Healed (Scarred 2)

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell me I’d make a great dad.”

“You mean lie?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, even if to protect my feelings. I feel like Lexi would have told me I could do anything.”

“I bet she would have.”

“But it’s not true. And it’s a lot of responsibility to live up to.”

“What is?” She took a sip of her drink and I watched as her tongue darted in and out of her mouth as she sipped. Look away, Bryce, I lectured myself, internally. What was I doing? I was not attracted to Anna. I could not let this situation become even more complicated than it was.

“Being the perfect guy. It’s a nice label. But it’s a hell of a lot to live up to.”

“I don’t think anyone thinks you’re the perfect guy anymore, Bryce.” She laughed and I felt like she had slapped me in the face.

“I can be a good guy.”

“I’m sure.” She smiled. “Every guy can be good.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Life is never what we think it’s going to be. And neither are people.”

“You know, Anna, you’re a lot more different than I thought you were as well.”

“Like you ever thought of me before.”

“Sure I have.” I lied, not wanting to make her feel bad.

“No, no you haven’t.” She gave me a half smile. “And that’s okay. Maybe I never wanted to be noticed. I didn’t want to be the poor kid with the dead mom.”

“I’m the poor kid with the dead mom now.”

“Oh Bryce, I’m so sorry.” Her face collapsed as she realized what she had said.

“It’s okay.” And in my heart it was. “I like you, Anna.”

“I like you too, Bryce.”

“Maybe we can go for another shake again soon?”

“I don’t think so.” She shook her head and sighed and I felt a pang of regret at her words. “I don’t want to do this to Lexi. No matter what happens to our friendship.”

“We’re just hanging out.”

“I’d like you to take me home, please.” She stood up and I had an overwhelming urge to beg her to stay with me. “Oh and Bryce, I think you’ll make a fine big brother or dad. You’re a good guy.”

“You’re just saying that ’cos you want a ride home.”

“Maybe.” She laughed and put her arm through mine as we walked out of the restaurant and to my car. “And maybe I think that you’re just a sheep in wolf’s clothing.”

“You say the sweetest things.” I laughed and we drove in silence back to her home. I drove slowly, not wanting to say goodbye. As we got closer to her home, I felt myself feeling emptier and emptier inside.

“Thanks for driving me home.” She looked into my eyes as she took off her seatbelt. “I had a good evening.” She was nearly out of the car when I pulled her towards me.

“Wait.” I grabbed her arm and she looked up at me curiously. I tilted my head down and kissed her urgently. She kissed me back, passionately and I’m surprised at our sexual chemistry. It hadn’t felt like this the night I had been wasted and out of my mind. I felt bereft when she pulled away from me and left my car. I sat there, watching her walk away and I wanted to get out and run up to her. But I knew there’s nothing I could say to make this alright.

I sighed as my phone rang and I was sure it was my dad, calling to discuss the funeral. I was surprised to see Lexi’s name on the screen. I felt a slight dread as I answered the phone. I was so confused about everything.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Her voice was soft. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I’m sorry to drop that bomb on you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay. I understand why you said it.”

“We should talk.”

“Yeah. I think we should talk.” She sounded worried and I felt my breath catch. I couldn’t end it now. Not after everything she’s done for me. Not after she’s loved me soo long. I knew in my heart of hearts that she wasn’t the one. She had made me believe in myself again, but someone else was winning my heart. But I wasn’t going to go back on my word now. I owed her that much. I would stay with her. I would be the man that she needed me to be because that was what I was. I was a man.

Chapter 9

Lexi

I leafed through Bryce’s letters after we got off the phone. It seemed like it had been in another universe when they had meant so much to me. It seemed like a dream world and I had woken up. I was now in my real life and everything felt more real and rawer. I thought that finding true love would heal every hurt in my life. But it hadn’t. I still felt slightly empty inside. I knew it was because of the conversation I’d heard. I didn’t know whom Luke was whispering to, or what it was about, but I knew there was something he wasn’t telling me. That one, one-sided phone call had crushed me. I had been flying high until that moment and now I felt low.

I felt even lower now that I had spoken to Bryce. What sort of person would I be if I were to meet up with him and dump him after his mother had died? I couldn’t be that person. I was all he had left. He loved me. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t feel the same way. Not after everything. Maybe I wasn’t meant to find love.

The man I loved was lying to me. I never thought Luke would lie to me. Or hide things from me. I didn’t want him to throw his life away either. His comments about not going to Boston because of me really distressed me. In another age I would have seen it as the ultimate in love. But now I saw it in a different light. I didn’t want to be the one who was responsible for him not following his dream. But I also knew that I didn’t want to move to Boston.

“Lexi, can I come in?” My mom opened the door before waiting for me to answer.

“What’s up, Mom?”

“I met someone,” she giggled, happily.

“Okay and what about it?” I sighed. Here was another relationship that was going to end in tears and heartache for my mother, I thought.

“He wants to marry me.”

“What?” I shrieked in shock. “How long have you known this guy?”

“He gave me a ring.” She pushed her hand towards my face and a huge diamond on her finger blinded my eyes.

“Mom, I didn’t even know you were dating someone. What’s going on here?”

“I’ve known him for a while.” She giggled.

“Who is it, Mom?” I feel my blood run cold as I think of Bryce’s dad. Please don’t let it be the mayor, please don’t let it be the mayor, I thought to myself.

