Under My Enemy's Roof - Under Him

I couldn't even love Jessica. It wasn't that I didn't care about her. I had the same protective instinct toward her that all normally functioning adults did for all children. No matter what other issuers I might have had, I still had a basic sense of empathy. Which really only made things worse. The only woman I had ever really loved was dead, and nothing was going to change that.

My sister had saved my life more than once, and I wasn't even there when she died. I wasn't dumb enough to think I could have prevented the virus from taking her. I could have beaten the living shit out of the clearly crooked personal doctor who wouldn’t take her to the hospital. Though, while it would have made me feel better in the moment, it still wouldn't bring Simone back and would only leave me with sore knuckles and a prison record.

I couldn't help but notice a lot of my life decisions up to that point would have led to hard time.

I had meant to go back to work. The project was still ahead of schedule, but I had lost an entire day of work, and I had to make it up. Or at least I felt like I did. I knew it wouldn't bring my sister back. At least the part of my brain that was still sane did. That still didn't change the fact that I was driven to finish. I was feeling like finishing the project, and launching the app would finally legitimize the faith and investment Simone had put in me. The final proof of everything she believed I could be if only I had the support and applied myself.

I had started working on the kernel of the idea for the app on the plane to England. It was no small undertaking. Not only did I have to educate myself on every aspect of cyber security, but some aspects of cyber security also had to be invented first. It was a similar case with block-chain. I had known even then that there must be a secure way to keep and use money online. I just had to wait for someone to come up with a base algorithm and improve on it — a process that itself took a good four years. About the same among of time that it took to find someone rich and clueless enough to fund the project without realizing that it was actually going to end up fucking them over.

My secret desk drawer slid out without so much as a squeak. I usually kept it locked, so the last oil job I had given it was still in effect. It had been twelve years since I'd last had it open. It was a specially built hideaway. Seeing no point in waiting anymore. I twisted off the top, the distinctive smell hitting my nose as the cap came off the bottle of Bacardi. The last thing my brother gave me before fucking off to Norway to chase his dream of starting a Black Metal band. I couldn't blame him, really. Despite the fact that he had left me alone on the same continent as our parents. A betrayal that would have allowed me to legally challenge him to a duel in times gone by.

So dramatic.

“Simone?”

Honestly, baby brother. When was the last time you had a shower?

“You're not here.”

I'm always here. In your head and in your heart.

“I really did try,” I said, choking back tears. Refusing to cry.

I know you did, honey. You're a fuck up. It is just who you are. I don't hold it against you. You can only do what you can do.

“I'm sorry about Jessica. She just reminds me so much of you.”

Well, that just stands to reason, doesn't it?

I couldn't argue with her there. I took another big chug of rum, hoping that I would get drunk enough to pass out and not have to feel anything. At least for a while.

That's not healthy, you know.

She was right, of course. My sister was always right. Not that it stopped me from taking another big swig.

“They didn't even tell me, you know. For days. They just kept Jessica, despite what the will said and didn't even bother to fucking tell me, or apparently anyone, that you died until nearly a fucking month after the fact! Trying to save the embarrassment, I guess. Fucking monsters.”

They're your family.

“Only by blood.”

That's pretty harsh, little bro.

“Sorry.”

You're forgiven. Always.

“I really love you, you know.”

I know.

“W-was it really you? With the spirit board.”

Of course, it was, honey.

I may well have been going bat-shit insane, but that idea still comforted me. Not only was Simone's consciousness still out there somewhere in the universe, she was doing okay and could even contact me. It wasn't the same as having her there, of course, but was still better than nothing.