“Jose, you horse sphincter,” I heard her voice yelling in the distance. Bringing my cell back to my ear and snorting into it, she continued, “I’ve gotta go. Think about what I said, and I’ll catch you later. Give Liv and Ellis some loving for me,” she rushed out, and then hung up before I could say anything back.
Looking back up at him, I watched as his expression softened and he raised a hand to wipe away one of the tears that had fallen because of how hard I’d been laughing at Tabby getting caught by her boss. With roughly eight inches between our heights, it always felt like he surrounded me when we stood like this… and I’d admit to myself that it was a good feeling when he did.
“I love your laugh. It’s good to see you smiling, baby,” he murmured, then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “See you in a bit.”
And with that he walked out, leaving me to think about what my sister had just said, and what he’d just done, and totally ignoring the work I was meant to be doing.
I knew I wanted him as a friend, that wasn’t a lie. Could I take that final step though?
Son of a bitch, I think I could.Chapter 6Jose
Four days later…How do I get myself into things like this? Seriously, how?
“Just lower your shorts at the back, Jose. You, too, Tabby.”
Nervously, I looked over at my sister on the opposite side of the bed, in exactly the same position that I was currently in – bent over at the waist with her arms resting on the mattress. “Are you sure about this?”
I absolutely did not miss the nervousness that played across her face as she watched whatever was going on behind me.
“Yeah,” she cleared her throat. “Yeah, I do this all the time.”
Narrowing my eyes at her, I hissed, “You lie like a cheap rug, and those things lie badly. If you got this done ‘all the time’, I’d know about it. All the time means just that – all of the time. So, sister, how many times have you actually done this?”
Still staring at whatever the OB/GYN was doing behind me, her face went even paler at whatever it was that she could see going on. “Twice.”
“You’ll need to come back in three months for the next one,” Glynnis, the awesome lady who had caught Olivia as she came into the world, repeated. We’d been through all of this when we’d had our check-ups only minutes earlier. Obviously, we hadn’t had those done at the same time – because ew – but I’d gone first, and then Tabby had gone in for hers while I’d waited outside. We’d decided in the waiting room that we’d have our shots done together, though, kind of like a moral support thing if Glynnis was ok with it. I’d appreciated her willingness to help us out at the time, but now I had a feeling that she’d more than likely agreed to do it because she’d figured we’d be her daily entertainment. And now that I was anxiously waiting for it to be done as I waved my ass in the air, while my sister turned paler with each second over what was going on behind me, I was hoping she stuck the needle so far into Tabby’s ass cheek that she hit a bone. As if she knew what I was thinking, Tabby turned and glared at me. “This had better be painless like you said,” I warned her.
“I didn’t say it was painless, per se. I said it wasn’t too bad, and that it was over and done with quickly.”
The lying…
“Ok, ladies. Lower them at the back, please.”
Let it be said that I did as I was told, but reluctantly, and slowly, and with shaking hands. In fact, it felt like my whole ass was shaking, too, and I can’t say I blamed it. And then, as I felt Glynnis walk up behind me, it really started to shake. Grabbing my hand across the bed, Tabby gripped it tight and whimpered, “Don’t let go.”
I didn’t even get the chance to answer her because a red hot poker made its way into the skin and fat of my ass and injected me with lava. Red, hot, acid type lava.________________Twenty-seven minutes later…“We never ever talk about this again,” she croaked, her hands gripping the wheel of her car so tightly it sounded like it was groaning – a bit like my butt cheek.
Not dignifying her request with an answer, I kept my arms crossed over my chest, and turned to look out of the window. Like I wanted to talk about what had happened ever again? Well, unless it was to recount how she’d screamed so loudly that two nurses had come running in and got to watch her puke on the floor. Or how it had taken her fifteen minutes to walk to the car, which wouldn’t have been so funny if it wasn’t for the fact we’d only been two doors away from the entrance to the building, and that the car was parked a fifteen second walk away from it. But I’d felt every step of that walk, too. Every time I put my foot down, my giant ass cheek would bounce and vibrate. In fact, I think it was now so big because of whatever had been injected into it that had its own heartbeat. That was definitely something they don’t warn you about. I was totally Googling the shot when I got home and looking for a customer feedback form so I could rewrite that shit for them. ‘Warning: side effects will include swelling in the area that increases the size of it to four times the size of the corresponding cheek on the opposite side. This is more commonly referred to as the semi-Kardashian effect. Due to the extra acreage, a new heartbeat will establish itself in it, and vibrations can, and will, be felt with every movement. Pain will definitely occur upon admittance of the acid into your body and continue to be felt for xxx amount of days after it.’ I’d complete the days once I knew the answer to that. ‘You may experience a small amount of accidental urination during the injection,’ – myself – ‘and or nausea and vomiting’ – Tabby. ‘Do not feel ashamed about the urination, as this occurs because the injection is close to the area, and the overwhelming pain sends the area into a shocked response. The vomiting, however, will travel an impressive distance, and you should be mortified by this. The common term used for women who do this is: a complete, total, utter, lying pussy who got the karma she deserved. The saying: liar, liar, pants on fucking fire, will now be amended to: Liar, liar, ass on fucking fire.”