***
“I hope you like tacos.” Braydon grinned as we drove up to a tacqueria. “They aren’t expensive, but they sure taste good.”
“I love tacos.” I laughed, surprised at how at ease I felt with him.
“Shall we try one of each?” He asked, licking his lips. His hair had started to grow back and he looked surprisingly sexy.
“I don’t know if I can eat that many tacos.” I shook my head.
“I’ll finish all the ones you can’t eat.” He grabbed my hand and led me to a table. “Sit here and I’ll go order.”
“Okay.” I sat down and looked around me. There was nothing impressive about this hole-in-the wall Mexican restaurant and that was why I loved it. Braydon could have taken me anywhere to try and impress me. I had been expecting a swanky place in Beverly Hills or Hollywood, but he had taken me to a gritty part of Korea Town and we were sitting at an old wooden table. I realized that I didn’t really know Braydon. He was turning out to be a guy I would never have associated with a big-time Hollywood star.
“Okay, here we go. We have carnitas, lengua, carne asada, shrimp, fish, and chicken.” He carried the plates back to the table in a delicate balancing act.
“That’s a lot of food, but they all look delicious.” I reached out, grabbed a shrimp taco, and took a bite. “Oh my, this is amazing.” I laughed as sauce ran down my chin. “Oops.” I grabbed a tissue and wiped it away, and Braydon laughed.
“I’m glad you like them. This is my favorite place in LA.”
“Really?” I was even more surprised.
“Yeah, Noah and I used to come here every other day.” He laughed. “Good times man.”
“So what happened to Noah?” I questioned, deliberately keeping my voice light. “I know that he passed away, but what happened?”
Braydon froze as he was eating and his brown eyes turned dark. “Zane told you he died?”
I nodded silently.
“Wow, I’m surprised. He never talks about Noah.” He wiped his mouth, and took a sip of his Horchata drink. “Noah was one of my best friends you know. Zane always hated that. I think that’s where the jealousy started.”
“Because you two were friends?”
“Because I kind of took him away from Zane. Since their mom left them, it was kind of them against the world, but then Noah started branching out. He wanted a life outside of the Beaumont walls, you know. He was flash and cool. But he also had a softer side. Zane is just intense and crazy all the time.”
“Not all the time.” I frowned. “He can be light and happy at times too.”
“Wow, you really drank the Kool Aid, huh?” Braydon grabbed my hand. “I don’t need to know what happened with you and Zane, I don’t actually want to know. But trust me when I tell you, he is not a good guy. He’s not like us, Lucky. He can’t just enjoy life and be happy.”
I sighed at his words. “I just don’t understand. Did Noah commit suicide or something?”
“No.” Braydon jumped up. “Hold on, I need to get some more napkins and water.” I watched as he walked away quickly, and sighed when two teenage girls ran up to him, gushing and asking for his autograph. I didn’t understand the secrecy behind Noah’s death. Why did no one want to talk about it? I knew how hard it was to open up after a loved one has died. I didn’t want to talk about my parents for months, but if someone asked me what happened, I wasn’t hesitant or secretive. I saw Braydon signing one of the teenage girls’ t-shirts and picked up my phone to check the time. I groaned when I saw five missed calls and three texts from Zane, demanding to know where I was and if I was okay. “I would hardly be able to text you back if I wasn’t okay.” I mumbled to myself. I pushed my phone back into my bag without answering any of his texts. I was 22 years old and Zane was not my keeper. Let him go jump off a cliff or something I told myself. I couldn’t keep up with him and his moods. And I didn’t think I wanted to know if he had only used me to get back at Braydon.
“Sorry about that. Those girls asked for my autograph.” Braydon stood at the table. “I’m really sorry about this, but do you mind if I take you home now? I have something I need to do.”
“No problem.” I jumped up. “I should be getting back. By the way, did you find out if Angelique got home okay?”
“Angelique?” Braydon looked at me in surprise. “She’s a big girl. I’m sure she got home fine.”
“She was really sick.” I frowned. “You—”
“Shit, what did she say?” He leaned towards me angrily. “Did she say I gave her something? She’s lying. I’m not—”
“Stop.” I help up my hand in confusion. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Oh. Sorry. Forget what I said.”
“What did she take yesterday?” My mind started churning. “Is that why she was sick? Was she on something?”
“How am I supposed to know?” He snapped and he drove off while I was still buckling my seatbelt.
“Did you guys take drugs before you came over?” My voice rose. “You were acting pretty weird last night as well.”
“If you mean, did we smoke some pot, then yeah. Doesn’t everyone?”
“I don’t.” I frowned and bit my lip. “You guys weren’t high on weed. I’m in college, remember? I’m around potheads every day.”
“Lucky. You’re starting to annoy me.” Braydon’s sweet tone was gone. “I thought you were a cool girl and I came all the way from Miami to make sure you were okay.”
“I never told you to come,” I protested, now irritated.
“I’m looking for a wife. Someone who is ready to commit. I thought when we first met that you were a possibility, but I don’t think you are. Zane has poisoned you obviously. I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore.”
“Whoa, what just happened here?” I looked at him like he was crazy. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I’m not even interested in you like that, Braydon. And that has nothing to do with Zane. You came on way too strong. You’re a nice enough guy, but you will never have my heart.”
“I don’t want your heart.” He laughed manically. “You’re not cut out for our crowd, Lucky. Take my advice, leave Los Angeles and go back to Miami. Zane is going to eat you up and chew you out. And you’re going to find your heart ripped out and dumped on the side of the road. And you know what? You’re going to have no one to blame but yourself.”