“Nate Forester,” she giggled.

“Your boss?” I frowned. “I didn’t even know you were dating him.”

“We weren’t, but he loves me and he says that he wants to take care of me.”

“So what are you going to do mom?” I frowned, worried that I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.

“I’m going to move in with him of course. After we get married.”

“What about me?”

“You’re a big girl.” She ruffled my hair.

“What am I supposed to do mom, where am I going to live?”

“You can live here.”

“I can’t afford the rent by myself mom.” I felt like I was about to come apart inside.

“You don’t have to pay rent, silly, we own the house.”

“No, we don’t.” I frowned. “Mom, we pay rent.”

“No, we don’t.” She peered at me curiously and shook her head. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“He gave me the money. He said to use it to buy the house. I thought that was quite rude. I really wanted a new outfit, but he said he spoke to the landlord and asked how much it would cost to buy the house.”

“He gave you the money?” I looked at her in shock.

“Yeah, I figured he felt guilty or something. So I bought the house.”

“Oh my God, Mom. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed. I…” I didn’t hear the rest of her words because I was running out of my house and to my car, with my heart beating fast. Bryce had given my mom the money to buy the house. He must really love me, I thought. I knew he was most probably trying to atone for the hurt his father had put my mother through.

I felt disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe that I had betrayed him like this, when he had been working behind my back to make everything right. I knew that I had to put him first. I had to put him before my own personal feelings. I already knew that it was unlikely that I could be fixed, I was most probably destined for a life of not feeling quite whole, but at least I could be there for him. That would be enough for me. That could be a life I grew to love.

My heart hurt thinking about never being with Luke again. But I knew it was the best for him as well. He needed someone better than me. He needed to go to Boston and follow his destiny. I was only holding him back. And I couldn’t do that. I knew that I loved him enough to set him free. No matter what he was hiding from me, I knew that Luke was the kindest man in the universe. He would always be in my heart, but I knew that Bryce needed me more and I owed him. We were linked together now, forever. He’d put too much out there on the line for me. I couldn’t leave him in his time of need.

***

I drove with the radio off. I didn’t feel too much like singing. As I drove past the psychic’s house, I realized she had taken her signs down from the road and the top of her house. I wondered to myself how she had gotten up there. She seemed a bit too old to be going up a ladder.

I was just about to round the corner, when I saw Luke on the next block up, talking to an older man. I pulled over to the side of the road quickly, thankful for once that I lived in a quiet town that didn’t have much traffic. I watched as the two men talked animatedly. Luke was shaking his head back and forth and he looked upset. I felt something in my stomach tighten. I’d never seen him look so angry before. The man placed an arm on Luke’s shoulder and he shoved it off. I picked up my phone to call Luke to make sure he was okay. I was glad to see that he answered it, instead of just ignoring me. I always knew I could count on Luke.

“Hiya, sweet pea,” he purred into the phone. He was a better actor than I thought. I could see that he was still glaring at the man he was with.

“Hey, I was just thinking about you,” I said, breathlessly.

“I’m glad you called me then.” He paused. “I wanted to talk to you about Boston again.”

“Luke, I don’t want to discuss this right now.” I sighed. “I’m not going to let you not go.”

“Oh Lexi.” I could hear the frustration in his voice. “I never want to be where you aren’t.”

“We can’t always have what we want.” I bit my lip. “Can I come over now so we can talk?”

“I’m just at the store.” He lied easily and I gasped. “But maybe you can come over in about an hour?”

“What are you getting at the store?”

“You know, the usual: chocolates, wine, cookies. Everything you love.”

“Huh—it sounds awfully quiet in Hy-Vee today.”

“Well, you know. Everyone must have gone shopping on Saturday,” he said, smoothly. “But I have to go now. See you later.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”

“I love you, Lexi.”

“I love you too, Luke,” I said, sadly. I couldn’t believe that he had lied to me again. It was as if the universe was telling me that no guy was good and that I should honor my commitment to Bryce, even though we didn’t have any formal commitment really.

I sighed and watched Luke continue talking to the men and then, finally, the man took a folder out of a brown leather bag and handed it to Luke. Luke seemed happy then and shook his hand. I watched him look around quickly before quickly walking back to his car. I sat frozen in my car as he left and watched as the older man walked into a building. As Luke drove off, I put my car into drive again and drove up slowly to see which building the old man had come out from.

I was surprised to see a lawyer’s sign on the front. Why would Luke need to see a lawyer? It had to be something important for him to have looked so anxious and angry. And why would he lie about it? What was it that Luke didn’t want anyone knowing about? And why had he and Bryce been at the hospital together? Had it been a coincidence that they had both been there at the same time? My mind was rambling with questions and I was determined to get some answers.

I looked at my watch and pressed my foot down on the acceleration. I was late. I drove quickly to make up time and arrived at Harpers Creek about fifteen minutes late. Bryce was already out of his car when I got there and I jumped out and ran to the riverbank to meet up with him.

“You made it.” He turned to me with a small smile and we hugged briefly.

“Yeah, sorry. I got held up.”

“No worries. I was just watching the fish.”

“Oh?” I looked into the water but didn’t see anything asides from some dead branches and leaves floating.

“Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a fish? What they must be thinking about. What they think when they see a worm? Do you think they wonder to themselves, I hope this worm doesn’t have a hook attached?”