Disillusioned (Swept Away 2)

“And what you know about Mattias, you think that adds up to me? To who I am as a person? To the man you knew on the island? The man you made love to? The man who opened up to you? All of that adds up?”

“I don’t know you, period.” I shrugged. “I don’t really know who you are. Everything you did and said was a lie.”

“I want to take you in my arms and hold you and just stare at you until you realize that you do know me,” he said with an intensity that I found both frightening and thrilling.

“We’re strangers, Jakob. And I don’t trust you. You don’t know me either. If you did, you would know that—”

“It doesn’t feel like we just met,” he muttered against my lips. “It doesn’t feel like I barely know you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve missed you.” He kissed me softly, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve missed your taste.”

“You can’t just come into my apartment and . . .” I stepped back at his words, my face burning in shame. That was the second time tonight a Bradley brother had told me that he missed my taste. It made me feel slightly powerful, but, if I was honest with myself, a little cheap as well. I stared at his face and my stomach flipped as I studied his handsome features. I wanted to be with him. In fact, part of me believed that it would be helpful to give myself to him in every way. I’d have to be smart about it. I’d have to think with my head and not let my heart get in the way. At the end of the day, sex was just sex. Yes, I wanted him. Yes, there was a chemistry between us that took my breath away. However, I needed to control it. By sleeping with him, I would be telling him I trusted him again. If he thought I trusted him, he might let his guard down a bit more. And the more his guard was down, the more helpful he would be to me. I just had to make sure that I didn’t let the sex take over everything. I had to make sure that I didn’t let my body win. I knew that it would be hard to sleep with him without feeling like a bit of a slut, but I knew that I had to try and hide my disbelief as much as possible and make him believe that I still trusted him in a way. He’d played me, I had no problems or qualms in playing him now.

“Please, Bianca, don’t you feel the need flowing between us? Don’t you feel the heat and power?”

“It’s just lust.” I tried to pull away from him, but I couldn’t. And I wasn’t going to. Let him think that all I needed was his heat and hardness.

“I would never hurt you, Bianca.” He bit down on my lower lip and sucked. “I didn’t lie to you on the island.”

“You told me you didn’t know Mattias. You said you’d never met him. You didn’t let on that David was your brother either. Wouldn’t that have been a fun fact?” I said and sucked on his lower lip, playing my role well. “?‘Ooh, guess what, Bianca? That guy you dated, well, he’s my brother.’?”

“How could I have told you David was my brother? When would have been the right time for that?” Jakob kissed me hard, making it impossible for me to respond. Mentally I knew that there would have been no good time. If I’d known whom I was with, I would have panicked, perhaps run into the jungle. Maybe I’d still be stuck on the island, lost somewhere. “There are so many things you don’t know, Bianca. When we arrived on the island, I had one thought in my mind, and that was to find out the truth about you and your family. I wanted to exact revenge for—”

“You wanted to ‘exact revenge’ on me?” My jaw dropped. “Is this a bad joke? You think you can come and tell me you wanted revenge on me while you try and seduce me on the side? How stupid do you think I am?” My voice was loud and I tried to control it. I didn’t want him to see just how disdainful I was of his responses.

“Bianca, there are things in our parents’ pasts. There are things that your mother did and your father did that cannot be changed. Things that ruined people’s lives. I just wanted to get to the bottom of it all.”

“And you think I should pay for that?” I froze as I remembered something he’d once told me. “Was that why you said something about children paying for the sins of their fathers?”

“That’s how life goes, Bianca.” He grabbed my shoulders. “But I was wrong to play God. I was wrong to just believe—”

“Believe what?” I cut him off angrily. “What do you believe?”

“I believe that I want to touch you.” He fingers pressed into my skin. “I believe that every night since we’ve been apart, I’ve craved your touch. I’ve gone crazy thinking about what I did to you. You have to believe that I . . .” He grabbed my face. “Look at me, Bianca. I need you to look at me.”

“Why? Why should I believe you? What have you done for me that should make me trust you? You’re in my fucking apartment, Jakob. How did you get in here? You’re still sending me freaking messages trying to scare me.”

“What?” He shook his head and his eyes narrowed. “I haven’t sent you any messages.”

“And you changed your name on your letter from Jakob to Mattias.”

“What?” He froze, his blue eyes taking on a fiery light. “I didn’t change anything.”

“Then who?” I shrugged. “You’re the only one who seems to be watching me and breaking into my apartment like some sort of stalker.”