“Duly noted,” I said.
I started to walk around him, but he took me by the arm and stopped me. “Seriously, Vince. Some very nice people work for us, and they don’t deserve this temper. I want you over this before you show up at the complex tomorrow.”
I nodded and walked away. Dad was right about our employees. There weren’t many of them, but the ones who were there had been around a good while and were considered friends. They shouldn’t have to deal with whatever demons were thrashing around inside me.
I asked Dad to tell everybody I left and headed straight home. I turned off my phone and tossed it onto my bed, then stripped out of my clothes and into a bathing suit. Dipping down into the crystal-clear water of my pool immediately brought new sharpness and clarity to my mind. That was exactly what I needed—time to think. I did my best thinking under the water.32LindseyI didn’t know what I had done, but I was right about that last time Vince and I were together feeling like a goodbye. It was so hard to describe it then, and I wanted to chalk it up just to all the stress and anxiety pressing down on me. But the heavy, sad feeling stayed firm in the back of my mind even as I laughed and joked with him. Even as I gazed into his eyes and searched desperately for the sparkle that was suddenly gone.
I could feel something pulling us apart. After the first four days of not hearing anything from Vince and having him ignore all my phone calls and text messages, I broke down and talked to Nick. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. As understanding and even enthusiastic as Nick was about Vince and me, the reality was he was still my best friend and Vince’s brother. Even if we could put aside the inherent awkwardness of him talking about the sex life between his best friend and his brother, the conversation would put him in an impossible position.
Talking about any sort of conflict or tension between Vince and me naturally put Nick in the middle. I wasn’t asking him to be. At no point did I intend on asking him to pick sides or show allegiance. The relationship he had with me was completely different than the relationship he had with his brother, and I would never presume to come before Vince.
But there was also just the reality that Vince and I had existed in each other’s universes long before we let our feelings for each other take over. There was no reason we couldn’t go back to that existence again. I just didn’t want Nick to struggle with feeling like he was betraying either one of us. I tried to hold it all in. I tried to keep it to myself and not get him involved. But as the fifth day started to slip past, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I didn’t get much inside information out of him. He admitted his older brother had been in a mood for the last several days, but that didn’t tell me anything. All the Freeman boys with the exception of Darren were known for bouts of moodiness and even snaps of sharp tempers. Merry was absolutely accurate when she described them as marshmallows, but that didn’t mean they never showed emotion.
I prodded Nick a little further, trying to get him to admit to anything Vince might have said to him. Apparently, he had kept just as quiet as I did. They were gearing up for a race and wanted to make a good showing, Nick told me. It was important to stay on top, especially after the exhibition didn’t turn out the way any of them planned. Maybe he was just distracted.
I tried to tell myself that, to agree with Nick, but that only lasted another day. And by the one-week mark, my hope was fading out of me. By ten days, missing Vince had turned into an emptiness within me, and by the time it had been two full weeks since I’d heard a single peep from him, I had resigned myself to him giving up on us.
That was also the time when I told myself I really didn’t have time to worry about him. I had a hurt little boy who was still trying to recover from his injuries, and a business to run that was growing in popularity and new opportunities more quickly than I expected.
Not to mention I had been putting far too much energy into worrying about Vince. It left me tired with an upset stomach. I needed to take control of my life again. Vince was an unexpected distraction in my path, and even if I hoped it would become something, I needed to let it go. As soon as Remy was born and I knew I had no intention of raising him alongside Grant, I came to the agreement with myself that it was just going to be my son and me.