Wrinkling her nose, she muttered, “Gross,” at the same time that I started gagging.
“Wrong restaurant, phlegm wad,” Dahlia called, shaking her head and pointing at the golden arches outside the window.
Feeling the pain in my stomach building, I shot Ariana a begging look and started walking slowly toward the front door of the restaurant.
Just as I got to the door, there was a gush of water between my legs and I had to grab onto the handle to stop myself falling to the floor with the pain.
“We’ve got to go,” I whimpered, trying to pull the door toward me to open it. “I’m not having my baby in here. I’m having him in a sterile bed, in a sterile hospital, with my husband beside me, where there's drugs!” The last word came out on a shriek as I tried my hardest to get the damn door to open, but it just wasn’t budging. “Oh god, he’s gonna be called Mac, isn’t he?”
Pushing the door beside the one I was still pulling on, Ariana suggested, “Or you could call him nugget?”
With their help, I made it to Levi’s truck. Then, with the help of Archer, who had been driving past at that moment, I made it into the truck – which was the biggest miracle. Levi could have attached an elevator for the last three months of this pregnancy, and I still would have struggled to get in and out of the thing. Fortunately, him being there meant he could call Levi and my OB-GYN as he tried to get the seatbelt around my girth.
“If you say it doesn’t fit, I’ll shove a watermelon up your ass,” I growled, panting through the latest contraction.
Biting back a laugh, he said into the phone, “Yes, that’s your delicate flower. Oh, she’s just fine, don’t you worry. This is going to be the most memorable experience of your life.” Then he paused and looked at his sister, a grin I hadn’t seen a lot of on his mouth. “Say, do you have your phone fully charged? You need to record the birth for her so she can see the beautiful wonders of nature.”
Melting at his words, the true meaning of them lost on me, I sighed, “Aw, Archer, that’s so sweet. You’re my favorite you know.”
Turning the key in the ignition, the engine rumbled to life at the same time that Ariana flicked me on the side of the head. “Hey, I’m sitting right here.”
Almost like we were in a movie, Levi pulled into the parking lot and stopped right beside us. With the engine still running, he got out of the car and ran over to my door, pushing his brother out of the way.
“Are you ok? Where does it hurt?”
There was a thud and a beep of the horn as Ariana’s head dropped down onto the steering wheel. “I’m surrounded by imbeciles.”
Losing patience with it all, Bonnie and Dahlia got out of the back and walked around to join Levi and Archer at my door.
“Where do you think it hurts, Levi? She has a baby the size of a calf about to explode out of her vagina,” Dahlia snapped, pushing Archer to the side and reaching out for my hand, just as another contraction hit on the back of the previous one. “Um, they’re really close together, Charlotte.”
If I hadn’t been feeling what I felt now, I wouldn’t have said what I did next. “It feels like I need to poop, like now. It’s like a huge torpedo’s been launched.”
Shooting a nervous look at Ariana and nodding at whatever she did back, Dahlia asked, “Is it as bad as the biggest plug?”
I didn’t know, I’d never made it that far into the training kit. In fact, I’d managed plug number two in the lineup and had almost had to call for help when I couldn’t get it back out. Incidentally, that was the day I realized exactly how squeamish Levi was when it came to poop, and I got to call him a liar for saying he’d help me explore the dirtier side of sex with me. Not that I was disappointed, but my ass was going to remain a one-way street. Well, unless this kid ripped it open, and then it was going to be an interstate.
Groaning, I leaned back so that my back was across the length of the bench seat and my head was in Ariana’s lap.
“There’s a lot of pressure. Oh, shit the size of a truck! It was only five nuggets, why is it so bad?”
“Parker says you need to check her vagina,” she yelled at the group by my feet, making all of them take a step away from where they’d just been.
When no one stepped back to do it, I screamed, “Stop being pussies and look at my vagina!”