“You’re a strong woman.” He took my hand in his. “I’m so sorry about your parents.”
“And they died in a car crash, by the way.” I sighed. “They were driving to Miami to see me. They wanted to surprise me for my birthday. I was surprised all right.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Zane looked at me in concern.
“It was a semi-truck.” I wrinkled my nose. “The driver was texting and cut across the interstate. The police told me they died instantly. That gives me some peace of mind that they weren’t in pain.”
“How long ago was this?”
“About a year and two months ago.” I bit my lip. I had been devastated, unable to function. And when Justin had dumped me, I had felt like my world was caving in on me. I had thought that I would never escape the pain that consumed me and kept me in my bed for days. And I had vowed that I would never again give myself to a man who didn’t truly love me and want me. My heart, body, and soul was too precious to give away lightly. But at least I was still open for love, I thought to myself. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be so crushed that love would never be an option in my life. I couldn’t imagine what amount of pain would make someone never want to feel love ever again. Or maybe the problem was that he had never really experienced love. Maybe he didn’t know what he was missing.
“That was pretty recent.” He paused. “I guess we’ve both been through the ringer and back.”
“I guess so.”
“You’re a special girl, Lucky. I know I’ve told you that before but I want you to understand how much I mean it. I’ve never really met anyone like you before.”
“You don’t really know me.” I laughed, slightly delirious and uncomfortable at his words.
“I’ve watched you for months in the restaurant.” He smiled. “You are always happy, always friendly. I’ve heard you talking with your co-workers, giving them advice, taking shifts. You’ve always been pleasant when you’ve seen me, even though I take a different girl in there every week.”
“I understand why now.”
“No, no you don’t.” He frowned. “But that’s okay. You don’t need to know.”
“Okay.” I pulled my hand away from him. I was hurt by his words. It seemed to be a one-way street with him. I was always open with my feelings and thoughts, but he always seemed to have something to hold back. I wanted him to tell me about Noah, I wanted him to open up about the things he tried so hard to keep inside. But I didn’t want to force him. I wanted him to want to tell me those things. My heart hurt slightly as I sat there. I was falling for Zane Beaumont and I knew there was no way we could ever have a happy ending.
“Lucky, I may not be Mr. Wonderful and I can’t give you everything you deserve in a boyfriend, but I can be your friend. I want to be your friend.” He took a deep breath and his eyes looked so serious that I felt my body tremble at the intensity of his words. “I think we have a special connection, you and I. And yes, I’m attracted like hell to you, and yes, I want to make sweet love to you, but it’s more than that. I want to be here for you. I can’t give you my heart and I don’t want yours, but I want to be there for you. In as many ways as you will let me.”
As he stopped talking, I felt my heartbeat racing faster and faster, as if it were trying out for a position in a Formula One racing team. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him. One part of me wanted to reach over and kiss him and tell him that I never wanted to let him go, but another part of me was cognizant of the fact that he had clearly told me that I would never have his heart and that he didn’t want me to fall in love with him either. There was no future in a relationship between the two of us. After everything I had been through, I didn’t know if I could survive being in a relationship with Zane that would never go anywhere. But he’s never known love, a little birdie whispered in my ear. Maybe if you show him what it means to be in love, maybe then he’ll change his mind.
“Did I scare you, Lucky?” Zane looked at me with worry in his eyes, and I shook my head.
“No. I’m just thinking.”
“Not about being my sub again? Do I have to buy a paddle to get an answer out of you?” He joked at me with twinkling eyes and I burst out laughing.
“You better not buy a paddle. I don’t think my behind could take it.”
“Just my hand then?” He winked and I lightly slapped his arm.
“I’m not really sure what you are asking of me.” I spoke lightly, unsure of myself.
“I don’t really know either.” He sighed. “I guess I just want to see what happens?”
“Won’t it be weird? Me working for you, living with you, and kind of seeing you?”
“Only if we let it be weird.”
“I guess.” I bit my lip. I wanted to ask him about the other girls, but I was scared. It wasn’t like he was asking to be my boyfriend. But I had to know. “Will we be dating other people?”
“I can’t answer that for you.” He rubbed his face. “However, if you are sleeping in my bed. I will not stand for you to be f**king another man.”
“Zane.” I looked around the airplane, mortified that someone may have heard his crude language.
“I don’t share.” He spoke softer this time. “I want your body all to myself.”
“So you think you’re going to have my body?”
“Only if you want me to.”
“Okay.” I laughed at the look on Zane’s face as he heard my response.
“Just okay? No yes or no?”
“I have to think about it.” I smiled. “Now, can I watch my movie?”
“I suppose, seeing as it’s been a long day, you can watch your movie.”
“Why thank you, kind sir, I do appreciate it.” I spoke in my Southern accent again.
“I’m glad you find it agreeable, ma’am.” Zane laughed and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “A man, such as myself, likes a woman to be soft and pliant.” He whispered in my ear, and before I could respond indignantly, he was kissing me. I kissed him back, passionately and closed my eyes. I could get used to these moments, I thought.
Chapter 9
“Welcome to Los Angeles.” Zane grinned at me as he pulled into a parking space.
“I can’t believe you let me sleep the drive away. I didn’t see a thing.” I yawned as I stretched in my seat.
“You needed your beauty sleep.”
“I guess so.” I stepped out of the car and looked at the building in front of me. It looked like a grand Spanish house. “You said you live in a condo?”
“It doesn’t look like a condo, does it?” He grinned.
