“What the fuck?” A voice cried in front of me and then started gagging.
Still throwing up, I looked up into the horrified face of Levi, who had one foot on the bottom step of the stairs leading up to Tate’s porch, a grand total of two feet away from what I was doing. I learned a lesson though – it’s not possible to smile at someone as either a hello or apology when you’ve got vomit leaving your body at tsunami speed. Well, at least not without looking like something out of a horror movie written by a freaky psycho that was.
When he hung his head over the banister of the steps and joined me, I had a moment to mourn the fact I wasn’t going to be eating any of the food Tate had cooked, rejoiced over not drinking the dishwater coffee, and resigned myself to the fact I wouldn’t be eating ketchup again ever. It was a confusing mix of emotions and thoughts, and sadly, it wouldn’t be the last time that it happened to me.
Pregnancy – it’s fucking awesome. That was the book I was going to write about it when it was over. Obviously it would be sponsored by sarcasm, humiliation and include a ton of FMLs.
TateAfter seeing her reaction to ketchup, I knew that I was going to have to start a spreadsheet on what food to avoid for the next nine months. Noah and Madix had all had one, and I remembered them telling me it changed from day-to-day, so they were constantly adding and updating it. Seeing Lily’s reaction to a simple thing like ketchup made me wonder what would be next.
The recovery had been insane too, and no one had warned me about that side of it. One second she was puking her guts up in the rose bushes, the next she was inside eating waffles. In the meantime, both me and Levi were waiting for her head to spin in circles with chunks of waffles flying everywhere, while our guts retreated back into their normal spaces in our bodies.
Deciding to test the water, I asked, “Um, is there anything else just now that’s making you feel… unwell?”
“Tell me you burned the sauce,” Levi muttered out the corner of his mouth, his eyes not leaving Lily.
It was gone, long gone. So gone that it was now sitting in the grass somewhere between my house and my sisters where I’d lobbed it before Lily came back in. I’d also put the eggs and bacon on a new plate, rinsed off the old ones, Febreeze’d the fuck out of the kitchen, and shoved the old plates in the dishwasher. No sense in wasting eggs and bacon, but the rest I wasn’t taking any chances with. She’d sorted herself out in the bathroom and had then gone straight for the waffles like nothing had happened.
Thinking it over, she shrugged and shoved another mouthful in, waiting until she’d finished chewing and swallowing before she answered the question. “Not that I’m aware of,” she hummed and then took a mouthful of the coffee I’d made her. The look of revulsion and body shudder made me and Levi stiffen up waiting for another tidal wave. “Although, that might change if I have to keep drinking my coffee like this.”
“It’s only until we see the doctor,” I reminded her, as Levi walked over and looked in her mug.
“What the fuck is that?”
“He’s making me drink weak coffee,” Lily told him, nodding at him with big eyes when he took a sharp breath in.
“But why?”
When he followed it by shooting a look of disgust in my direction, I glared at him and mouthed, “Shut the fuck up.”
“That’s not right, man. She’s carrying your baby, at least give her decent fucking coffee. Do you know what’s gonna happen to her…” he pointed at his crotch, “in nine months?”
The glare that Lily shot at me made my balls scream and try hiding inside my crotch for the second time today.
“Why are you here?” I snapped.
Levi frowned and then thought it over. “I can’t remember now. I think it was to see how you were after last night, apologize for being a dick to your girl, and also see if you knew where Rich was, but none of that seems important anymore. Well, aside from the apology,” he glanced down at Lily and winced. “Sorry, girl. We knew he was crushing on you, but the baby news came outta the blue.”
Sighing, she pushed her empty plate away so she could lean her elbows on the table as she answered him. “It’s cool, I actually expected that reaction from him,” she pointed at me with her thumb. “But for some reason he’s being cool and happy about it. Thank you for the apology, though.”
“Okay, lemme just interrupt this little thing going on here,” I waved between the two of them. “I’m being cool because I’m not dumb – I just know you’re not that girl. You wouldn’t be saying it if you didn’t know for sure. I also know you’re not… uh,” I tried to think of a word that wasn’t insulting. I might be saying she wasn’t one, but at the same time she might find the word screaming in my head insulting. Fucking millennial thinking and all that.