I bit my lip and looked out the window as he continued driving. I wasn’t going to respond to his vile comments. Braydon’s true personality was coming out and it wasn’t pretty. I was so glad that I had chosen Zane over him—even if Zane couldn’t commit and was just using me for some sort of sick revenge plot.
“Thanks for the ride.” I jumped out of the car and slammed the door without looking back. I ran up to Zane’s front door and paused as I realized I didn’t have keys to get in. “Fuck.” I muttered and wondered if I should ring the doorbell or call Zane. Before I could even make a decision, the door opened and Zane was standing there in front of me with a furious look on his face.
“Where have you been?” His voice was deceptively low. “I have been calling you all day. I have been going out of my mind with worry for you.”
“I went—”
“And was that Braydon? Didn’t I tell you not to see him? Didn’t I tell you to stay away from him?”
“He just—”
“He’s bad news, Lucky.” He shouted, his nostrils were flaring and his face was red. “I don’t know what else I have to tell you to get it through your skull. He is bad news. I don’t want to have to worry about you as well. I’m already worried about Angelique.”
“I’m sorry I’m not your precious Angelique.” I blurted out, angry at his patronizing tone.
“Are you trying to make me angry, Lucky? Are you trying to make my blood pressure rise?” He sat on the couch and I sat down next to him, hoping he would calm down. “If anything had happened to you ….”
“We just went to lunch, Zane.” I sighed. “I get it, I really do. He’s not a good guy. I saw it today.”
“Oh my God. What did he do?” Zane jumped up. “Did he give you anything?”
“No.” I shook my head. “We just went to get tacos and then he had to leave.”
“He most probably had a dropoff.” Zane said cynically.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He sighed and took a deep breath. “You can’t just leave like that Lucky, I was so worried.”
“Worried about what? I’m a big girl. I can look after myself.”
“I wasn’t worried that you were hurt, Lucky.” He turned towards me. “I was worried that you had left.”
“I would still work on the documentary if I left.”
“Fuck the documentary,” Zane cursed, and paced up and down. “I was scared you left me. I was worried all night, and then this morning, I didn’t know what to say or do. And I had to take Angelique home, and she had to go get some prescriptions. And I hurried back to apologize for how I spoke to you yesterday and you were gone. And my heart constricted. I was so worried. And you didn’t answer your phone. Why didn’t you answer your phone? I thought that you went back to Miami. That maybe you were done with me. That I was too f**ked up for you.” He came and sat back on the couch and stared at me, the intensity in his eyes made them look like shining sapphires. “I don’t want you to leave me, Lucky.”
“You don’t even know me really.” I heard my voice talking, but it didn’t sound like me. “Why would you care if I left?”
“Why would I care?” He laughed bitterly. “Maybe because you’re the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning. You’re the reason why I stayed in Miami for so long. I lived for those dates on Friday. I used to think it was because I was finally getting solid information, but it was because I got to see you. You don’t realize it, but you are such a beautiful and bright human being. Seeing your face every Friday was the highlight of my week.”
“I don’t know what to say.” My heart was soaring at his words, but I was scared to get my hopes up too high.
“When I was younger I used to read this poem by William Wordsworth and—”
“Not ‘I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud’?” I spoke up excitedly.
He nodded. “You know it?”
“I wandered lonely as a cloud, that floats on high o’er vales and hills,” I began.
“When all at once I saw a crowd, a host of golden daffodils,” he continued, and held my hand. “That’s my favorite poem.”
“It’s mine as well.” I said shyly.
“I’m used to it being me against the world. I always had to be strong. I had a brother I had to be strong for. I never wanted him to see me sad or depressed. But I was lonely.”
“I’m sure Noah appreciated it.”
“Noah wanted me to get out there.” He sighed. “Ironically, he wanted me to be weak, he wanted me to open my heart. That’s what he did. He fell in love. Over and over again. And he got his heart broken and he would retreat into himself, but then he would get better. He always got better.”
“A broken heart is a part of life, Zane.” I sighed. “You shouldn’t avoid relationships because you want to avoid pain.”
“It killed him, you know.” Zane’s voice was pained.
“A broken heart killed your brother?” I frowned, very confused. “How?”
“He never got over it. I think this time, he thought she was the one. He was so in love with her that when she dumped him, he needed something else. Something that I couldn’t give him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“He thought he could fly.”
“What?”
“The night he died, he thought he could fly.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He turned to drugs.” Zane sighed. “He was on Angel Dust, you may know it as PCP, and one night, he thought he saw Angelique waiting for him on a cloud, and he jumped off the roof of a building to join her because he thought he could fly.”
“I’m so sorry, Zane.” I squeezed his hand and tears welled in my eyes.
“It’s not your fault.” He sighed. “There are so many things I wish I could change. I wish I had been there for him more, I wish I hadn’t been so closed off. I wish I would have killed Braydon the first time he tried to offer me drugs.”
“Braydon?” my voice rose in surprise.
“That’s why I didn’t want you close to him. Braydon is a drug dealer.” Zane sounded angry.
“But he’s an actor.”
“He doesn’t make enough money to keep up his lifestyle, so he deals drugs as well.” Zane frowned. “I’ve been trying to get enough dirt on him so that he can get prosecuted as a drug trafficker. He’s responsible for my brother’s death.”
“Angelique was your brother’s girlfriend?” I hoped he wasn’t mad that I had changed the subject away from Braydon, but as soon as he had mentioned her name, my heart had stopped.
“Yes. She still feels guilty. That’s why I’ve been so concerned about her. I’m worried she’s going to do something silly.”