“No. It doesn’t.”
“I decided to bring you to my casa in Los Feliz instead.” He grabbed the bags and I followed him to the front door.
“Why?” I was puzzled at the change in destination.
“No reason.” He opened the big wooden door and I followed him inside. I was immediately struck at how different the interior of this home was to his place in Miami. The floors were a golden brown hardwood that ran from the front door all the way to the French doors at the end of the large room. From the front of the house, I could see the garden outside, and it looked lush and green with different plants and flowers. The lights at the back coupled with the moonlight made his garden look magical. “Welcome to my home.” Zane put the bags down and ushered me in properly.
“Thanks.” My voice was small as I took in my surroundings. I was in awe at just how perfect his home was. There was a large white couch to the immediate right of me and it had bright orange throw pillows that seemed to accent the cream and orange rug on the floor. There was a huge fireplace to the right of the rug and on top of the mantelpiece there were little ornaments. There were paintings all along the walls, but I didn’t recognize any of them from any of my art classes or trips to museums.
“Do you like?” Zane asked me quietly and I could sense that he was really interested in my opinion.
“I really really love it, Zane.” I gushed. “It’s so different from your place in Miami.”
“That’s really Noah’s place.” He explained. “This is my house. I chose it and designed it. This is my style. I’ve never really brought anyone here before.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He shuffled his feet nervously. “I usually take everyone to the condo I share with Noah. It’s in Burbank.”
“Oh okay.” I offered him a small smile, while inside, I was beaming. This had to mean something, right? He had taken me to his real home and not the home that he has on show.
“Would you like a tour?” He seemed unsure and that uncertainty endeared me to him even more. He was like a little boy showing off his favorite toy. My heart went out to him when I realized that he likely never had a great childhood and that his image of the world had been shaped by events that had occurred in his life when he was six.
“I would love a tour. What are we waiting for?” I linked my arm through his and smiled up at him enthusiastically.
“Well this is my living room.”
“Who did the paintings?”
“I’m involved with a hospital that does research on children with cancer. These are some of the children’s paintings.”
“Wow. They are amazing.” I looked at the paintings and was blown away by the talent of the children and the fact that Zane had hung their images in frames on his walls.
“The ornaments on the mantle-frame are keepsakes I’ve gotten from my travels.”
“Do you like to travel a lot?”
“I did.” He paused. “My father used to take us all over the world with him when we were younger. He had a lot of movie releases in other countries.”
“That must have been fun.”
“It was a great way to learn about other cultures and people. Many of the guys I know, all they care about is their own small microcosm—it’s all about movies or parties. There’s more to the world than having a good time.”
“I agree.”
“But that’s a conversation for another time. This is my dining room, I got the table, solid wood by the way, shipped from India.”
“It’s gorgeous.”
“The chairs aren’t very comfortable, I’m afraid.” He laughed. “I have to get them replaced.”
“At least they are pretty to look at.”
“Who know that metal chairs would be so uncomfortable?”
“Not me.”
“And through here is the kitchen. Some people don’t like white cabinetry, but I love it, I think it looks so fresh and clean. I got the hardware at Anthropologie.”
“I didn’t know guys knew about Anthropologie.”
“Oh I didn’t. A girl I was dating at the time took me in one day and I ended up finding quite a few pieces that I liked.”
“Oh, that’s cool.” I tried to ignore the knotting jealousy in my stomach. What girl, I thought to myself. Was she his girlfriend?
“And of course all stainless steel. And a gas oven.”
“Do you cook a lot then?”
“No.” He laughed again. “I’ve thought about getting a cook though.”
“I can cook for you if you want. I really enjoy cooking.”
“That would be great, if you didn’t mind, of course.”
“I wouldn’t mind at all.”
“Awesome. Well let’s go upstairs. Let me show you the bedrooms.”
“Oh we aren’t going to go outside?” I pointed to the French doors.
“We can go later. Maybe we can even go for a swim.”
“You have a pool here?” I said excitedly.
“Of course.” He grabbed my hand and we ran up the stairs. It was really light and spacious with a lot of windows. I was pleased to see carpet on the floors. I like hardwood a lot, but there is something about having carpet in the bedrooms that makes you feel more comfortable and at home.
“Let’s go to my room first.” He winked and I followed him to a door at the end of the hallway. I walked in slowly and looked around carefully to see what I could figure out about him from his room. I was surprised that he had a queen size bed in the center of his room, and directly opposite from it, there was a 42-inch flat screen TV hanging on the wall. His nightstand only contained a lamp and a book, and his duvet was a navy blue shiny color that I hated. I looked to the corner of the room and saw a huge bay window. Next to the window, was a small bookshelf, with well-tousled books that looked like they had been read and there was a huge chest of drawers against the wall. I walked over to the bookshelf to see what books he read and was pleasantly surprised to see the names of authors I loved and enjoyed as well.
“What’s your favorite book?” I asked him curiously.
“My favorite? That’s hard.” He paused. “But my top three would have to be Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky, For Whom The Bell Tolls by Hemingway, and Paradise Lost by Milton.”
“Nice choices.”
“What about you?”
“Well, I have to admit, I have a bit of an eclectic taste.” I laughed. “I love A Tale of Two Cities by Dickens, I preferred The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, and of course my absolute all time favorite is Little Women by Alcott.”
“Classics.” He grinned.
“Yeah, but I also love books like Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire and as you know, I’ve read Fifty Shades, and I enjoyed it.”