“That’s when you started coming in all the time,” I said.
“Yeah,” he said. “I figured you probably would notice, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Every time I left work or thought about going to get something to eat, the bar was the first place I thought of. I wanted to be near you. The more I went in and you and I started really talking and getting to know each other, the more I realized I had feelings for you. Up until then, you were Nick’s friend. I remember you being around and how happy he was when you moved back to town and the two of you started getting close, but that was really it.”
“Because you were older and I was always just a kid,” I said. “You never saw me as anything else.”
“No, I didn’t, I admit it. I didn’t think I was supposed to. And I didn’t think you would look at me as anything other than Nick’s older brother.”
“But I did,” I said. “You didn’t realize it. You never noticed me or talked to me enough to give me a chance. But I have been attracted to you for years. I was so excited when you started talking to me. I figured for the first time in a long time, my luck was changing. I was going through some really crappy stuff, and you were there. Just out of nowhere. And you made me feel better.”
“Not enough to tell me what was going on,” Vince said.
That struck me, and for a second, I didn’t know what to say.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “You were there right after I got the papers from Grant and his parents.”
“But I didn’t have any idea what was going on,” he said. “You never told me anything about Remy or Grant—in fact, you still haven’t. Everything I know, I know from Nick. You never bothered to tell me what happened and why you kept everything a secret. Remy’s amazing. Why would you not want to tell people about him?”
I drew in a shaking breath. “I don’t trust easily. It’s just not part of who I am. And it only got worse after Grant. Aside from Nick, I don’t really let people know me. I don’t want to give them the control or the power over me by letting them close to my life.”
Vince nodded, emotion stronger in his eyes now. “Exactly. You couldn’t trust me. Even as we were getting closer. Even as my feelings were getting stronger and I thought things were really building between us, you didn’t trust me. You didn’t open up to me. I didn’t even know you had a son, then I find out he has these needs you’ve been trying to manage, and his father has custody and doesn’t want you to see him. You didn’t want me to know. Or you didn’t care if I did.”
“Of course I cared,” I said. “If I didn’t want you to know, I wouldn’t have said anything while you were there. I would have told Nick not to tell you anything. I knew he would fill you in on everything.”
“It wasn’t for him to tell me. I wanted to hear it from you. Then you didn’t even call me when Remy went into the hospital. I waited at your apartment for hours and then went home and just kept worrying about you. It wasn’t until I called Nick that I found out what was going on. Because, of course, you told him,” Vince said.
I scoffed incredulously. “Are you telling me you’re envious of your brother? You’re jealous because I was in a moment of panic and terror and I called Nick? The person I knew would be able to handle the staff at my bar, and was my emergency contact, and would call you?”
“Yeah I am. It made me question the role I’m playing in your life. Then I saw Grant and he was obviously trying to butter you up. My feelings for you were getting very strong, and I wasn’t sure what to do about them,” he said.
There was really nothing else for me to do in that moment but laugh. It was just so absurd, there was no other reaction I could have.
“You were having feelings for me and didn’t know how to handle them?” I asked. “So your idea was to run away? Just not say anything to me, not answer any of my calls, and disappear? Aren’t you, like, ten years older than me?” I shook my head. “Grow up.”
The possibility of me bringing up my pregnancy during that conversation disappeared. I couldn’t talk to him about that right now. Not after that excuse. Without waiting for him to say anything else, I hopped out of the truck and went to my car. I could understand that me not telling him elements of my life hurt him and he wished I opened up more. That made sense. But he should have asked. He should have brought it up to me and let me know what he was feeling.