Next point – pregnancy made your emotions border on irrational, wanting to smack a pregnant woman aside. No, scratch that, definitely add that in because it was a good example, but there were the tears, irritation, anger, happiness, wanting to cry… it was all over the top and you swung between the emotions faster than you could say the word bitch. Bitch – there, I just went through four different ones between the bitches.
Peeing – sweet fairy farts and mermaid titties, peeing was a whole new bodily function for me. My bladder had apparently shrunk to the size of a pea, and the amount of urine I produced would have filled a reservoir, apparently. I also produced it without drinking, and at this stage I was suspected that my body was now absorbing the moisture from the air and steering it right to my bladder. The feeling every ten minutes was like it was going to burst any second, and peeing became the most satisfying feeling in the world. It was literally a body shudder moment because it felt so awesome, something you got to enjoy Every. Ten. Freaking. Minutes.
Next up was hunger. I wasn’t ‘hungry’ anymore. There were only two stages at this part in the baby baking process – full and hangry. I’d never understood why the word hangry was even used, it just seemed dumb to me that someone would be so hungry they were angry. The answer – because they were pregnant. The panic and anger I felt when I was hungry now was insane. I needed that food, I had to have that food, I wanted that food more than anything, and if you deprived me or got in the way of me getting it – well, it sucks to be you. Levi had found this out when he’d gone to eat the last donut that we’d picked up while we’d been at the pet store. He’d gotten it to an inch away from his mouth when I’d walked in and snapped it out his hand with my mouth. Not my hand, my freaking mouth like a rabid squirrel stealing his nuts back.
Emotions – again, there was no in between on those. I could be emotionally comfortable, sure, but that was it. I was either one extreme or the other. I’d never been a crier, but the amount of times I wanted to cry now or had to force myself not to was just plain exhausting.
I guess leading on from this was also indecision. I was undecided about a ton of shit, a majority of it so vapid and ridiculous that if I’d told Beau she’d have smacked me around the head. The names of the dog and puppy shouldn’t be this difficult, but they were. I loved one, then hated it, loved the next one, then hated it… Was Tate with me just because of the baby? Yes, no, yes again, no again. Did Levi actually believe me, or was he just being nice? Was the sky blue, or was it a gray-blue? Was that cloud giving me the bird, or was it a penis? Was Tate being nice about his penis and what I’d done to it, or was it really broken?
In short, pregnancy was exhausting and the women who went through it more than once were fucking insane.
This led me to now, lying on my bed with my arm over my eyes while Tate got the dogs situated in the kitchen. We’d been given a special formula for the puppy from the vet at the sanctuary that had all the vitamins in it that it needed. No one knew how much of its mother’s milk it had consumed which had all of that in it, so we were giving it to it now. There was also puppy food and this puppy milk stuff down for it and fresh water. The Labrador had the same, but in a bowl the size of a serving platter. When I’d gone to lay it all out for them, Tate had seen how drained I was and steered me toward my bed saying he’d do it. Did he mean it though?
Holy unicorn nipples, Lilith. Smack your pussy into a real woman’s vagina and grow a pair of tits.
Sighing, I moved my arm and opened my eyes, only just managing to hold the scream in when I saw Tate leaning against the door frame watching me with a grin on his face.
“You need to get a bell.”
Snorting, he walked in, still not making a sound, and sat on the edge of the bed. Was my floor made from the farts of cherubs or something? Did it make a noise when I walked on it? I hadn’t ever listened out for what happened when I walked, so I made a mental note to do that the next time I went to the bathroom…