“So, what you’re saying is that all of us have to do this,” Archer said, not phrasing it as a question but as a conclusion because that’s what it was.
“Yeah, even Parker will be in it.”
Wait, what the hell?
Walking up behind Ari, I muttered, “I will? But I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Spinning around, she gave me such a huge smile that I would’ve promised to do anything for her—if she’d have done it before she showed us the video and told us their idea.
“It’ll be great! The local doctor who was involved in Harris’ situation lends his time to raising funds for him,” she said excitedly like she was reading a headline.
Leaning in until my mouth was right beside her ear, I whispered, “I know you’re doing this to get back at your brothers for the Girls Night In shit, but I’m not sure what I did wrong?”
I’d never been in a relationship, so for all I know, I could’ve left the toilet seat up or done something worthy of being tortured like this. It’d just help to know what.
Giving me a small kiss and a pat on the cheek, she winked and walked away.
“Bet it was the toilet seat, son. That always gets Lindee pissed at me,” Hurst sighed, echoing my theory, as he joined me, his little friend standing beside him.
“No, that’s me that gets pissed on. Do you have any idea how disgusting it is for a woman to sit down on the toilet and for her ass to touch the porcelain inside it? Knowing people have used that toilet, regardless of how clean you think it is?” Linda argued, somehow hearing what he’d said over the other discussions going on. “Ladies, you need to housebreak your man. If you do it early on, you’ll live a peaceful life without falling into the toilet every time you need to use it in the middle of the night. If you don’t, well, then you end up with that,” she pointed at Hurst, who was now looking indignant.
“Hey, I’m housebroken!”
“Give me an example of how.”
Hurst frowned as he thought of an example and then snapped his fingers together with a smug grin. “Last week, I put the toilet seat down. I knew you weren’t feeling well, so I made sure it was perfect for you.”
One of Linda’s eyebrows arched at his excuse as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Yet, you’ve forgotten to put it down for eleven other days since. You’ve also omitted that the reason I wasn’t well was because you gave me food poisoning.”
“Fuck!” he mumbled under his breath. “She said it was a virus, so I didn’t think she’d figured it out.”
“Hurst will do it, too,” she said to the girls in a tone that made it clear he was doing it.
“Can I at least wear a blonde wig? I don’t know if I’d suit the black one.”
“Freddie wears a black one in the video, so you’ll be wearing the same one,” Linda told him with a beaming smile. “I’ll find a nice bushy mustache for you too, honey, don’t you worry.”
I think that was the most worrying part of it all if I was honest.
He walked over to the couch with a resigned sigh and sat down heavily before patting the cushion beside him for Sneezy to jump up on.
“Uh, Gramps,” Ari called. “We don’t really let the goats on the leather couch because their hooves could ruin the fabric.”
Shooting her a glare, he leaned over Sneezy with what I could only describe as a mutinous look on his face. “If you’re making me dress up in a skirt and wig that definitely won’t suit me, then I’m cuddling the goat on the couch. Like I have the build for a skirt like that. Freddie also had killer facial and chest hair. I’m going to have to draw mine in with a Sharpie.”
Then, realizing what he’d just done and the ideas he’d given his wife, he shook his head violently. “I mean, it’ll look great as it is. I’ll do the king of Queen justice.”
Unfortunately for him, it was too late. The damage was done.
Seeing this, I wisely kept my mouth shut so I didn’t end up in his shoes. Elijah was wearing a curly auburn wig and fishnet pantyhose and knee-high boots, apparently. The wig's color they said they were getting him got me thinking yet again about the woman who kept going into the bar to speak to Ari.
Chantal had a dark freckle on the side of her chin, but the woman Ari saw hadn’t. That didn’t mean anything, though. She could have covered it with makeup or had it removed by her favorite plastic surgeon. And if it was her, what the fuck was she up to? I wasn’t concerned for me, I knew how to handle the bitch after years of dealing with her, but I was worried about Ari and Dale. I’d told my brother my suspicions the day after Ari had told me about her, and he’d agreed with me that we needed to be vigilant.