Mad Gold (Providence Gold 2)

“Those are sex sheets, aren’t they?”

“You bet your big balloon titties they are,” I smirked, walking into my closet to grab some clothes. I couldn’t have a shower in case I washed the ink off, but I could have a splash in all the right places. Getting what I needed, I headed toward the adjoining bathroom.

“I don’t have big balloon titties,” she snapped, walking over to the big comfy chair in my room and curling up. “I have a perfect handful.”

“Yeah, if you’re a giant!”

And from there, we traded insults until I had cleaned my bits and pits and had thrown on my clothes. Then we packed the dogs into my car and headed toward ‘Fink’, the tattoo shop in town.

Unfortunately, when we got there, I heard a woman screaming over the buzz of a tattoo machine and changed my mind. I would either never wash my leg again, or I’d take a million photos and perhaps frame one.

Instead, I got the cool rock chick to pierce my nose with the most beautiful little blue stud. I was pretty sure I was done with piercings like that now, unless it was to do more on my ears.

On our way out, Bonnie kicked me in my right butt cheek and snorted. “You chose that one because of your Mr. Blue.”

Actually, I’d decided to get my nose pierced after I’d seen the little blue stud that had reminded me of my ‘Mr. Blue’, but I wouldn’t tell her that. The mean bitch would take out an ad on Facebook to tell the world if I did.

Instead, I shrugged and walked back to the car where the dogs were waiting on us with the window open slightly.

Once we’d gotten settled, and I was driving back to my place to drop Bonnie off at her car, I wiggled my nose, trying to adjust to the foreign feeling of a piece of metal through it.

Please don’t let it swell up like my damn tongue did!

“Does it feel like you’ve got a booger?” she asked when I kept scrunching my nose up.

“A bit.”

“What if you get a head cold? Would the snot come through the hole?”

“Uhhh…” Well, shit. What if it did?

“What about your tongue stud? Do you have issues eating with it in?”

I had done until they changed the size of the stud down to a smaller one. “When the swelling went down, it left me with this massive bar that kept clipping the back of my throat, making me gag,” I explained as I took the turning onto my road.

“Ah, you’ve got a shit gag reflex. I get it!” she nodded, grinning at me. “How does he feel about that?”

“I don’t have a shit gag reflex, mine is awesome,” I snapped. “It happens to everyone, and then they change the stud to a smaller one and you don’t have any issues. Well, unless I’m eating spaghetti.” That shit got stuck around it every time. “And Madix had no issues with my gag reflex last night, thank you very much.”

“So, is his dick in ratio to the rest of his size?” she asked, completely ignoring what I’d said and going for the million-dollar question. She’d changed the subject so fast it threw me for a second, but I knew the best way to shut her up.

“I didn’t nickname him after a big silverback gorilla for nothing, Bon.”

When she did nothing but stare out the windscreen in a daze, I mentally patted myself on the back.

Unfortunately, everything comes to an end in life, and that peace and quiet was one of them.

As we pulled up to my house, she undid her seatbelt, opened the door and got out without saying a word. Then she changed her mind, bent over and growled, “You lucky slut!” Before slamming the door shut and walking away.

There was no shame in my game – I really was lucky. And I had the proof written on my leg that apparently Madix felt equally lucky too.

Walking into work a couple of minutes later with my porn star leg leading the way, I smiled and waved at everyone as I passed them. Today was going to be a great day, I could feel it in my bladder. Then again, that could still be Madix’s dick because I wasn’t sure he hadn’t shifted around some internal organs with it. Regardless, I had a bit of oomph in my movements and got through my work in record time. Apparently, sex gave you super powers, who’d have guessed?

I wasn’t feeling so happy and superhero-like forty-eight hours later when I hadn’t heard from the big bastard, though. In fact, I was feeling like the world had fallen out of my ass hole, been eaten by a T-Rex, shat out and engulfed in the big bang, and then stomped on by a giant.