immediately envisioned pulling it while I was balls deep inside her. Gripping it back by the nook of her neck as I fucked her doggy style.
My cock twitched.
“Hey there.” I smiled.
“You want to hang out?” she asked, doing that thing chicks do with their lips. A pout that she seemed to have perfected, making me wonder what they would feel like wrapped around my cock.
“I have some weed back at the sorority house. We could smoke, talk, you know… whatever.”
I was about to say something when my phone rang. I grabbed it out of my pocket to see who was calling me. Alex’s smiling face illuminated the screen.
“He almost fucking killed her! She was in a goddamn coma!”
I hit ignore.
“Lead the fuckin’ way, sweetheart.”
Briggs
Alejandro Martinez.
I never understood the importance of a name. It wasn’t until after that night three months ago that I learned that names carry a heavy load.
The connotation behind a name, and not just any name…
My name.
Martinez.
“Damn! I love your hair,” the girl behind the counter all but screamed as I walked into the tattoo shop. “How did you get such a vibrant purple? Oh my God! I would kill for that!”
I ignored her compliment and looked around the room, stopping when I spotted the guy in the back corner covered in tattoos. When he felt my gaze on him, he peered up and we locked eyes. I internally smiled.
I recognized those eyes.
I walked toward him, never breaking our connection. The tattoo business card that I found on my uncle’s desk safely hidden in my pocket.
If you wanted to know the truth about someone…
The secrets that lurk in their dark corners.
What they’re feeling… what they want… what they need…
The depths of their soul.
Just look them in the eyes.
They never fucking lie.
I handed him the piece of paper that I had clutched in my tight grasp. He took it from me and looked it over, jerking his neck back with a fascinated regard.
“You want this tattooed?” he asked. His gaze still intently placed on the drawing in his hand.
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“From the nook of my neck, down the center of my back, stopping in the middle.” I pointed to the sketch. “These I want on each of my shoulder blades, cascading down the sides of my entire back.”
He shook his head, mockingly. “Sweetie, this is an intricate tattoo. The detailed outline will take several hours, not to mention several sessions to do the color and shading. The pain alone can be unbearable.” He handed me back my drawing. “How about just a butterfly or something?”
I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at him. “I got nothing but time, sweetie.”
He arched an eyebrow. “How old are you?”
“Old enough.”
“O
h yeah?” He nodded at me. “Let me see your ID.”
“Alejandro Martinez is my ID.”
His eyes widened, it was quick but I saw it. I knew he would recognize the name, having an appearance of a man who was just released from prison.
“And trust me, he won’t give a fuck,” I added.
He stood up and gestured toward the chair in front of him. I sat down, waiting for him to get suited up. It didn’t take long for him to have everything ready. Pulling over the curtain to give us some privacy, he laid down the table and patted it.
“You can change in the bathroom. I have a smock in there you can use, just leave the opening in the back.”
I smiled, grabbing the hem of my shirt.
“I'm not shy, I don't need the bathroom. Be a gentleman and turn around.”
He smiled back at me, spinning the chair that he was sitting in. I threw my shirt and bra on the counter and laid face down on the table. I heard his movements and the sliding of his chair on the tile floor. I felt his warm hands, rubbing alcohol all over my back.
“This your first tattoo, little girl?”
“I don’t know, is it yours, big boy?”
He softly laughed behind me. The vibration causing my back to stir.
“You sure about this? Once the needle hits your skin. There’s no going back.”
I looked at his reflection through the mirror to my right and then back at my own reflection and said,
“There’s no going back for me. Only forward.”
Chapter 11
Austin
I got kicked out of the dorms a few months into my sophomore year of college for smoking pot. I was surprised that it took that damn long for the resident advisor to smell it coming out of my room. It was just some damn weed. It comes from the earth for God’s sake. It was already legal in several states.
I didn’t understand why I was getting so much flack for it. The parents on the other hand, lost their shit because of this.
I moved into Dylan and Jacob's apartment, as Lucas happened to be moving back to Oak Island. His mom was diagnosed with stage three-breast cancer, and he’d ended up knocking up some chick.
It took everything inside of me to bite my goddamn tongue, knowing the news nearly killed Alex.
Karma’s a bitch.
We all took the news of his mom getting cancer pretty bad. I was the last one to find out. They waited until I was visiting to sit me down and tell me. It was Lily’s, Lucas’s baby sister, sixteenth birthday. For some fucked up reason they thought that was the best time to tell me. I barely let the news settle before I called up some random friends that night and got shitfaced at The Cove downtown.
The night was full of fucking surprises.
Just one right after the other.
Dylan and Jacob promised Alex we would come visit her in California for spring break. Between the news of Lucas’s mom and his bundle of joy being born soon, she needed her boys. At least that’s what she told them. It was her freshman year of college. She was living with Aubrey in an apartment, both of them attending UCLA. The same college Cole was attending.
Which was more than just a coincidence, even though she said he had nothing to do with it, and the sad part was…
I believed her.
We left Half-Pint’s apartment before sunrise our last day in California to go surfing. We rented some boards for the day, since we didn’t have ours. I hadn’t been on a surfboard since before the accident. It was the best feeling in the world. I loved being back on a board, watching the sun come up. There was nothing else in the world that compared to being out in the water when no one else was around. Watching life just come awake right before your eyes. It was the most peaceful feeling. Once the sun came up, a light breeze kicked up, causing the wind to blow against my face. Tasting the salt water and sand. Being one with Mother Nature and all her glory.
