I’d have to go out bravely in the snow and fight the bear for my man!
Guns! I’d have to learn how to shoot, right? Ryan probably has plenty of guns. I mean, if he’s constantly under attack by bears and wolves, he needs a gun, right? That’s kind of scary, but I guess I could get used to it. He could take me to the range.
In my head, I saw a handsome hunter in camo gear showing me the ropes on a rifle or a machine gun or whatever. I’d fire the first shot and squeal in surprise and we’d laugh. In no time, I’d be handy with a gun. Then when Dad and Daphene came to visit it, they’d be shocked that I was so handy and confident.
I wouldn’t be like Daphene at all. Poor thing. I think she’d wither and die without my dad around. Maybe it’s this whole crisis that’s causing her to break down. No wonder she and Dad spend so much time together. He’s probably spending the whole time building her self-esteem back up.
Sex will do that for you.
I got out my phone to text Ryan and hesitated. Was this long distance relationship healthy? Was it a relationship at all?
It was more of a friendship, just chatting, and I wasn’t really into him. I was into Phil even though I didn’t want to have to admit it.
Maybe being cooped up for so long, I was building stuff up in my head that wasn’t true. For all I knew, Ryan was a lonely old man who started texting me. I didn’t ask for a picture, but getting a fake one would be easy enough, so it’d probably be pointless.
They say there are a lot of scammers out there too. Could Ryan be trying to con me all this time? That would be awful! Oh! I’d be so mad!
Gillian told me she knew a guy that got conned out of a lot of money through an online dating service. I could totally see that happening to guys. Some thirsty dude sees a pretty face and goes nuts, but wasn’t I just as vulnerable? Was I just as thirsty?
You already slept with your stepbrother, Tracianne. I think you know the answer.
Jeez, looking back, I have to say I have no regrets. Despite all that’s happened and Phil’s behavior, those no denying the sex was mind-blowing. Whoever I end up with, he’s definitely raised the bar.
Of course, I hadn’t been with a lot of guys. Was Phil special or just really great at sex? These are definitely things I wish I didn’t have to ask myself about my step brother.
I really wished I could find a guy who was as good at sex as Phil was, without it being my step brother. And personality wise, he could be more like Ryan. I mean, Phil could be funny, and fun. But he could also be an ass. And he had been so mopey lately.
Now that I knew the true Phil--- The angry, distant Phil? No thanks.
Although I guess, when you look at it, it was all the anger that made the sex great. Damn, that’s going to be hard to replicate if that’s true. How could I love someone and be mad at them at the same time to keep the sex good?
Life is so confusing! I’ve had way too much time to think about all this. I should’ve been back at school, going to class and hanging out with Diamond and Gillian. Then I could hear about Diamond’s sexcapades and not have any myself. Living vicariously through her, that was less risky.
Part of me, deep down, really wanted to tell Diamond. If only so I could finally have the last word on a story! She’d never be able to top having sex with my stepbrother! Especially the wild, passion fueled night we shared. God, it doesn’t even seem real anymore after all the time that’s passed.
I checked my phone. Ryan was still online. It was time to take this to the next level.
“Hey, Ryan,” I texted. “Miss you.”
“You miss me? You just talked to me a few hours ago!”
“I know, but I wish you were here,” I said, crying a little. “I’m feeling so lonely today!”
“What if I could come and see you?”
“Ryan, I don’t know if you can,” I texted back, my heart racing. “No one is flying now. They’re still in lockdown everywhere here.”
“What if I was already here?”
“What? I don’t understand. Are you going to send me a picture or something?”
Ryan sent a picture. It was just of his legs crossed. He was sitting in a chair and I recognized the pattern of the rug. Wait a minute…
“Come downstairs,” he texted. “We have to finish our game of strip poker.”
Furious, I stormed into the basement.Chapter Seventeen - Phil