I figured he would call me once he cooled down. Or at least send me a text. But he didn’t. I called him over and over and sent several text messages. He didn’t respond to any of them, and by the time I went to bed that night, his voicemail inbox was full.
By the next afternoon, I still hadn’t heard from him. I called Jesse to ask if he had spoken to him. I was starting to worry that something might have happened to him. But Jesse said he had gotten a message from him just letting him know he was alright and apologizing for leaving the way he did.
At least I could relax knowing he was safe. But now I had to keep waiting to find out how he was really going to react to my news. It was killing me. And at the same time, I was trying to savor these moments before I had that talk with him. At least right now, there was still question. I still had the chance to imagine it didn’t have to go as poorly as I thought it would. There was a possibility everything would be okay.
When trying to talk myself into that didn’t work, I called Stephanie and asked her to meet me for lunch. It occurred to me she didn’t know what happened. I was so wrapped up in waiting to hear from Mason I never let her know.
She and I both went through the elaborate bar to build our salads, then sat at the table in the back corner of the restaurant I had specifically chosen so we could have privacy for the conversation.
“I’m not complaining, but when I made you promise we would get together soon for lunch, I didn’t expect it to be within twenty-four hours,” she said, setting her plate down and sitting.
“Well,” I said, “something happened after you left the restaurant.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. “You told him?”
“Not exactly,” I said.
“What do you mean not exactly?” she asked. “Either you told him, or you didn’t.”
“No. He knows now. But I wasn’t the one who told him.”
I told her the entire story, then sat back and waited for her reaction. She stared at me with a shocked expression for a few seconds.
“So, he’s just gone? He just drove away, and nobody knows where he is?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with him, but he won’t answer me. It’s just like I worried. He’s completely freaking out about becoming a father.”
“Maybe it isn’t the being a dad part that’s freaking him out,” Stephanie said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Maybe he’s just upset that you hid it from him, and that he had to hear it from somebody else,” she said.
“I already explained to you why I hid it from him,” I said.
“I know,” Stephanie said. “And I understand. But Mason might not. He might not get that motivation, especially since he heard it from the bartender, which to him might seem like you were telling a bunch of other people, but just not him. You need to talk to him.”
“I know I need to talk to him,” I said. “But I have no idea where he is or when he’ll be back.”
“Don’t freak out yet,” she said. “Give him a couple more days.”
I nodded my agreement and tried my best to focus on lunch.34MasonAnother twelve-hour drive with only one stop left me exhausted, but I only allowed myself a quick nap when I got back to Oregon. I couldn’t wait any longer to get to Ava. Part of me knew I could just pick up the phone and call her, but that wasn’t an option. There were conversations you just couldn’t have over the phone. I needed to be able to see her, to look into her face and see her eyes when we had this talk.
Once I got up, I didn’t know where to go first. I went back and forth between heading into the bar or going to Ava’s house. I couldn’t make a decision, so I got into the truck and drove. At least this time trusting my subconscious to bring me where I needed to go didn’t end with me showing up in California.
Instead, I looked up and found myself outside of Ava’s apartment. Trusting my subconscious, I went up to the door and knocked. Nervousness clenched around my heart right after I knocked. I had no idea how she was going to respond to me. I felt horrible for what I had done, and she deserved to be furious with me.
At the same time, I had the right to be hurt, as well. We were in a strange place, both of us needing to give and receive apologies. But right at that moment, I was more focused on what I needed to say to her. I was worried she wouldn’t be open to hearing it.