From the very moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I didn’t want Grant to be the father of my child. I didn’t want to share that experience with him. But I wanted my child. That meant it wasn’t really a choice. As soon as I knew Remy was coming, he was my baby, I was his mother, and we were going to be a family. That made me want to be hopeful and optimistic. Maybe my relationship with Grant was over. Maybe he was far from the person I would want to share a child with. But we could work it out. For the baby’s sake, we could figure it out. It didn’t have to turn into a battle.
I never would have imagined something like this would happen. But there was nothing I could do about it. That night was the first night of my fight, and I had to remember that in every decision that I made. Including not picking up the beer I really wanted and instead brewing a pot of coffee and sitting down to consider my options.
Monday night, Nick called me to talk over everything that happened. He made me promise not to contact Grant at all. He said I shouldn’t speak to him, text him, try to see him, anything. When I saw the papers saying Grant was trying to take away any visitation right at all and completely exclude me from my son’s life, all I wanted was to scoop my baby boy up in my arms and cradle him.
According to the paperwork, Grant had full and complete decision-making ability over when the visitation could be. That meant he could make everything as difficult for me as possible. He could dangle Remy in front of me like a carrot and make me do anything he wanted. But by doing that, he would only be strengthening his case. It made me feel gutted, but I trusted the lawyer, Charlie. So as brutal as it seemed, I was going to do what they suggested.
I didn’t get much sleep Monday night and woke up Tuesday foggy and distracted. By afternoon, I knew I couldn’t just stay around my place. My afternoon was empty before it was time to open up the bar, and I had to do something or I would go crazy. I decided to go visit Nick. He would figure out a way to make me feel better. Or at least we could be angry and upset together. Either way, at least I wouldn’t be alone.
My first stop was his office. At that time on a Tuesday, it was where I expected him to be. But his receptionist told me he called in that morning and said he would be working from home. Considering I drove past his house as part of my winding path to his office and didn’t see his car, I knew that wasn’t the case. The next step was to call him. He answered on the first ring.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“What happened?”
He sounded worried.
“Nothing new,” I said. “It’s all the same stuff from yesterday. I’m just still trying to process it all. Charlie said I should avoid going to see Grant or trying to see Remy, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m not handling it all completely perfectly, so I wanted to come see you.”
I could hear the sounds of the racing compound in the background. He usually didn’t go there during the week, but I knew his oldest brother Quentin had just welcomed his baby girl a few days before. Merry was an absolute sweetheart who I really liked. She and I had gotten close during the time she and Quentin were dancing around each other pretending they weren’t falling in love. We had all been eagerly anticipating the arrival of their baby, and it was really exciting she was finally there.
“Merry is up here with the baby,” Nick said, confirming my suspicion. “I know she’d love to see you.”
“I’m almost there. See you soon.”
I went into the main building and Glenda, the receptionist, directed me to the large room near the back. A combination of kitchen and break room, it was where everybody on the compound tended to congregate. It also smelled heavenly. I noticed a platter of cinnamon rolls and another one with blueberry muffins as soon as I stepped inside.
“Lindsey,” Merry said when she saw me. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
She gathered me up in a hug and I held on to her. It was comforting to have people happy to see me. I felt reassured, sturdier when I was surrounded by people who cared about me.
“Congratulations,” I said, stepping back and gesturing toward Minette.
Minette Freeman, better known as Minnie, was every inch the doting grandmother. Standing in the middle of the room, she gazed blissfully down at the tiny bundle in her arms and bounced gently. Soft gurgling newborn sounds came from the baby, and Minnie smiled at each one. Seeing her holding the baby looking so happy made my throat tight and painful. Tears sprung to my eyes, but I forced them down.