By noon my back was killing me, the throbbing sensation radiated everywhere and all at once, almost crippling me. I barely made it back to the shore, the white water had to drag me back in. I actually had to lay there against the current. The pain was unbearable. My back spasms were so fucking bad. I didn’t think I would be able to move again.
“What the fuck you doin’?” Dylan asked, hovering above me with his board under his arm.
“Relaxing,” I simply stated, glaring up at him through silted eyes.
He reached out his hand to help me up and I grunted in pain, leaning over once I stood.
“You alright?”
“Just fuckin’ peachy,” I rasped out.
I stood, breathing through the pain. In and out, steadying my body in an upright position.
“Austin, you’re not going to your physical therapy anymore, and you’re popping those painkillers like fuckin’ candy. It’s masking your pain, it’s not fixin’ it.”
“Jesus Christ, man. It’s not even noon yet and you’re on my balls. You guys don’t fucking get it, you don’t know what it feels like after that physical therapy bullshit. I can barely walk and I’m in bed for days after one session. I can barely take a goddamn piss without holding myself up against the wall.”
“No shit. But the more you do it, the easier it will get.”
“You want to hold my cock too, McGraw? Would that make you feel better? Last time I checked you didn’t have a medical degree and you hadn’t flown out the window of a fucking car,” I argued.
“Who’s fault is that, Austin?” he spewed, regretting his words immediately.
“This was a good talk. I’ll see you back at Alex’s apartment.”
I took a cab back to Half-Pint’s place, leaving the boys to surf some more. I hadn’t gotten my license back yet, not that it mattered. I wouldn’t be able to drive in my current state of pain. By the time I flagged down a cab, I was seeing stars from the severity of the throbbing. Of course I didn’t bring enough painkillers with me either. I honestly didn’t think surfing would take me down like that.
I paid the driver and slowly made my way into her apartment. As soon as I opened the door, the sound of someone moaning tore through the foyer. At first I thought it was Aubrey, but she barely left her room, avoiding Dylan like the plague. They’d broken up suddenly almost two years ago, and things were still awkward between the two of them.
“Cole, you have to stop, we can’t do this right now.”
I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I heard her voice. All the blood drained from my face.
“The boys could come back any second. I don’t want them to find out this way,” Alex pretty much panted every word.
“They’re surfing, darlin, just lay back and enjoy what I do to you.”
My feet moved on their own accord. There was no stopping it. Her door was cracked open and what I saw was almost as crippling as the pain in my back. Cole was on his knees on the side of her bed, his face buried between Alex’s legs.
I scoffed, backing away from the door before they heard me. I’d never be able to look at Alex the same way again. My heart broke a little more that day. Any illusions I had all these years were shattered in that moment, and it wasn’t because of Bo or Alex. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was never a choice.
I wasn’t even in the running.
I was never good enough.
I took a quick shower, downed some painkillers, and got the fuck out of there. The last two nights I had hooked up with some random chick. As luck would turn out, she loved my cock and welcomed me with open arms when I knocked on her door.
All I wanted to do was forget, so I spent the entire day wrapped up in her pussy.
Doing just that.
“You going to the fraternity party tonight?” she asked, laying her head on my chest.
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted was to be around Cole, Alex, and the good ol’ boys. I wouldn’t mind staying right where I was, going another few rounds with her.
She peeked up at me through her lashes. “You want to have some fun tonigh
t?”
I grinned, thinking she read my mind and was talking about fucking again.
She rolled over and grabbed something out of her nightstand drawer. She placed two blue pills with an engraved star stamp on my chest.
We locked eyes.
“You want to fuck like a God?”
She swallowed the two pills that were in her hand and before I could answer, she ordered, “Open your mouth and follow me down the rabbit hole. I promise to be gentle,” she purred.
My mouth parted, answering the question for me. I swallowed back the pills and waited...
****
“What are you on, Austin?” Alex asked, sitting on the hood of her car. I stood in front of her keeping my distance.
My eyes were so fucking dilated. I had a hard time focusing on her face and not on the streetlights behind her. Everything was breathing, thriving, and vivid. I couldn’t focus on more than one thing without my eyes twitching and my body feeling alive. Like I had woken up for the first time, like I was living for the first time, like I was seeing clearly for the first time. The thought alone made me take a breath from the sensations that coursed through my blood.
After the chick and I fucked each other’s brains out, she wanted to check out the party. I just wanted to move, I couldn’t stand still. I walked into the party for a few minutes and walked right back out as soon as Alex and the boys walked in. There was no escaping them.
My back didn’t hurt.
My heart didn’t hurt.
Nothing fucking hurt anymore.
“Just weed, Half-Pint, relax. You sound as bad as the boys,” I stated.
It didn’t take long for her to follow me outside.
“I’m worried about you,” she coaxed.
I laughed. Yeah, you looked so fucking worried about me while Cole was eating you out.
“Don’t be, I’m fine.” I leaned in close to her face and spewed, “Now, you and Cole? You fucking him, Alex?” Having no filter.
The drugs had taken over, and I welcomed the feeling with open arms. Spending way too many years keeping my mouth shut for everyone else.